So, here we are - 2pm on Wednesday afternoon - game 7 of the Stanley cup finals. By 10am, the streets were getting crowded. By 11am, I had trouble moving around the streets. By 11:30, all the street vendors seemed to be set up ready to go. By noon - I had a headache. The horns are honking, the people cheering and someone poked me in the eye with a flag. I might just get a black eye from it. I mean really, a group of young men, already drunk, walking down the middle of the sidewalk waving a Canuck flag around. I was busy minding my own business just trying to pick up a sandwich for lunch when wham! Right in the eye! Of course, I had just taken my glasses off because a bug landed on them and I was wiping them off so I had no protection. I yelped - mostly in surprise - and the kid with the flag says "You should really watch where you place your eyeballs lady" Really? Are you kidding me? I did what any sane person would do, I called him a rather unladylike name and kicked him in the shin. The security guard standing in front of the Scotia Bank came over and escorted me inside. He started to laugh and said that was the funniest thing he had seen in a long time. The kid didn't quite know how to react. Good thing the guard pulled me off or I might have done some real damage....not sure to whom, but still....
The silver hockey player arrived dressed up and ready to go bright and early this morning as he was already there when I emerged from the train station at 9am. Two hot dog vendors were also already set up. There is something about the smell of hotdogs at 9am that really does the trick in putting you in a good mood. I really want to tell you about the woman I saw though (when I still had two good eyes). So, I was walking down Granville and I noticed this woman coming towards me surrounded by 3 young men. It took me a minute or two to figure out she was not wearing a Canuck jersey. She was topless but had been body painted so well that it really looked like a very skin tight top. The men were there to prevent other men from reaching over and trying to rub her 'shirt' off. I must admit, I was envious. Ahh, to be young and have your boobs stay upright without magic wires or anything. There are other people also obviously artistic out there. A group of three were wearing home made Stanley cup hats that are about 3 feet tall. Hope they are not going to the arena with those. I would hate to be the person with the seats behind them. There is also the young lady with "Kesler, marry me" embroidered across her back. That must have taken some time.
Well, I just looked out my window as I heard a crowd let up a huge cheer and I can see about 15,000 people all gathered around the black screens of the giant TV's. Not sure what they are cheering at but they are tossing a couple of beach balls around.
Anyway, will keep you posted
Cheerios
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Holy Schnikies!
So, it is game 6 of the Stanley Cup finals and hopefully the last. I just went downstairs to Granville street to pick up some lunch - 90 minutes till game time and I could barely get around. I have the perfect vantage point from my office to the giant TV screens set up on Georgia street for the game and have been watching people set up their lawn chairs since about 1pm. If I had to hazard a guess, I would say there are already about 15,000 people seated in front of an empty television screen on Georgia street right now. I can hear them cheering every few minutes. Damned if I know what they are cheering at as the TV screen is black.
They just set up another dozen or so porta potties in front of the Bank of Montreal. The bank must just love that.
Last Friday I left the office at about 5:30pm and security had to assist me and a few others in leaving the building. People were standing just outside our office door and I could not open it to leave. It was wild and wacky down here. People were dressed up in Canuck gear and colors - all but 2. You must have heard of the green men by now. Well, there were two young woman (at least I think they were women - by their size and the 2 bumps on their chest I think it is a fair assumption) who copied the green men - except all in red. What that had to do with the Canucks I have no idea. In anycase, they sure drew a crowd. As did the silver man in skates and the full band that had set up at the corner of Granville and Robson. It was like the Olympics all over again except the people are concentrated in just a 4 block area.
Well, other than the playoffs, I have had a very busy week. I made my first video. I am running (walking briskly) in the Easter Seals 24 hour relay this coming weekend (thank you to everyone who has sponsored me so far) and for fund raising you now make a goofy video instead of knocking on doors. Holy crap! They are not kidding about the camera adding ten pounds to you. I appear to have had 8 cameras trained on me! I forgot to brush my hair and am pretty sure I had poppy seeds stuck in my teeth. Not a good omen. I have never done anything like this before and am quite excited about it - especially after I discovered a real cutey is on my team.
After discovering my future husband is on my team I flew into action. First, I noticed via the video that my chest had disappeared. Someone had stolen my bossoms. This called for drastic measures and off I took myself in search of a new bra - one that would not only lift and separate but would give me a cleavage that would stop traffic. A very nice clerk noticing my bewilderment at the enormous displays of various shapes, sizes, colours, water filled, gel filled, foam filled bras, offered to give me a professional fitting. I was up for that. I explained I had been wearing the same size since puberty (save for the two pregnant years) and she said it was highly likely I was wearing the wrong size. After she measured and told me the size, I burst into tears (not for the first time). No one makes a pretty bra when you are built like a line backer (thanks again Dad). Well, we dug around and finally found me two new ones in my size. I must admit I was shocked and very pleased with the result. I now have two separate boobs and they point south again and not north. Now that that was completed, on to step two. This involved getting a new outfit. It might be a little difficult to run (walk briskly) in heals, full make up and jewelry but now that I have a very cute outfit with a full bosom, I am going to give it my best! If he does not notice me after this then he must be gay.
I will keep you informed of my triumph this weekend and if you play your cards right, I might just invite ya'll to the wedding.
They just set up another dozen or so porta potties in front of the Bank of Montreal. The bank must just love that.
Last Friday I left the office at about 5:30pm and security had to assist me and a few others in leaving the building. People were standing just outside our office door and I could not open it to leave. It was wild and wacky down here. People were dressed up in Canuck gear and colors - all but 2. You must have heard of the green men by now. Well, there were two young woman (at least I think they were women - by their size and the 2 bumps on their chest I think it is a fair assumption) who copied the green men - except all in red. What that had to do with the Canucks I have no idea. In anycase, they sure drew a crowd. As did the silver man in skates and the full band that had set up at the corner of Granville and Robson. It was like the Olympics all over again except the people are concentrated in just a 4 block area.
Well, other than the playoffs, I have had a very busy week. I made my first video. I am running (walking briskly) in the Easter Seals 24 hour relay this coming weekend (thank you to everyone who has sponsored me so far) and for fund raising you now make a goofy video instead of knocking on doors. Holy crap! They are not kidding about the camera adding ten pounds to you. I appear to have had 8 cameras trained on me! I forgot to brush my hair and am pretty sure I had poppy seeds stuck in my teeth. Not a good omen. I have never done anything like this before and am quite excited about it - especially after I discovered a real cutey is on my team.
After discovering my future husband is on my team I flew into action. First, I noticed via the video that my chest had disappeared. Someone had stolen my bossoms. This called for drastic measures and off I took myself in search of a new bra - one that would not only lift and separate but would give me a cleavage that would stop traffic. A very nice clerk noticing my bewilderment at the enormous displays of various shapes, sizes, colours, water filled, gel filled, foam filled bras, offered to give me a professional fitting. I was up for that. I explained I had been wearing the same size since puberty (save for the two pregnant years) and she said it was highly likely I was wearing the wrong size. After she measured and told me the size, I burst into tears (not for the first time). No one makes a pretty bra when you are built like a line backer (thanks again Dad). Well, we dug around and finally found me two new ones in my size. I must admit I was shocked and very pleased with the result. I now have two separate boobs and they point south again and not north. Now that that was completed, on to step two. This involved getting a new outfit. It might be a little difficult to run (walk briskly) in heals, full make up and jewelry but now that I have a very cute outfit with a full bosom, I am going to give it my best! If he does not notice me after this then he must be gay.
I will keep you informed of my triumph this weekend and if you play your cards right, I might just invite ya'll to the wedding.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
The week time will help me forget
So, I am back from a week in Toronto. I would have updated my blog yesterday but I was so exhausted, the most I could do was move from my bed to my couch and back again. I even needed to carry my pillow with me to help me hold up my head. Essentially, I had most of my life force sucked right out of me by the end of the week.
Monday morning started off promising. I arrived at the airport on time and there was no line up to check in my baggage. I even made it through security without any real trouble. They were showing movies I had never seen before so I had something to watch and I managed to finish 4 complete crossword puzzles. Ok, so they were People magazine puzzles, but still , two of them were hard. I had to guess what a Jersey Shore was as well as what a Black Eyed Pea last appeared in. We landed in Toronto on time to a warm, sunny welcome. Perhaps it was a little muggy but after 8 months of rain, wind and cold, I left the airport with a smile.
I checked into my room and immediately opened my laptop in an attempt to get some work done before I would try to go to bed early and adjust to the three hour time change. I started having computer issues right away. I had to log off about 8 times before I could get even 4 items completed. It was time to take a break and have some dinner. I wandered downstairs to the Pub for dinner. As I sat by myself in the corner - with another crossword puzzle (I was determined to figure out what an Efron was), the waitress came by to tell me of the wonderful special they had tonight - Lobster Macaroni & Cheese! MMMMMMMM, yummy. I ordered the special and got back to my crossword. When it arrived, I dove right in and boy it was good. However, after about 4 bites I think I actually heard my artery's hardend and my cholesterol rise. In fact, my chest constricted and I think my aorta closed in protest for a second. I ended up digging around in the bowl for the lobster bits. On the upside, it did help make me sleepy.
Tuesday morning, I awoke bright eyed and ready to go. My cholesterol returned to normal and all blood vessels were functioning. I made my way down to the conference breakfast and opening speakers. I stayed for the first 2 hours before heading back to my room to try to get some work down. I still had to do my normal job as well as cover for prairie region while I was out of town. This is where my week started to go sideways.
I should mention that two weeks prior my computer crashed. It took the IT department that whole time to fix but they sent it back to me all good to go the Friday before I left for the centre of the universe on Monday. We tested it and everything. AND THEN.... they did some upgrades over the weekend to "make things better." I tried for three hours to make the system work so I could do my job before taking a break for lunch. I was covered in sweat and stress as I made my way downstairs. I entered the elevator and lo and behold, I was trapped. I was stuck in the elevator for 20 minutes before they let me out. Of couse as soon as I realized I was trapped, I had to pee. I didn't have to go before I got in the elevator. I saw this as an omen.
After lunch and one seminar session, I headed back to my room to try to get some work done. My computer would not co-operate and I spent the next 6 hours on the phone with the IT department threatening to blow the stupid laptop up. Finally, someone came to my room to help make it work. It worked while he was in the room but when he left, I was back to the beginning - 3 minutes in and then it would kick me out again. Another call to IT and the offer of giving them 10 mintes to be outside my hotel room window to catch the stupid machine when I throw it out or they can finally fix the damn thing. I still had so much work to do and little time left. I was to be at an Advisor function for 7pm and be on a bowling team and here was already 7:10. I finally gave up on work and ran for the door (and the stairs) to head to the event site. I arrived in time for a few appetizers and a cold Corona (well, if truth be told - 3) before putitng on the bowling shoes for a game of ten pin. I actually had a great time.
At 10:30, I was on my way back to the hotel to try yet again to get my job done. As we walked back to the Royal York hotel on Front street, we walked in front of the CBC building when holy crap! I almost stepped on it - another dead bird had landed 5 feet in front of me. I am definiately seeing a pattern here. That makes three in less than 2 weeks if anyone is counting. Back in my room I tried to get back to work. I was given three minutes in before the system crashed and I was booted out again. It took me until almost 2 in the morning to get trades reviewed and applications approved. I fell into bed to the 4 hours sleep before the alarm was to go off and the fun could start all over again.
When I awoke on Wednesday, although groggy and perhaps a little hung over, I was determined to have a great day and not let my IT issues get to me. I headed down to breakfast and a seminar session with a lighter heart. I must learn when it comes to tech, it knows when you are in a good mood and feeling optomistic. If you appear this way in front of your machine, you are in for a world of hurt.
Back in my room, my laptop determined it would not even give me the three minutes anymore. Nothing worked at all. I packed the whole kit and kaboodle up and headed to our head office IT department 2 blocks away. Suffice to say, I was there most of the afternoon until finally at 7:15pm my system worked - well sort of. I was late for the Gala dinner and rushed back to my room to throw on my dress and get to the ballroom. I made it in time for dinner to be served. It was lovely. After two days of stress and anxiety I was pleased to just relax with a glass of wine, some good food and lovely people. After dessert and during the keynote speaker, I felt a wave come over me. I was about to be sick. Nice. Right in front of my bosses while I was wearing heals and a dress. Just perfect. I rushed out of the ballroom and made it to the ladies room in time to lose my dinner. I made it to my room in time to lose my dessert. I climbed into bed almost in tears wishing I were home.
Thursday morning I felt a bit better and made my way downstairs to breakfast and the closing speakers. Afterwards, I was back in my room with my laptop trying yet again to do my job. I was reminded of the definition of insanity "repeating the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome". I was slowly going insane. Back to head office and the IT department. I offered them cash to never "upgrade" me again. I even threatened that there was a very good chance that Air Canada would lose the laptop on my flight home. By the end of the day, I had officially spent more time with IT than I did at the seminar. I ended up leaving the computer with them overnight and made my way back to my room. I had hopes of a swim in the pool followed by a massage. The pool was closed and the massager went home with the flu. Nice. I had a bath and beat myself about the head with my pillow.
Friday morning I headed back to the office to IT to pick up my crap. They finally figured out what the problem was and my system worked. However, I now needed to head to airport so I still could not do my job. I felt pretty good when I went back to the hotel to check out - I was going home and my laptop finally worked. Yehaa! I grabbed my bags and headed downstairs. Imagine my surprise at what happened next.
I had 90 minutes to get the airport. I had already checked in electronically so was not in too big of a rush. I presented myself to the desk clerk for checkout and to pay the $5.03 in room charges. When he presented me with charges of $549.99 I almost tripped over my suitcase as I staggered backwards. What on earth was he talking about? To make this short and sweet, it seems that someone had been running around charging food and other items to my room. When I insisted this was not me, he had me wait while he retrieved the actual signed chits and compared them to my signature. This took some time. My 90 minute window was dwindling away. In short, the signature was not even close. Someone must have overheard my name and room number and thought it would be kind of funny to stick me with the bills. I was getting very antsy as I tried to prove my innosence. I was about to miss my flight. I think my voice went up several notches and I was about to go all Rambo over the clerk's face. As they finally realized that this was in fact not me, they were a little contrite and apologetic. What was I going to do about my flight? In short, the hotel called Air Canada and booked me on the next flight - at no charge to me.
I raced to the airport where I ran through like an Olympian, checked my bag and made it to security. In my haste, I dropped my purse all over the floor. As I was bent down to pick everything up, I was tapped on the shoulder - "Can you come with us? You have been chosen for a full scan and search. You can chose to go into the privacy of the room to your right if you like." Are they kidding me? Just once I want to travel without issues and crap happening.
To top things off, the plane was full and the only seat available was a window seat - not my favorite. I prefer the aisle. I had to go pee in about hour 3 of the 5 hour flight. The fella on the aisle seat was fast asleep. We tried, including the stewardess, to wake him with no success. Suffice to say that by the time we landed, I was jogging through the airport to get to the ladies room.
All in all, a pretty crappy week. The people I met were wonderful. It was great to finally put some faces to the voices I had only ever spoken to before.
Well, this week will be a busy one as I try to catch up on everything I was supposed to do last week. Can't say I am looking forward to it. I need a vacation that involves sun, sand and a Swede named Sven who is the posser of magic massage hands and no technologie at all - including phones.
I will keep you posted.
Cheers
Monday morning started off promising. I arrived at the airport on time and there was no line up to check in my baggage. I even made it through security without any real trouble. They were showing movies I had never seen before so I had something to watch and I managed to finish 4 complete crossword puzzles. Ok, so they were People magazine puzzles, but still , two of them were hard. I had to guess what a Jersey Shore was as well as what a Black Eyed Pea last appeared in. We landed in Toronto on time to a warm, sunny welcome. Perhaps it was a little muggy but after 8 months of rain, wind and cold, I left the airport with a smile.
I checked into my room and immediately opened my laptop in an attempt to get some work done before I would try to go to bed early and adjust to the three hour time change. I started having computer issues right away. I had to log off about 8 times before I could get even 4 items completed. It was time to take a break and have some dinner. I wandered downstairs to the Pub for dinner. As I sat by myself in the corner - with another crossword puzzle (I was determined to figure out what an Efron was), the waitress came by to tell me of the wonderful special they had tonight - Lobster Macaroni & Cheese! MMMMMMMM, yummy. I ordered the special and got back to my crossword. When it arrived, I dove right in and boy it was good. However, after about 4 bites I think I actually heard my artery's hardend and my cholesterol rise. In fact, my chest constricted and I think my aorta closed in protest for a second. I ended up digging around in the bowl for the lobster bits. On the upside, it did help make me sleepy.
Tuesday morning, I awoke bright eyed and ready to go. My cholesterol returned to normal and all blood vessels were functioning. I made my way down to the conference breakfast and opening speakers. I stayed for the first 2 hours before heading back to my room to try to get some work down. I still had to do my normal job as well as cover for prairie region while I was out of town. This is where my week started to go sideways.
I should mention that two weeks prior my computer crashed. It took the IT department that whole time to fix but they sent it back to me all good to go the Friday before I left for the centre of the universe on Monday. We tested it and everything. AND THEN.... they did some upgrades over the weekend to "make things better." I tried for three hours to make the system work so I could do my job before taking a break for lunch. I was covered in sweat and stress as I made my way downstairs. I entered the elevator and lo and behold, I was trapped. I was stuck in the elevator for 20 minutes before they let me out. Of couse as soon as I realized I was trapped, I had to pee. I didn't have to go before I got in the elevator. I saw this as an omen.
After lunch and one seminar session, I headed back to my room to try to get some work done. My computer would not co-operate and I spent the next 6 hours on the phone with the IT department threatening to blow the stupid laptop up. Finally, someone came to my room to help make it work. It worked while he was in the room but when he left, I was back to the beginning - 3 minutes in and then it would kick me out again. Another call to IT and the offer of giving them 10 mintes to be outside my hotel room window to catch the stupid machine when I throw it out or they can finally fix the damn thing. I still had so much work to do and little time left. I was to be at an Advisor function for 7pm and be on a bowling team and here was already 7:10. I finally gave up on work and ran for the door (and the stairs) to head to the event site. I arrived in time for a few appetizers and a cold Corona (well, if truth be told - 3) before putitng on the bowling shoes for a game of ten pin. I actually had a great time.
At 10:30, I was on my way back to the hotel to try yet again to get my job done. As we walked back to the Royal York hotel on Front street, we walked in front of the CBC building when holy crap! I almost stepped on it - another dead bird had landed 5 feet in front of me. I am definiately seeing a pattern here. That makes three in less than 2 weeks if anyone is counting. Back in my room I tried to get back to work. I was given three minutes in before the system crashed and I was booted out again. It took me until almost 2 in the morning to get trades reviewed and applications approved. I fell into bed to the 4 hours sleep before the alarm was to go off and the fun could start all over again.
When I awoke on Wednesday, although groggy and perhaps a little hung over, I was determined to have a great day and not let my IT issues get to me. I headed down to breakfast and a seminar session with a lighter heart. I must learn when it comes to tech, it knows when you are in a good mood and feeling optomistic. If you appear this way in front of your machine, you are in for a world of hurt.
Back in my room, my laptop determined it would not even give me the three minutes anymore. Nothing worked at all. I packed the whole kit and kaboodle up and headed to our head office IT department 2 blocks away. Suffice to say, I was there most of the afternoon until finally at 7:15pm my system worked - well sort of. I was late for the Gala dinner and rushed back to my room to throw on my dress and get to the ballroom. I made it in time for dinner to be served. It was lovely. After two days of stress and anxiety I was pleased to just relax with a glass of wine, some good food and lovely people. After dessert and during the keynote speaker, I felt a wave come over me. I was about to be sick. Nice. Right in front of my bosses while I was wearing heals and a dress. Just perfect. I rushed out of the ballroom and made it to the ladies room in time to lose my dinner. I made it to my room in time to lose my dessert. I climbed into bed almost in tears wishing I were home.
Thursday morning I felt a bit better and made my way downstairs to breakfast and the closing speakers. Afterwards, I was back in my room with my laptop trying yet again to do my job. I was reminded of the definition of insanity "repeating the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome". I was slowly going insane. Back to head office and the IT department. I offered them cash to never "upgrade" me again. I even threatened that there was a very good chance that Air Canada would lose the laptop on my flight home. By the end of the day, I had officially spent more time with IT than I did at the seminar. I ended up leaving the computer with them overnight and made my way back to my room. I had hopes of a swim in the pool followed by a massage. The pool was closed and the massager went home with the flu. Nice. I had a bath and beat myself about the head with my pillow.
Friday morning I headed back to the office to IT to pick up my crap. They finally figured out what the problem was and my system worked. However, I now needed to head to airport so I still could not do my job. I felt pretty good when I went back to the hotel to check out - I was going home and my laptop finally worked. Yehaa! I grabbed my bags and headed downstairs. Imagine my surprise at what happened next.
I had 90 minutes to get the airport. I had already checked in electronically so was not in too big of a rush. I presented myself to the desk clerk for checkout and to pay the $5.03 in room charges. When he presented me with charges of $549.99 I almost tripped over my suitcase as I staggered backwards. What on earth was he talking about? To make this short and sweet, it seems that someone had been running around charging food and other items to my room. When I insisted this was not me, he had me wait while he retrieved the actual signed chits and compared them to my signature. This took some time. My 90 minute window was dwindling away. In short, the signature was not even close. Someone must have overheard my name and room number and thought it would be kind of funny to stick me with the bills. I was getting very antsy as I tried to prove my innosence. I was about to miss my flight. I think my voice went up several notches and I was about to go all Rambo over the clerk's face. As they finally realized that this was in fact not me, they were a little contrite and apologetic. What was I going to do about my flight? In short, the hotel called Air Canada and booked me on the next flight - at no charge to me.
I raced to the airport where I ran through like an Olympian, checked my bag and made it to security. In my haste, I dropped my purse all over the floor. As I was bent down to pick everything up, I was tapped on the shoulder - "Can you come with us? You have been chosen for a full scan and search. You can chose to go into the privacy of the room to your right if you like." Are they kidding me? Just once I want to travel without issues and crap happening.
To top things off, the plane was full and the only seat available was a window seat - not my favorite. I prefer the aisle. I had to go pee in about hour 3 of the 5 hour flight. The fella on the aisle seat was fast asleep. We tried, including the stewardess, to wake him with no success. Suffice to say that by the time we landed, I was jogging through the airport to get to the ladies room.
All in all, a pretty crappy week. The people I met were wonderful. It was great to finally put some faces to the voices I had only ever spoken to before.
Well, this week will be a busy one as I try to catch up on everything I was supposed to do last week. Can't say I am looking forward to it. I need a vacation that involves sun, sand and a Swede named Sven who is the posser of magic massage hands and no technologie at all - including phones.
I will keep you posted.
Cheers
Friday, May 27, 2011
Divine intervention
Well, I think someone is really watching over me. For those who know me, you are aware that I have a ridiculous fear of birds. I know it is irrational. However, all fear is irrational so it really amounts to nothing out of the ordinary.
Imagine stepping outside of your office building and stopping to pop your earbuds in so you can listen to music on the walk home. Just as I was about to turn my MP3 player on, someone called out to me. I turned around and took a half step forward. That's when it happened - without warning. A giant pidgeon -humungous - honestly the biggest damn bird I had ever seen, fell dead from the sky and landed right where I had been standing. Well, I think I wet myself as I ran screaming back into the building. I almost died right there. A half second and the thing would have hit me right in the head. Ya'll would then either be attending my funeral - possibly the hit itself would have killed me - or you would be visiting me in the psych ward were I would have been having a mental breakdown at getting hit with a dead bird. As it was I had nightmares that night about dead birds falling from the sky.
It was quiet. Not at all like I might have expected. I think I watched too much Road Runner and Wyle E. Coyote as a kid. I would have thought there would be that whistling sound of falling - nothing but silence and then thud (maybe splat). Well, as I dragged myself into work the next morning after little sleep (remember the nightmares), I was thinking about what had happend and the odds of it ever happening again. I decided not to take any chances and I would make an effort to always stand under an overhang just in case. Mid-morning, I decided to take a break and went across the street to pick up some fruit and a bagel and sit on the bench on the back balcony of the building for a bit. I'll be damned. I was putting my bagel in my mouth and looking up to enjoy a lonely patch of sunshine when wham - down came a second bird. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING AGAIN! I almost chocked on the bread, left my seat and screamed loud enough that the next group of people coming out the door looked incredibly startled. I ran past them and made my way to the elevator on the way to the washroom to see if I actually crapped my drawers. I like to think someone was watching over me that allowed me to be just out of the way when both incidences happend. I think it was my mother. The reason I think it was Mother is that I didn't actually have an accident. That would never do. Ladies do not crap their drawers in public. That can only happen in the privacy of your own home when no one else is around.
On another note, while we have been having superbly crappy weather so far this spring, I do love this time of year. The flowers are coming out. People are in better moods (well, the rain is making that a little difficult) and the street entertainers are coming out in full force. This past week I came out of the office and was startled to almost bump into 10 foot tall man in full kilt and bagpipes. He was on stilts that were made up to look like horses hooves. When I looked up he also had horns on his head and I realized he was dressed as the mythical Pan. Although I seem to recall Pan playing the flute. Across the street from him was a man dressed entirely in silver - from head to toe and wearing hockey skates and holding a hockey stick. He had a can out where he was taking a minimum $5 donation to have your picture taken with him. He had quite a crowd of people waiting for the opportunity. I have to admire the initiative and be in awe of those folks who are willing to pay for a silly picture.
I am also thinking of putting out a missing persons report. I have not seen skinny white rapper boys in a while. Maybe their duelling rapping took a turn for the worse and they knocked each other out.
I can hardly wait until the weather warms up and we can see who else shows up on the street.
Well, I am off to Toronto on Monday for the week. I will update ya'll when I get back. I am not sure those folks back east can compare to the rich street life we have out here.
Stay tuned.
Imagine stepping outside of your office building and stopping to pop your earbuds in so you can listen to music on the walk home. Just as I was about to turn my MP3 player on, someone called out to me. I turned around and took a half step forward. That's when it happened - without warning. A giant pidgeon -humungous - honestly the biggest damn bird I had ever seen, fell dead from the sky and landed right where I had been standing. Well, I think I wet myself as I ran screaming back into the building. I almost died right there. A half second and the thing would have hit me right in the head. Ya'll would then either be attending my funeral - possibly the hit itself would have killed me - or you would be visiting me in the psych ward were I would have been having a mental breakdown at getting hit with a dead bird. As it was I had nightmares that night about dead birds falling from the sky.
It was quiet. Not at all like I might have expected. I think I watched too much Road Runner and Wyle E. Coyote as a kid. I would have thought there would be that whistling sound of falling - nothing but silence and then thud (maybe splat). Well, as I dragged myself into work the next morning after little sleep (remember the nightmares), I was thinking about what had happend and the odds of it ever happening again. I decided not to take any chances and I would make an effort to always stand under an overhang just in case. Mid-morning, I decided to take a break and went across the street to pick up some fruit and a bagel and sit on the bench on the back balcony of the building for a bit. I'll be damned. I was putting my bagel in my mouth and looking up to enjoy a lonely patch of sunshine when wham - down came a second bird. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING AGAIN! I almost chocked on the bread, left my seat and screamed loud enough that the next group of people coming out the door looked incredibly startled. I ran past them and made my way to the elevator on the way to the washroom to see if I actually crapped my drawers. I like to think someone was watching over me that allowed me to be just out of the way when both incidences happend. I think it was my mother. The reason I think it was Mother is that I didn't actually have an accident. That would never do. Ladies do not crap their drawers in public. That can only happen in the privacy of your own home when no one else is around.
On another note, while we have been having superbly crappy weather so far this spring, I do love this time of year. The flowers are coming out. People are in better moods (well, the rain is making that a little difficult) and the street entertainers are coming out in full force. This past week I came out of the office and was startled to almost bump into 10 foot tall man in full kilt and bagpipes. He was on stilts that were made up to look like horses hooves. When I looked up he also had horns on his head and I realized he was dressed as the mythical Pan. Although I seem to recall Pan playing the flute. Across the street from him was a man dressed entirely in silver - from head to toe and wearing hockey skates and holding a hockey stick. He had a can out where he was taking a minimum $5 donation to have your picture taken with him. He had quite a crowd of people waiting for the opportunity. I have to admire the initiative and be in awe of those folks who are willing to pay for a silly picture.
I am also thinking of putting out a missing persons report. I have not seen skinny white rapper boys in a while. Maybe their duelling rapping took a turn for the worse and they knocked each other out.
I can hardly wait until the weather warms up and we can see who else shows up on the street.
Well, I am off to Toronto on Monday for the week. I will update ya'll when I get back. I am not sure those folks back east can compare to the rich street life we have out here.
Stay tuned.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Too Much of Woman
He is tall, good looking with salt and pepper hair and deep blue eyes. He likes to ride his bike, read a good novel, travel and spend time with his family. Oddly, he sounds just like me (well minus the height thing and the hair). He is funny and appeared to be intellegent (appearances can be deceiving). His name is Rick
We met for coffee in the afternoon and 25 minutes later..............
"I am thinking that perhaps you are not what I am looking for. You appear to be too successful for me. I am looking for someone who needs me, that I can take care of."
Translation - I am a big woosy and you can probably beat the crap out of me. OR - I am afraid of competent women and need to be the one in the position of power because I have no self-esteem and am suffering from low testosterone levels.
Oy Vey! What the heck. I didn't like him anyway. Rarely do I find it appealing when I have more testosterone than my date. I hate having to protect my boyfriend from harm as he hides behind my skirt. However, never say never. Having never experienced that before, who knows, maybe I would like it. I came close once though - first husband but that's a story for another day.
Is there something in the water that I don't know about? Does it have to do with the fact that I now have to shave, pluck or laser chin hairs now? I really thought that men appreciated successful women. And who even said I was successful? If he had stuck around longer he might have discovered that I am hanging on by a thread. Most days I have to dress twice since I usually forget something. Some days I even forget where I am supposed to be. If I remember to wear two of the same socks, I know it will be a good day.
Things were put into perspective for me this morning. I was visiting my doctor for an early morning check-up. I told him I give up. I am totally prepared to never date again. He looked at me for a minute and said "you still have a shot. Your problem will come when you have to wear a catheter bag. That will make dating difficult." My head snapped back so quickly I knocked it against the wall and the picture fell down. I demanded to know what he meant by that. Was he saying I was going to have to wear a bag around? Actually, turns out he was just pointing out things could be worse. Remember, my Doc is a funny man.
Well, since I am perfectly happy in my life, this is not devestating news to me. I am prepared to live with a house full of cats and rocking chairs. Doesn't mean I have given up. I will continue with my social expermentation. Wonder if I can get a grant for my research. That would be cool. I would date with a clip board asking all sorts of personal questions such as "Do you dress left or right?"
Anyway, have a very full weekend planned - 2 lacrosse games and a brunch!
Stay tuned.
We met for coffee in the afternoon and 25 minutes later..............
"I am thinking that perhaps you are not what I am looking for. You appear to be too successful for me. I am looking for someone who needs me, that I can take care of."
Translation - I am a big woosy and you can probably beat the crap out of me. OR - I am afraid of competent women and need to be the one in the position of power because I have no self-esteem and am suffering from low testosterone levels.
Oy Vey! What the heck. I didn't like him anyway. Rarely do I find it appealing when I have more testosterone than my date. I hate having to protect my boyfriend from harm as he hides behind my skirt. However, never say never. Having never experienced that before, who knows, maybe I would like it. I came close once though - first husband but that's a story for another day.
Is there something in the water that I don't know about? Does it have to do with the fact that I now have to shave, pluck or laser chin hairs now? I really thought that men appreciated successful women. And who even said I was successful? If he had stuck around longer he might have discovered that I am hanging on by a thread. Most days I have to dress twice since I usually forget something. Some days I even forget where I am supposed to be. If I remember to wear two of the same socks, I know it will be a good day.
Things were put into perspective for me this morning. I was visiting my doctor for an early morning check-up. I told him I give up. I am totally prepared to never date again. He looked at me for a minute and said "you still have a shot. Your problem will come when you have to wear a catheter bag. That will make dating difficult." My head snapped back so quickly I knocked it against the wall and the picture fell down. I demanded to know what he meant by that. Was he saying I was going to have to wear a bag around? Actually, turns out he was just pointing out things could be worse. Remember, my Doc is a funny man.
Well, since I am perfectly happy in my life, this is not devestating news to me. I am prepared to live with a house full of cats and rocking chairs. Doesn't mean I have given up. I will continue with my social expermentation. Wonder if I can get a grant for my research. That would be cool. I would date with a clip board asking all sorts of personal questions such as "Do you dress left or right?"
Anyway, have a very full weekend planned - 2 lacrosse games and a brunch!
Stay tuned.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Happy Mothers Day!
Here are the rules for holidays in my house:
1) Mothers Day
2) My Birthday
3) Christmas
It's just the way it is. I love Mother's day. I must admit I loved them more when my children were young but I still enjoy the day. I miss those early days when I got served Rice Krispies with green Kool-Aid because we were out of milk. I miss that lunch time salad made with bits of cut up hot dog because the girls were creative and they remembered when I said my mother used to cut up hot dogs in macaroni. They figured I must love them. The one morning when I had my eyelid pealed back by an excited child because they thought I was sleeping too long and it was only 5am.
Today I spent the day with my oldest daughter and her family at my grandsons lacrosse game. It was the final game in his first tournament. It was wonderful and I had a great time (they lost 6-5 at the last minute and brought home a silver). My oldest granddaughter presented me with a mothers day gift as well. She very proudly gave me pieces of a puzzle and a small soccer ball she found. It was ok the puzzle was missing pieces because as she explained, that made it harder to do and would keep me busy for a long time. The soccer ball was a gift because she had another one. It was very sweet and gave me flash backs to those earlier days.
By tradition, I do nothing on Mothers Day. I do not cook, do dishes, pick up laundry or even wipe down a counter. This was a lot easier to do when the girls were little as they did it for me. However, since I now live with a brother who behaves this way on a daily basis, it made for an interesting time. It took an amazing strength of character for me to ignore the dishes, the sticky counter and the mess in the hallway. However, since I am a person of strength, I did manage to step over the mess, walk away from the kitchen and hide out in my room giving myself a manicure and watching Murphy Brown re-runs on my computer. I will pay for this tomorrow but it doesn't matter - the tradition stands!
I also discovered something today as I stood in the stands yelling and cheering on my grandson. I got so excited at one point I jumped right up, forgetting my youngest granddaughter was on my lap, and dropped her on the floor. Anyway, as I drove away from my family, I discovered I really and truly missed those days of driving home with my children after a softball, basketball, volleyball game or dance recital reliving the event and excitedly discussing the high points. I wished I had had more children. Not a whole baseball teams worth, but one or two more.
This rather surprised me. If someone asked me 15 years ago if I would have wanted more children I would have laughed maniacally. I guess you really do mellow with age and remember things in a different light -the terrible twos that lasted 15 years, the teenage hormones running amok, the worry over late nights, driving and boyfriends are forgotten.
\
I began to wonder if there was a way they could reverse my hysterectomy and if it was too late to have just one more. I awoke from my stupor with a start - took two aspirins when I got home and now I feel much better!
I have a busy week ahead of me. I have another blind date on Thursday afternoon for coffee. I will keep you posted.
stay tuned
1) Mothers Day
2) My Birthday
3) Christmas
It's just the way it is. I love Mother's day. I must admit I loved them more when my children were young but I still enjoy the day. I miss those early days when I got served Rice Krispies with green Kool-Aid because we were out of milk. I miss that lunch time salad made with bits of cut up hot dog because the girls were creative and they remembered when I said my mother used to cut up hot dogs in macaroni. They figured I must love them. The one morning when I had my eyelid pealed back by an excited child because they thought I was sleeping too long and it was only 5am.
Today I spent the day with my oldest daughter and her family at my grandsons lacrosse game. It was the final game in his first tournament. It was wonderful and I had a great time (they lost 6-5 at the last minute and brought home a silver). My oldest granddaughter presented me with a mothers day gift as well. She very proudly gave me pieces of a puzzle and a small soccer ball she found. It was ok the puzzle was missing pieces because as she explained, that made it harder to do and would keep me busy for a long time. The soccer ball was a gift because she had another one. It was very sweet and gave me flash backs to those earlier days.
By tradition, I do nothing on Mothers Day. I do not cook, do dishes, pick up laundry or even wipe down a counter. This was a lot easier to do when the girls were little as they did it for me. However, since I now live with a brother who behaves this way on a daily basis, it made for an interesting time. It took an amazing strength of character for me to ignore the dishes, the sticky counter and the mess in the hallway. However, since I am a person of strength, I did manage to step over the mess, walk away from the kitchen and hide out in my room giving myself a manicure and watching Murphy Brown re-runs on my computer. I will pay for this tomorrow but it doesn't matter - the tradition stands!
I also discovered something today as I stood in the stands yelling and cheering on my grandson. I got so excited at one point I jumped right up, forgetting my youngest granddaughter was on my lap, and dropped her on the floor. Anyway, as I drove away from my family, I discovered I really and truly missed those days of driving home with my children after a softball, basketball, volleyball game or dance recital reliving the event and excitedly discussing the high points. I wished I had had more children. Not a whole baseball teams worth, but one or two more.
This rather surprised me. If someone asked me 15 years ago if I would have wanted more children I would have laughed maniacally. I guess you really do mellow with age and remember things in a different light -the terrible twos that lasted 15 years, the teenage hormones running amok, the worry over late nights, driving and boyfriends are forgotten.
\
I began to wonder if there was a way they could reverse my hysterectomy and if it was too late to have just one more. I awoke from my stupor with a start - took two aspirins when I got home and now I feel much better!
I have a busy week ahead of me. I have another blind date on Thursday afternoon for coffee. I will keep you posted.
stay tuned
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Crap on a piece of toast
I went to sleep last night feeling deeply disappointed. I was upset that only 60% of our voting population took the time to get out and vote and that of that 60% - 40% of them voted as they did. If you do not participate you do not have a right to complain. On the upside, can't wait to see how a former waitress who didn't even campaign (went to Vegas instead) is going to function in parliment. Hope she bought some new clothes at that fabulous outlet mall in Vegas.
Other crap - my cake decorating classes ended and other than gaining 10 pounds, I am not sure I really learned anything that will help me in decorating fabulous cakes for the grandkids. Turns out that while I learned what each of the tips in my kit are used for, I have no imagination or real talent for decorating. While I managed to make 55 cupcakes for my wee granddaughters Easter birthday party, some of them looked like something they could make themselves. They did taste ok though. My son-in-law must have gained the most weight during my classes. He ate two of my homework cakes and a good portion of the cupcakes. I don't think he really cared what they looked like - more of how they tasted and for that I am grateful to Betty Crocker and her "Moist Devils Food Cake" mixes.
On Saturday I attended my grandson, Xavier's lacrosse game. I really have no idea what came over me (might have been the sugar high from that last cake) but I turned into someone with no sense of shame and a real lust for blood. I remember yelling and cheering for my children during their sporting events but they were never in real contact sports. I found myself jumping up and down urging him to "take him out/down and hit him, hit him, for God's sake hit him hard and take him out". There was a mom sitting on the bench beside me who said she thought I was the "nice Nana". Ha!
After the game, Xavier came out all sweaty and happy and said he could hear me across the arena. I asked if I embarrassed him (a bonus) and he said "it was ok as long as I didn't use his name." I think that counts as embarrassment. That was a plus. I think it is in my grandma contract to "love, spoil and embarrass at all appropriate opportunities."
I am going back online this weekend with new pictures and a full of bull bio. My social experiment is about to begin again. I decided it was time. Enough of my hair has grown out now that I kind of like it again. I will not have to hide from the camera. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I did not look quite as dorky as I thought when a gentleman in line at the Bay started talking to me and told me I looked attractive and he liked my hair and my shoes. So what if he is gay? It still counts as a compliment. I think I even blushed.
Well, off to pack for a road trip to the island.
Stay tuned
Other crap - my cake decorating classes ended and other than gaining 10 pounds, I am not sure I really learned anything that will help me in decorating fabulous cakes for the grandkids. Turns out that while I learned what each of the tips in my kit are used for, I have no imagination or real talent for decorating. While I managed to make 55 cupcakes for my wee granddaughters Easter birthday party, some of them looked like something they could make themselves. They did taste ok though. My son-in-law must have gained the most weight during my classes. He ate two of my homework cakes and a good portion of the cupcakes. I don't think he really cared what they looked like - more of how they tasted and for that I am grateful to Betty Crocker and her "Moist Devils Food Cake" mixes.
On Saturday I attended my grandson, Xavier's lacrosse game. I really have no idea what came over me (might have been the sugar high from that last cake) but I turned into someone with no sense of shame and a real lust for blood. I remember yelling and cheering for my children during their sporting events but they were never in real contact sports. I found myself jumping up and down urging him to "take him out/down and hit him, hit him, for God's sake hit him hard and take him out". There was a mom sitting on the bench beside me who said she thought I was the "nice Nana". Ha!
After the game, Xavier came out all sweaty and happy and said he could hear me across the arena. I asked if I embarrassed him (a bonus) and he said "it was ok as long as I didn't use his name." I think that counts as embarrassment. That was a plus. I think it is in my grandma contract to "love, spoil and embarrass at all appropriate opportunities."
I am going back online this weekend with new pictures and a full of bull bio. My social experiment is about to begin again. I decided it was time. Enough of my hair has grown out now that I kind of like it again. I will not have to hide from the camera. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I did not look quite as dorky as I thought when a gentleman in line at the Bay started talking to me and told me I looked attractive and he liked my hair and my shoes. So what if he is gay? It still counts as a compliment. I think I even blushed.
Well, off to pack for a road trip to the island.
Stay tuned
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