Friday, September 10, 2010

Duelling Skinny White Boy Rappers

What a week!  Granville street has gone back to traffic travelling on the 2-3 blocks between Robson and Dunsmuir after about 5 years of closure.  Now my bus gets off right outside my door.  While it is nice for me, I miss the wandering foot traffic and weekday shows that used to pop up each day.

However, I was treated to a couple of interesting things this week on Granville.  The first was the duelling skinny white boy rappers.  One was set up just in front of The Bay and the other was about 100 feet away by the entrance to the Canada Line.  Frankly, I was embarrassed on thier behalf.  It was plain embarrassing to see/hear and watch.  Tough to pull off black rap when you have a scruffy beard and are wearing cordoroys.  Not to mention, they were both just plain bad.

Later on in the week we were regaled by two separate Bon Jovi enthusiasts.  Can't get whiter than that.  They were not that bad.  However, it lost a little something with the streetcars and buses rolling up and down the street momentarily drowning them out.  There was a bit of excitment as one set up right beside a fella who had set up shop to sell his wood carvings.  However, he had quite a scam going.  At one point the wood carver asked him to please "shut the hell up" and quit singing in his ear.  The guitarist offered to move for $20.  The carver paid it and the singer moved down the street.  I am thinking I should just walk up to folks and start singing and when they ask me to leave them alone, I will offer to do so for $20.  I could make a killing since I have been told not only that I cannot sing but that I am also downright annoying at times (see brother for confirm).

Twice during the week, while awaiting my bus home, I watched individuals intent on playing 'chicken' with the buses.  They just step right off the curb and into the line of an oncoming bus.  For one fella, the horn of the bus blasts and he stops dead in his track with that 'dear in the headlights' look.  The bus honks again and he is still standing there.  Finally, someone else steps into the street and pulls him to the sidewalk.  I am thinking this man is obviously brain dead as he then proceeds to swear (at length and at top volume) at the bus.  He is under the misconception this is still a pedestrian walk-way.  He demands that witnesses come forward and agree to give him the number to the bus company so he can launch a lawsuit since he was almost killed.  Since he lived, it seems he suffered traumatic side effects.  I offered to push him back into the street so that he might be killed and then he would have a better chance at winning that lawsuit.  I thought it was funny.  Seems I am the only person on Granville with a sense of humour.

I am quite excited.  I finally had the opportunity to get my eyes checked and order my new glasses.  The Bay happens to have a 50% off sale for a full set of specs.  In 3 weeks, I will be the proud owner of my very first designer glasses - Marc Jacobs thank you very much.  I have put in a special request to have the name brand enhanced on the arm piece but it seems they think that is tacky.  I think it is along the lines of when you lose a bunch of weight and you purchase a dress in one of the single digit sizes, you want to wear the tag on the outside.  There was no need for the Optician to look at me that way.

So, today, my friend Heather came to my office to take a few pictures of me so that I can go back online and back to dating.  I got home and discovered a problem - she sent them all via some other non-compatible system and I cannot use them.  Part of me is thrilled - I looked all old and wrinkly - and I thought I wouldn't have to sign up again and the other part of me was depressed - OMG - I looked all old and wrinkly.  I am thinking that perhaps I should wait until the face lift before doing this again.

I have an appointment next week with a plastic surgeon who does layaway.  If I pay for 2/3 of the procedure then they will proceed and I can pay for the rest afterward.  I am thinking along the lines of a mini-face lift.  Nothing so drastic that I walk around looking permanently surprised but enough so the old and wrinkly will be gone.  Bonus if I can actually look younger than my oldest child.  I will keep you posted on how the appointment turns out.

Have a great weekend and stay tuned


Monday, September 6, 2010


So today is the last day of my wee staycation.  It has been a very busy time.  It started with my spa weekend (and we know how that turned out) and is ending with laundry, dishes and cleaning.

Here is a snapshot of my week - I took the grandkids to the PNE on the rainiest day of the whole fair.  On the upside, it wasn't busy.  But on the downside, I just about froze my backside off.  We started off with a treat - well for them since just ordering them made my arteries clog and my butt widen by 3 inches.  The kids shared an order of deep fried oreos and deep fried jelly beans.  Turns out, they liked the oreos best.  We spent the afternoon discovering the origin of candy, watching the Superdogs, pig races, petting zoo and then made our way to the rides and games.  Normally, we do the rides in July at Playland and everything else during the fair because of all the lines.  However, this time since it was just about a ghost town, the kids were allowed to pick two rides each.  I almost fell over - I thought I was going to have to call the bank for a loan.  The tickets are $1.50 each and each ride took between 3 and 7 tickets.  Well, when Xavier picked his second ride I was shocked.  My wee man took to the roller coaster like a duck to water.  He loved it and wanted to go again and again.  However at $10 a pop, he is going to have to get a job first.  We spent 8 hours at the fair and everyone was tired and wet by the time we made it home.  After bath time and some cartoons, it was bedtime.  We had another big day ahead of us.

Up at 6:30am and breakfast and then pack up for the ferry ride to the island to visit my father and step-mother.  The ferry ride was a blast.  The kids had fun playing on deck and dancing around in the wind.  After a wonderful lunch served in little plastic pails, we headed down to the beach to search for shells and any other organisms we could find.  Lexie showed no fear and walked directly into the water with no thought to the fact that her boots were filling with water.  I tried to warn her and hold her back but it was only a matter of time before she fell in the ocean.  Surprisingly, she lasted longer than I thought - about 15-20 minutes before she fell in.  Rae on the other hand, was very careful as she didn't like to get dirty.  She is very much a wee princess.  Xavier discovered his boots are not at all waterproof.  We collected shells, crabs and found a huge jelly fish that had washed up on shore.  It was a blast.  The kids played with toys, games and we ate and ate and ate.  Joyce, my fathers wife, is an amazing cook.  We got to play camping as well by sleeping in thier 5th wheel.  The kids had a blast and can't wait to go back.  In fact, as we pulled away on Thursday for the trip home, Xavier wanted to know if we could come back to Great Grandads for Christmas.  "How can someone not be home for Christmas?  What will happen to him and how will Santa find him if he is not here?"  I said he was going on holiday to Mexico and that just didn't sit well with him.

Friday had me heading back to the PNE for the concert of Cyndi Lauper.  While it was a great concert, from what I could see, it was also the busiest day of the fair and it was so crammed with people I could hardly move.  I stood beside this man who decided to sing along with Cyndi - great, now I had stereo - bad stereo.  I smiled at him as he was obviously having a blast and he offered to hand me his microphone - a used candy floss cone.  I passed by stating I had a sore throat and decided to move away before he wanted to offer anything else.

Saturday had my brother and I being invited to a BBQ with our cousin Rob at his place.  The salmon was delicious and the company wonderful.  We stayed much longer than I expected and had to coast back into the city on gas fumes as I forgot to fill up for awhile.  We tried a couple of different exits before we finally found a station open at 1am and almost literally coasted to the pumps on fumes.  I really have to stop doing this.  It would not be the first time we ran out of gas.  Because I no longer drive I often  seem to think that the gas fairy will show up and keep me gassed and loaded to go.

Sunday, I met up with a very dear friend and her husband.  We went to a lunch of grilled cheese and lobster sandwiches........mmmmm yummy.  We wandered off to watch the cruise ships leave for Alaska (I am assuming).  I sooooo wanted to be on one of them.  I really don't care where they go anymore - just put me on a ship and I will be happy.

Well, with back to work tomorrow I am hoping to get back into the swing of things where I will bite the bullet and perhaps date again without wanting to shoot myself in the foot.  I guess I will also have to buy some pantyhose as my days of bare legs have come to an end as well as put my white pants away.

Stay tuned