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Friday, May 27, 2011

Divine intervention

Well, I think someone is really watching over me.  For those who know me, you are aware that I have a ridiculous fear of birds.  I know it is irrational.  However, all fear is irrational so it really amounts to nothing out of the ordinary.

Imagine stepping outside of your office building and stopping to pop your earbuds in so you can listen to music on the walk home.  Just as I was about to turn my MP3 player on, someone called out to me.  I turned around and took a half step forward.  That's when it happened - without warning.  A giant pidgeon -humungous - honestly the biggest damn bird I had ever seen, fell dead from the sky and landed right where I had been standing.  Well, I think I wet myself as I ran screaming back into the building.  I almost died right there.  A half second and the thing would have hit me right in the head.  Ya'll would then either be attending my funeral - possibly the hit itself would have killed me - or you would be visiting me in the psych ward were I would have been having a mental breakdown at getting hit with a dead bird.  As it was I had nightmares that night about dead birds falling from the sky.

It was quiet.  Not at all like I might have expected.  I think I watched too much Road Runner and Wyle E. Coyote as a kid.  I would have thought there would be that whistling sound of falling - nothing but silence and then thud (maybe splat).  Well, as I dragged myself into work the next morning after little sleep (remember the nightmares), I was thinking about what had happend and the odds of it ever happening again.   I decided not to take any chances and I would make an effort to always stand under an overhang just in case.  Mid-morning, I decided to take a break and went across the street to pick up some fruit and a bagel and sit on the bench on the back balcony of the building for a bit.  I'll be damned.  I was putting my bagel in my mouth and looking up to enjoy a lonely patch of sunshine when wham - down came a second bird.  I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING AGAIN!  I almost chocked on the bread, left my seat and screamed loud enough that the next group of people coming out the door looked incredibly startled.  I ran past them and made my way to the elevator on the way to the washroom to see if I actually crapped my drawers.  I like to think someone was watching over me that allowed me to be just out of the way when both incidences happend.  I think it was my mother.  The reason I think it was Mother is that I didn't actually have an accident.  That would never do.  Ladies do not crap their drawers in public.  That can only happen in the privacy of your own home when no one else is around.

On another note, while we have been having superbly crappy weather so far this spring, I do love this time of year.  The flowers are coming out.  People are in better moods (well, the rain is making that a little difficult) and the street entertainers are coming out in full force.  This past week I came out of the office and was startled to almost bump into 10 foot tall man in full kilt and bagpipes.  He was on stilts that were made up to look like horses hooves.  When I looked up he also had horns on his head and I realized he was dressed as the mythical Pan.  Although I seem to recall Pan playing the flute.  Across the street from him was a man dressed entirely in silver - from head to toe and wearing hockey skates and holding a hockey stick.  He had a can out where he was taking a minimum $5 donation to have your picture taken with him.  He had quite a crowd of people waiting for the opportunity.  I have to admire the initiative and be in awe of those folks who are willing to pay for a silly picture.

I am also thinking of putting out a missing persons report.  I have not seen skinny white rapper boys in a while.  Maybe their duelling rapping took a turn for the worse and they knocked each other out.

I can hardly wait until the weather warms up and we can see who else shows up on the street. 

Well, I am off to Toronto on Monday for the week.  I will update ya'll when I get back.  I am not sure those folks back east can compare to the rich street life we have out here.

Stay tuned.

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