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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Granville Street

Lots going on this week on Granville.  For those of you not aware, Granville Street is a downtown hub of activity filled with a generous assortment of oddities.

Skinny White Boy Rapper has upped his game.  Last evening while awaiting my bus, I was privy to his newest sidewalk concert.  He no longer just 'raps' em out on his own.  He now raps to a soundtrack complete with background singers and a full orchestra.  Because my bus was late, I had a front row seat to his rendition of Celine Dion's song from Titanic - rap style.  I had to give him kudos for thinking outside the box.  He was so outside the box he entered the Isosceles Triangle state - three equal sides - no way out.  While I am not a real fan of Celine, I almost felt sorry for her.

You may also be amused by my 3rd encounter with cash machine guy.  This time I saw him before he saw me and as I stood there smiling waiting for him to approach me I watched him look up and catch my eye.  He stopped short and was unsure which direction to go.  As he finally decided to back up and head south, I shouted "Aw c'mon.  Don't leave me hanging here.  Perhaps 3rd times the charm.  You never know until you ask."  People stopped to stare as he broke out into a run straight down Granville towards Robson where perhaps he could attract a richer sort of clientel.  I think I have found my new hobby.  Now I just need to track down the guy with the locked car trying to get his passport who is willing to give me his laptop if I would just pay for a cab back to the airport.  He has approached me twice in a period of about 6 months.  While I had to give him kudos for the inventive story, all I could reply on his second approach was "your car was probably towed by now".

I love Granville Street!

Today, as yesterday, we have a celtic band playing a concert in the courtyard of Sears right across the street.  Really cool.  I had forgotten we are coming up on St. Paddy's day but was reminded as I went to get a cup of soup for lunch and was asked if I wanted to try a green St. Patrick's day sandwich with my soup.  While I am up for most things, I am thinking that green on bread = mold and that doesn't quite perk up my appetite.

My appointment for another consultation takes place on Wednesday, March 30th.  Can't wait to see what they charge for the silly putty face fillers.

I haven't located a camera with a soft light filter yet to take my photos so dating will have to be put on hold unless someone sets me up with their friend, neighbor, brother, father, lawyer, accountant, doctor, plumber....well you get the picture.

Stay tuned

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

First Consultation

So I had my first consultation on Friday morning.  Wow!  Who knew that silly putty was so expensive.    The appointment lasted almost two hours and I felt like I was the sad little bridesmaid who gets chosen because the bride feels sorry for her.  I know that I am not happy with certain aspects of my face but to hear these people talk - they sent in three nurses and two doctors- I will die alone and unloved if I do not fix the horribleness that is my face before it is too late.  Good thing I have a pretty good sense of self or I might have whipped out the credit card then and there and let them do their magic.  I can understand how so many people pay so much for this stuff if this is the way they go about sucking in you in by trying to make a person feel horrible.

They said I needed the following:  Face treatment creams - cost $600 for three months worth,  Botox injections around my mouth, chin and eyes (I didn't even want my eyes done) - $600 and lasts 3-4 months and finally the filler (also known as silly putty) -3cc's for $3000 and will last about 9 months.  Total cost comes to $4200.

While I am worth every penny, I am not sure I wouldn't rather just spend it on a rather wonderful vacation while contemplating the lonely life ahead of me.  However, I am not to be deterred quite yet.  I am booking another consulation appointment with the Facial Rejuvination centre for next week..  I will see what they say.

I still want the silly putty but it seems in order to have the procedure I will need a second job.  I started to think about it and it turns out I am not qualified for anything other than what I do now.  In order to work at even McDonald's, I need a course called "food safe".  I cannot work in a bar - same issue and I know nothing about drinks.  In order to work in a clothing store in the mall I would need to know something of fashion.  This is a tall order considering my friends all know I am a walking fashion faux pas.  Most days I have to contact a friend via email in the morning to check and see if my chosen outfit goes together. 

So, now that I have been made aware of the problem, I am going to have to make a plan that does not involve any other skills - since I have none - to try to save the funds required to have the work done.  Maybe this new place will have other ideas and a better price list for me.

All in all an interesting experience.  I may have to do three or four spearate consults before I get the results I can live with.  In anycase, I will be ready by my birthday one way or another.

Stay tuned

Thursday, March 3, 2011

New Adventure ahead

Well, RRSP season is over for another year and on the upside, I survived - barely.  As you already know, this year it took its toll on me - see misplaced car and the hair debacle.  That's not all that happened to me.

Sometime during the last couple of weeks, someone snuck into my room at night and slowly began letting the air out of my face and replaced it with extra folds, a beard and side burns.  I fully noticed what happened when I got out of the shower on Tuesday night.  I was towel drying my head when my right hand brushed down the side of my face.  What the hell??????  I had to pull out an extra desk lamp and magnified mirror and lo and behold, I was looking at someone else.  Sure, she had my nose and eyes, but it was my grandfather's face with my father's beard.  I was suddenly looking at my brother - only I have hair.

I quickly grabbed the tweezers and began the arduous task of cleaning up my face.  What seemed like hours later, I had to admit I had done the best I could under the circumstances.  I looked at the results and while pleased I no longer looked like the wolfman, I was displeased that I looked every inch my age plus some.

So....based on the fact that I am approaching a milestone this year, I have decided to embark on a new adventure.  By the time the actual day roles around this year, I plan on meeting it as a new me.  I would say improved me, but I feel I have already improved enough with age.  I have about 8 months to go through the process. 

Tomorrow I have a 9:00am appointment for consultation with a plastic surgeon.  Now, before anyone gets their knickers in a twist, I have no intention of going under the knife.  My plan is to have my face filled with silly putty.  I am going to ignore the laugh lines around my eyes for now since I laugh all the time and they will just come back.  Besides, they are well worn badges of honor.  No matter what crap has been thrown my way I have met it with a smile and a laugh.  They have been earned.  The silly putty is to fill in the space around my nose and mouth where someone sucked the air out of my face.  I understand it is quite wonderful stuff.  Next will come the jowls.  Whoever painted jowls on me is gonna pay for this.  I now fully understand the wonderfulness that comes with wearing a burka. 

After my consultation tomorrow, I will make some decisions on what to start with.  I have taken Monday and Tuesday off so that if I have something done I will be at home in case my face explodes (or worse - implodes).   After everything settles, I will have new pictures taken and start my adventures in dating over again.

However, all of this will be moot if I win the 50 million on Friday.  If I get a piece of that pie, I will have all the face work done at once, buy me a boy toy and head for the south of France.  I will send ya'll a postcard.

Stay tuned.  The new adventure is about to begin.  Cool