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Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Awoke to the sound of laughter

I think that my limited number of Yoga classes has already had an effect on me.  I can report that on the nights I go to class, I sleep like a bear in hibernation.  I have also begun to notice other side effects - I feel better and my head is clearer - except when I sleep.  When I am asleep on those nights after class, my brain is alive with activity. 

Last night I was actually awaken by the sound of loud, rambunctious laughter.  It was me.  And I actually remember the dream that made me laugh out loud.

My youngest brother used to have a pair of red velvet suspender shorts that mother used to dress him in.  He looked like a doll (contrary to what I am sure my older brother is about to say - he was not 25 years old when he wore them).  We also used to have a doorway between the family room, dining room and living room and we used to hang his jolly jumper in that doorway so that he could bounce away for hours on end.  My big brother and I used to take his legs and pull him as far as the jumper would go and then release him to watch him bounce between rooms (swear on a stack - he loved it).

Well, in my dream, we were all lined up wearing the same red velvet suspender shorts only this time instead of being 18months old, we were all the age we are now.  We were waiting for Dad to finish hanging the jolly jumper up.  For some reason the back part of the house where the family room used to be was cut off and wide open to the great outdoors.  Dave was first.  We pulled his legs back as far as we could and shot him from the living room, through the dining room and straight out the back of the family room over the trees where he landed on the trampoline in the neighbors yard.  His red velvet shorts shining in the bright sunlight.  I was laughing so hard.  That's what woke me up.  Yoga has freed my mind to go places in my sleep that would get me locked up in the rubber room had I thought that aloud in my waking hours.  I might have to hide from my brother for a few days however since I have now made that public.  Ah well.  It was worth it.

On another note, I got new glasses recently.  Not sure I like them.  They seem a bit off but I am not sure what it is that is making them seem 'off'.  They are certainly a lot lighter than my old pair and so don't hurt my nose by mid-day.

Wearing my fancy new specs, I went for a bike ride (old fashioned peddle, not electric this time) to Granville Island market to treat myself to some fresh scallops and crab for my thanksgiving dinner.  It was a beautiful day on the water as I peddled around the sea wall in my pink and white helmut.  I parked my bike just outside the market and started to make my way indoors as I was undoing the strap on my helmut.  I heard a lot of noise but was still trying to get my ponytail out of the helmut and straighten my glasses which got caught in the strap when "whap".  What the heck was that?  Turns out the noise I heard was a crowd of people telling me to move and a lot of laughter.  It seems I walked into the middle of some sort of "fish toss" and I got smacked in the cheek with the fin of a malcontent salmon. 

I felt like an idiot.  How did I not see that coming?  I now know what seems "off" with my new glasses.  They don't work.  With my old specs I am pretty sure I would have seen a salmon flying through the air in my direction.   To my family and friends with whom I share the roadways, you might want to detour when you see me coming until I get used to these things.

My favorite wee man is having his 10th birthday party this weekend.  His wishlist?  He wants a Nerfgun and cash.  Seems he and his friends go to the park and have nerf fights.  Not being familiar with nerfguns, I went on line to look them up.  Holy crap on a cracker - 50 bucks for something that looks like it was designed by Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek fame) or a Scientologist (Tom Cruise fame).  Oh well, he is worth it.  I will head to Toys R Us after work and scope them out. 

Since my weekend plans changed and I happen to now be free on Sunday, I agreed to a lunch date with the friend of a friends husband.  Not sure what made me say yes.  Might be low blood sugar.  Might blame it on the Yoga.  Dating is hard work - you have to take a shower, shave your legs, wax your chin, pull on your big girl pants, find your mascara and then go make small talk while you try to figure out if a) he is a drug dealer, b) an alcoholic gun collector, c) stalker, d) derranged spy or just plain odd.  How much fun am I going to have on Sunday????  Perhaps with my new specs, I won't even see him and run him over with my car or bike.

Well, will keep you posted. 

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Yoga Farts....and more

A couple of weeks ago, the owners of our rental townhouse came by to check the place out since we moved in.  They were so pleased to have a couple of responsible adults (?) move in that they asked what they could do to make us happy to stay for a long time.  I wanted new wood floors, a stove and a plumber for the main bathroom.  My brother asked for a gazebo and hot tub on the roof.  The plumber came on Monday.

I have had a brand new toilet installed by what appeared to be a 15 year old boy.  He took the time to explain to me the difference between the oval seat we used to have and the round one on the newly installed masterpiece.  He tried to tell me it had to do with the amount of water used but I secretly knew that it actually had everything to do with the size of my butt.  A rounded seat should hold more while the oval seat left some of my left cheek actually hangin in the bathtub.  In anycase, I no longer have to use the plunger 5 times a week and it truly is a masterpiece and the centrepiece of my bathroom.  This is one of the best benefits of being a renter - broken toilet, call someone and care not a fig about the cost.

So, last night I attended my very first YOGA class.  Does everyone else know that YOGA can cause intestinal distress that will manifest itself in the form of farts?   This was very startling news to me.  My cousin Tracy warned me and told me to be prepared to squeeze my butt cheeks into my floor mat at the first sign I was about to let loose.  When I expressed my concern, my older brother offered the advice that when I began to let the tooting begin, to turn to the person on the mat next to me and announce rather loudly to QUIT PULLING MY FINGER".  However, after attending the class, I recognized that would never work.  These were a group very serious hippies.

I am kinda proud of myself.  I wasn't exactly sure what to expect.  I only toppled over once.  My biggest problem is actually today.  I hurt.  And of all places to hurt, it is my left butt cheek (the same one that used to hang over my toilet seat).  Not sure what I did exactly but it turns out there are some muscles hidden beneath my old lady fat.  Who knew? 

I have to admit that I slept like a drug induced baby last night (we all know real babies don't sleep like babies unless they are drugged).  I think I will sign up for a 10 class pass and see if I ever graduate from the beginners stage.

I have checked into my Salsa classes.  Turns out I missed this session so have to wait until November.  Might be a good idea.  Otherwise, it would have been - Yoga Monday, Tuesday Salsa, Wednesday Emergency.

On another note, I don't know why I was complaining about my difficulties in meeting men.  I had plenty of opportunity to introduce myself to a whole group of them gathered right outside my door this morning.

Just as I was opening my front door to head to work, I heard lots of shouting, plenty of swearing, sounds of a scuffle and warnings to drop the knife.  I love street theatre.  The guy with the knife was kinda cute.  Too bad he ran away when he saw me.  I am trying not to take it personally.  I happen to look pretty cute today.

Well, Thanksgiving is coming up and I have been requested to cook a ham.  Not sure who for or who requested it yet but we shall see.  I am looking forward to the long weekend.

Stay tuned. I am sure more crap will be happening soon