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Monday, April 15, 2013

Reason 1256 why I should not date

Only 3 more sleeps to go!

I was really looking forward to this past weekend.  I was going to get some last minute vacation prep work done, weed whack my legs and chin, get a hair cut, convert cash to US dollars, clean the bathroom,wash the floors and bake a cake.  This is what I actually did - made spaghetti sauce, took my brother shopping for dress pants, took the pants to the tailors, bought a lottery ticket, baked and decorated the birthday cake.......and went on a date.

He started out as a nice 56 year old man who owns and operates a successful company in the town where I grew up.  He is the friend of a friend of a friend (I need better friends) who thought that while he was in town for a convention that we might hit it off.  We did...for the first 30 minutes.  During those 30 minutes he downed 2 scotches and a bottle of Budwieser.

Those first 30 minutes were nice.  Admittedly, he was very good for my ego.  He thought I was attractive, charming, witty and he loved my hair and the fact that it was real (that had me confused for a while but I figured maybe he dated a lot of women who wear wigs).  It went downhill pretty quickly after that.

Me:  Do you like to travel?
Him:  Nope.  Too dangerous out there.  Just give me a fishing rod or a golf club and I am good to go.  Oh and don't forget the beer.  Only the good stuff though - none of that sissy juice.
Me:  What is sissy juice?
Him:  Anything light
Me:  So you don't travel anywhere?  Have you EVER been anywhere that you thought was interesting?
Him:  I know where I'd like to go with you right now.
Me:  You're a bit of a pig aren't you?  Perhaps we should have dinner now and you can tell me where you like to fish.
Him:  I like fishing for babes like you.
Me:  Your parents must be very proud of you
Him:  Why wouldn't they be?  Look at how successful I am?
Me:  Happy for you
Him:  Come on Holly.  Wouldn't you love to see my big salmon?
Me:  Your meds must be wearing off because now you appear delusional.
Him:  I know I am an idiot but women find me cute and attractive.
Me:  Don't make me stab you with my fork.  If you do not quit trying to run your foot up my pant leg, I will forgo my vacation for jail and stab you with it.  I am not shaving my legs for you.
Him:  I like fiesty.
Me:  My cab just arrived - see ya.

So, the first 30 minutes were just fine, which according to the woman who introduced us says is how she has known him.  She never knew he turned into a pig when drinking.  He even made the former alcoholic gun collector look good.

After that fun filled evening, I went home and baked the cake for Lexi's birthday party.  I have attached a picture.  She asked for a flower but I gave her more of a tree.  The tree lost a lot of it's petals on the ground below. I am getting worse and may have to re-do my decorating classes.  Also, my hand has started to shake quite a bit and it looks like I was drunk myself when I made the thing.  The cake is now safely in the freezer of her parents awaiting the birthday party.  She was upset that I would not be attending but when I said I would bring home treats from Hawaii, she was appeased.  Her brother and sister however wanted to know what kind of treats.  When I mentioned that maybe I would bring home chocolate covered macadamia nuts I got the following conversation:

Kids:  What are those?
Me:  Best nuts on the planet
Kids:  How many will we get - 23?
Me:  How about we start with 23 and then each day your parents tell me you didn't behave, I will take one away?
Rae:  That doesn't seem fair.  We can't be good every single day you are gone.  You are going to be gone a long time.

Love her outlook and honesty

The upside to the whole weekend was when I went online to see some excursions that I could do with my brother and I noticed that the price of our cruise went down by quite a bit.  I called Holland America and asked for either a) a refund, b) onboard credits or c) an upgrade.  We got the upgrade.  I will let you know what the cabin looks like when we board. 

Now, with only 3 more sleeps to go, I still have to find time to convert the cash, get a haircut, buy a bathing suit, weed whack the legs and get a tan.  Might be tight on the timing.

I will post again from the ship.  

Cheers and stay tuned

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Opening day at Safeco Field and Fleetwood Mac

Only 9 more sleeps till my vacation!  The excitement is building.  There is still no bathing suit in sight nor have I had time for a haircut.  However, I do have an excuse.

So, you know how I have been trying to get divorced for a number of years now?  Well, I guess there was a reason why there were always delays.  Out of the blue on Friday I received a phone call from him with the offer to take me to opening night of the Seattle Mariner's baseball game in downtown Seattle on Monday.  He would pick me up early from work (thanks to my afternoon "meeting") and we would head to the border.  He promised me dinner, great seats and a fun time.  Since I was taught to always accept gifts with graciousnes, I humbly thanked him and accepted his offer.  I never let on how really excited I was.

I love going to live games and baseball is at the top of my list.  I used to take my oldest daughter down to watch quite often and we would sit in the stands cheering and enjoying the hot dogs thrown at us by the talented vendors.

I must explain where Fleetwood Mac comes in.  Many moons ago, He and I were once again off on a "reconcilliation vacation".  My parents were babysitting my children who were young teenagers at the time (who in their right mind would have left them home alone at that age?) and he and I headed south for a stop in Reno and Las Vegas.  It was supposed to be 2 weeks of talking and trying to work things out.

Shortly before crossing the border we had already stopped talking.  Shortly after crossing we stopped at a gas station.  I wandered inside to buy some water and happened to see a cassette tape of my favorite album of all time - Fleetwood Mac - Rumours.  I bought it and promptly inserted it as we drove away.

A curious thing happened.  Round about track #3, I fell asleep.  I slept for about 90 minutes.  When I awoke, something different was playing.  He and I started talking.  It was quite pleasant for about 2 hours and then we both fell into old habits.  He popped the cassette of Fleetwood Mac back into the player to hopefully shut me up.  I fell asleep again.

We stopped at a motel that night and got up early to hit the road again.  Again, after a restful night, we had a very pleasant couple of hours.  Old habits die hard with us.  As the arguing intensified, he again popped in the cassette of good old Fleetwood and once again I promptly fell asleep.  Hmm, he started to see a pattern developing.

And so it went - for 2 weeks - every time we began to argue, the tape came out.  It was like a magic sleeping pill.  Usually, I did not mind.  It was exhausting always being right and arguing with someone so used to being wrong.  Sometimes, it is just hard to be me and I needed the rest.

So, fast forward a decade or two and as we crossed the border last night I heard the familiar strains of heavy drum beats and realized he had popped a CD (we have since upgraded) into the player. 

Me:  We haven't argued in years.  Why are you playing this now?
Him:  I figured you are in such a good mood that maybe you would be able to stay awake and would like to hear the whole album this time.
Me:  When did you start eating smart pills?
Him:  Right after you moved out.  I could finally afford them.
Me:  Did you want to argue for old times sake?
Him:  Not really.  Just trying to see if you were paying attention. 

He was right.  Times have changed and I was in a very good mood.  I stayed awake and heard the whole album 3 times between the time we left and the time I got home - just before 1am this morning.

We had a great time at the game and on the trip itself.  Funny, when you let all the crap and baggage finally go, all that remains is the good times you had and that in reality, the good did outweigh everything else.  Unfortunately, it wasn't enough for us.  However, it is enough that we can actually enjoy one another's company and each of us walk away without the aid of a walker, ambulance or police escort.  Good times!

Our seats had us located next to this man who hasn't missed opening day in 10 years in Seattle.  He hadn't missed opening day in Los Angeles in the preceeding 20 years.  However, upon further discussion, turns out he only went because of his wife.  He would rather be fishing.  This sounded vaguely familiar to me.  I moved over a seat so that my ex could sit next to this man.  Twenty minutes later after my return from the ladies room, I could see it had officially turned into a Bro-mance.  Oy Vey!  Could I imagine the chances of us sitting down next to a guy who worked in the same industry and loved fishing and dogs as much as he did?  Add to that that he has a wife who is more interested in sports than he is and POW - bromance it is.  I think he found his soul mate.  When we left the game early - 1/2 inning to go, he was dissappointed that he did not get his new friend's phone number.  Ah well, we are returning to watch 3 more games.  I will have to keep my eyes peeled for him.

So, now with only 9 more sleeps till my ship departs, I guess I should really buckle down and get a haircut and a bathing suit.  Not to mention, I have to bake another birthday cake this weekend.  I wonder which I will forgo doing in favor of the cake.

Stay tuned for more.  I am sure when I update from the ship you will want to stay tuned.