Anyone who thinks travelling for work is fun and sexy.....is insane.
So, I am back after another quick road trip and I have the scars to show for my efforts. Let's begin with a very bumpy plane ride - enough to make someone who doesn't suffer from motion sickness to feel ill. The car I had reserved turned out to be little more than a coffin on wheels. I always get a mid-size vehicle as I want a little more sense of safety when I am driving an unfamiliar vehicle on highways. I felt shivers down my spine as a large truck flew past me causing me to fight to keep my vehicle on the road.
Well, I made it to my first meeting in one piece - no real thanks to the coffin car. All went well, but it ran a little over so in a hurry to get to the next appointment, I only had time to run through an A & W drive-thru, grab a burger and keep going. I was trying really hard to be careful - having even tucked a napkin under my chin to keep my blouse clean when another large truck flew past (my wee coffin car had about as much gusto as a 2 year old trying to roller skate uphill) and I had to again grab the wheel to fight to stay on the road. Needless to say, I now had ketchup and a pickle stuck to the front of my shirt. I find it always so reassuring to attend meetings with stained clothing. Nothing says respect more than a pickle in the lapel.
I made it through the meeting with a smidge of dignity left. I was not to know, any shred of dignity I might still have would soon be gone and I would hang my head in shame assuring myself I would never again return to this hotel.
Upon check-in, as I was reaching into my briefcase, which was balanced on top of my suitcase, my purse swung around and got knocked over and spilled all over the lobby floor. A group of kids chose that moment to burst through the front door and literally stomp on my toothpaste tube (I forgot to pack it in my suitcase so tossed it in my purse in the morning). It made quite a mess.
I felt I deserved a nice hot bath. After running across the street to the grocery store to pick up some fruit and a piece of chicken for dinner, I headed back to my room, ate dinner and ran a nice hot bath. I enjoyed the soothing warmth and felt myself relaxing. Afterwards, I slipped into my jammies to settle in for the evening. Just as I changed, I heard some noises - rather loud noises - outside. Since my balcony overlooked the parking lot, I thought I would pop outside and see what was going on while secretly hoping someone was stealing my car.
I slipped out to the balcony and since the evening was quite cool, slid the door closed behind me to keep my room warm. I couldn't really see what the problem was so turned to go back inside. Imagine my surprise to discover that the lever on the handle was loose enough to plop down when I slid the sliding door close....AND LOCK! I was trapped...in my nightie...on the balcony.
My mind started to race. My first thought was "crap, now I gotta pee". My second thought was " You must be FREAKIN kidding me!" When I calmed down, I tried the only thing I could do. I started to yell for help. Mind you, I was almost whispering at first as I wasn't at all sure I actually wanted anyone to find me like this. There I was, in my favorite nightie, which quite frankly I wear more for comfort than for looks and it looks like it and a pair of white tube socks to keep my feet warm. Very attractive. I am sure some of you are wondering how come I am still single.
Gradually, since I was freezing my butt off, my voice got louder and I noticed a couple walking across the parking lot. After they stopped laughing, they agreed to go to the front desk to get help. After about 3 minutes, I could hear repeated attempts to get into my room. However, since I am safety conscience when I travel, I had thrown the saftey catch on the door and they could not get in. Another few minutes passed - seemed like about 10 - and a man showed up with a ladder to climb up to my balcony - thankfully I was only on the 2nd floor. He had a drill or something and took one of the sliders off my door so I could get in. Graciously, he barely looked at me. Actually, I am not sure I wasn't insulted by him not even glancing at me. He kept his eyes down the whole time. Perhaps he was just trying to keep a straight face at the situation rather than being grossed out by my appearance. (Did I mention I was also wearing face cream?)
When I checked-out in the morning, I was sure that word had spread through the staff when the clerk asked me if I ever warmed up and if perhaps the next time I stayed with them, I would consider packing a housecoat or robe. Ha Ha
Have a coffee date on both Friday and Saturday. Friday is a new guy - Saturday is a repeat performance.
Keep you posted.
H
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
No dating update this weekend
I am in serious depression. I am thinking of becoming an alcholic to deaden the pain. How and when did this sort of thing start happening to me?
So let me start with telling you about my weekend. It started with picking up my Grandson Xavier on Friday afternoon to go shopping for a new bike for his birthday. We picked out a bright red 6 speed with matching helmut. He and I then went for a ride around the seawall to Granville Island. We had a great time and he seemed to really like it. He is now an 8 year old delight. I thought the time flew by with my own children but the grandkids seem to be on some sort of fast-forward.
After a Saturday afternoon spent on a soccer field watching Xavier's game, I headed to the grocery store to stock up on the necessisties of life. Some stupid broad (I use that term loosly as technically it was hard to tell), decided it might be fun to turn right from the left turn lane nearly taking out my front bumper while heading into the parkade. Said Broad then proceeded to wind down her window to yell at me for having the nerve to be in the right lane where apparently I wasn't just a second before her decision to turn. To top off her indignity, I am apparently a heartless creature with no concern for our planet since I choose to drive a gas guzzling pig of a polluter which is an affront to her personally. I seemed to have made her madder when I started to laugh and point at her Escalade.
Sunday started off nice. I spent the early part of the afternoon watching Rae, my 4 year old granddaughter play her final game of Tim Horton's Tim Bit's soccer. I always enjoy watching her play. She is a very serious player who goes all out and is funny as hell. She hasn't quite gotten the concept yet that someone will be trying to take the ball from her and she isn't at all sure she likes that part.
If you are wondering when the depression set in...keep reading. After the game, I rushed to my friend Monica's home for a promised wonderful lunch. My GOD that woman can cook! I ended up having to unbutton my jeans halfway through the meal. Monica had invited a friend of hers to join us for lunch. After a couple of glasses of wine and so much food, we were sitting in the living room enjoying good conversation when out of the blue....I was blindsided. I didn't see it coming at all. Not even sure how it happened. "So, he says" you're 58 right?" What the hell? 58? I look 58? Who said I was 58? First the snotty kid at 7-11 a couple of weeks ago offers to sell me a seniors bus pass and now this guy thinks I am 58 years old? He tried to qualify it by saying I looked good for 58. Well, DUH, I look good for 58. I wanted to say the reason I look good for 58 is because in reality I am 88 you nimrod!
I have decided I am no longer saving for a cruise - it is a full-out face lift, boob job, tummy tuck and butt lift.
Perhaps I need to look at my job. Obviously, since working for this firm it has aged me dramatically. I'll bet that if I worked for Disneyland or even McDonald's I wouldn't have aged this fast. At Disneyland I could wear a costume and at McDonalds the grease from the fryer would make my skin at least look shiny.
I have a very busy week coming up. Hopefully it will keep my mind off the fact that I am depressed and in need of putting my name on a wait list for 'the home'.
On the upside, I do have two dates coming up this week with two different men. I guess I am going find out what a trampy 58 year old looks like.
Will keep you posted.
So let me start with telling you about my weekend. It started with picking up my Grandson Xavier on Friday afternoon to go shopping for a new bike for his birthday. We picked out a bright red 6 speed with matching helmut. He and I then went for a ride around the seawall to Granville Island. We had a great time and he seemed to really like it. He is now an 8 year old delight. I thought the time flew by with my own children but the grandkids seem to be on some sort of fast-forward.
After a Saturday afternoon spent on a soccer field watching Xavier's game, I headed to the grocery store to stock up on the necessisties of life. Some stupid broad (I use that term loosly as technically it was hard to tell), decided it might be fun to turn right from the left turn lane nearly taking out my front bumper while heading into the parkade. Said Broad then proceeded to wind down her window to yell at me for having the nerve to be in the right lane where apparently I wasn't just a second before her decision to turn. To top off her indignity, I am apparently a heartless creature with no concern for our planet since I choose to drive a gas guzzling pig of a polluter which is an affront to her personally. I seemed to have made her madder when I started to laugh and point at her Escalade.
Sunday started off nice. I spent the early part of the afternoon watching Rae, my 4 year old granddaughter play her final game of Tim Horton's Tim Bit's soccer. I always enjoy watching her play. She is a very serious player who goes all out and is funny as hell. She hasn't quite gotten the concept yet that someone will be trying to take the ball from her and she isn't at all sure she likes that part.
If you are wondering when the depression set in...keep reading. After the game, I rushed to my friend Monica's home for a promised wonderful lunch. My GOD that woman can cook! I ended up having to unbutton my jeans halfway through the meal. Monica had invited a friend of hers to join us for lunch. After a couple of glasses of wine and so much food, we were sitting in the living room enjoying good conversation when out of the blue....I was blindsided. I didn't see it coming at all. Not even sure how it happened. "So, he says" you're 58 right?" What the hell? 58? I look 58? Who said I was 58? First the snotty kid at 7-11 a couple of weeks ago offers to sell me a seniors bus pass and now this guy thinks I am 58 years old? He tried to qualify it by saying I looked good for 58. Well, DUH, I look good for 58. I wanted to say the reason I look good for 58 is because in reality I am 88 you nimrod!
I have decided I am no longer saving for a cruise - it is a full-out face lift, boob job, tummy tuck and butt lift.
Perhaps I need to look at my job. Obviously, since working for this firm it has aged me dramatically. I'll bet that if I worked for Disneyland or even McDonald's I wouldn't have aged this fast. At Disneyland I could wear a costume and at McDonalds the grease from the fryer would make my skin at least look shiny.
I have a very busy week coming up. Hopefully it will keep my mind off the fact that I am depressed and in need of putting my name on a wait list for 'the home'.
On the upside, I do have two dates coming up this week with two different men. I guess I am going find out what a trampy 58 year old looks like.
Will keep you posted.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Where to start
Well, it has been a bit of a wild few days since my last post. Everything from introducing a guest speaker as having 15 years of Sperm (instead of the more acceptable 15 years with the same firm) to running headlong into a totem pole to having yet another dating experience.
I must tell you, I was invited to a really lovely event at the Museum of Anthropology at UBC and I was having a really good time. However, I was somewhat taken aback by the sight of a woman in a rather unique dress take a turn on the dance floor where I was offered a rather startling view of her right boob. In my startled state, I stumbled a bit backwards, turned and slammed right into a totem pole in the middle of the room. Not sure how that really happened since there was plenty of open space for me to move in and yet, I ran headlong into the nearest 20 foot totem pole. As I fell back a couple of steps rubbing my forehead, the security guard came running up. Mistakenly, I thought he was going to offer some first aid, instead he told me not to touch the display. If I felt the need to touch something, I could wander over to the canoe on the other side of the room and touch it to my hearts content. I blame the whole thing on my shoes. I had been on my feet since 7:30 in the morning - in heels. Those who know me know I do not function well in heels. I have flat feet, have broken every single toe I own and well, let's face it, I am a tad clumsy.
The day started with me hosting our annual compliance seminar. As you know, hosting and MCing an event means introducing the guest speakers. All was going well until my 1:00pm speaker and as stated at the top, my reading of his bio was going well until...... the sperm incident. This too is blamed on my heels.
I had only one day to recover from this day of comedy errors before my next date.
I have to admit that I was surprised that I even agreed to go on this thing. He is not someone I would normally be attracted to at all. However, he won me over when he knew the difference between Hemmingway and Steinbeck. He had me agreeing to meet for coffee at noon today downtown. I was expecting to be home by 1pm to do laundry and clean up the giant red wine spill in my living room (a whole other incident involving shopping, alcohol and food). Imagine my surprise when I didn't head for home until after 5pm. This is about 4 hours longer than I normally allow for these kinds of dates.
He didn't try to poison me, hug me, offer to buy me drugs, try to loose me in Costco or ask me to "put out", It was a nice change. We spent the day wandering around the city just talking and then went for a drink and calamari and talked some more. I was just thrilled to have someone who could not only conjugate a verb but also had some interesting things to say and some strong opinions. Then, just when I thought I might actually like to have him as a friend.......he might have actually blown it (not sure yet though). Turns out, during a rather lively political discussion (I know - not normally a good date topic) it turns out he is a staunch Conservative - CAPITAL C. He hates Rick Mercer (how can you hate Rick Mercer?), Obama, unions (ok - I can give him that one) the United Nations, big business and the CBC - oh boy does he ever hate the CBC.
Up until that particular discussion, he had won major points a couple of times along the walk. He automatically moved to the outside of the sidewalk for me to walk in the inside. My father taught me this is the correct thing for a gentleman to always do (and for goodness sakes Holly, quit fighting and just let a guy do it - along with hold the door and your chair). I have now come to not only accept it but expect it. I have been known to look like a bit of a fool standing in front of a closed door for 5 minutes waiting for my date to open it while he is looking at me like I have missed my afternoon medication.
Anyway, all in all, I did enjoy the afternoon. Not sure I can actually get over the conservative bit though. I may be a bit more of a free range radical myself. Can a capital C conservative and a materialistic, capitalistic, free thinking, radical go on a second date? Frankly I have no idea - I have never had a second date.
I am going to have to spend some more time thinking about this one. I will keep you posted.
By the way.... did I mention he is short? I don't generally like short men. He is only 5'7". Ok, so I am only 5'3" but I prefer a man who is big enough to step in front and stop a bullet for me or at the very least, reach the turkey roaster on the top cupboard.
Stay tuned
I must tell you, I was invited to a really lovely event at the Museum of Anthropology at UBC and I was having a really good time. However, I was somewhat taken aback by the sight of a woman in a rather unique dress take a turn on the dance floor where I was offered a rather startling view of her right boob. In my startled state, I stumbled a bit backwards, turned and slammed right into a totem pole in the middle of the room. Not sure how that really happened since there was plenty of open space for me to move in and yet, I ran headlong into the nearest 20 foot totem pole. As I fell back a couple of steps rubbing my forehead, the security guard came running up. Mistakenly, I thought he was going to offer some first aid, instead he told me not to touch the display. If I felt the need to touch something, I could wander over to the canoe on the other side of the room and touch it to my hearts content. I blame the whole thing on my shoes. I had been on my feet since 7:30 in the morning - in heels. Those who know me know I do not function well in heels. I have flat feet, have broken every single toe I own and well, let's face it, I am a tad clumsy.
The day started with me hosting our annual compliance seminar. As you know, hosting and MCing an event means introducing the guest speakers. All was going well until my 1:00pm speaker and as stated at the top, my reading of his bio was going well until...... the sperm incident. This too is blamed on my heels.
I had only one day to recover from this day of comedy errors before my next date.
I have to admit that I was surprised that I even agreed to go on this thing. He is not someone I would normally be attracted to at all. However, he won me over when he knew the difference between Hemmingway and Steinbeck. He had me agreeing to meet for coffee at noon today downtown. I was expecting to be home by 1pm to do laundry and clean up the giant red wine spill in my living room (a whole other incident involving shopping, alcohol and food). Imagine my surprise when I didn't head for home until after 5pm. This is about 4 hours longer than I normally allow for these kinds of dates.
He didn't try to poison me, hug me, offer to buy me drugs, try to loose me in Costco or ask me to "put out", It was a nice change. We spent the day wandering around the city just talking and then went for a drink and calamari and talked some more. I was just thrilled to have someone who could not only conjugate a verb but also had some interesting things to say and some strong opinions. Then, just when I thought I might actually like to have him as a friend.......he might have actually blown it (not sure yet though). Turns out, during a rather lively political discussion (I know - not normally a good date topic) it turns out he is a staunch Conservative - CAPITAL C. He hates Rick Mercer (how can you hate Rick Mercer?), Obama, unions (ok - I can give him that one) the United Nations, big business and the CBC - oh boy does he ever hate the CBC.
Up until that particular discussion, he had won major points a couple of times along the walk. He automatically moved to the outside of the sidewalk for me to walk in the inside. My father taught me this is the correct thing for a gentleman to always do (and for goodness sakes Holly, quit fighting and just let a guy do it - along with hold the door and your chair). I have now come to not only accept it but expect it. I have been known to look like a bit of a fool standing in front of a closed door for 5 minutes waiting for my date to open it while he is looking at me like I have missed my afternoon medication.
Anyway, all in all, I did enjoy the afternoon. Not sure I can actually get over the conservative bit though. I may be a bit more of a free range radical myself. Can a capital C conservative and a materialistic, capitalistic, free thinking, radical go on a second date? Frankly I have no idea - I have never had a second date.
I am going to have to spend some more time thinking about this one. I will keep you posted.
By the way.... did I mention he is short? I don't generally like short men. He is only 5'7". Ok, so I am only 5'3" but I prefer a man who is big enough to step in front and stop a bullet for me or at the very least, reach the turkey roaster on the top cupboard.
Stay tuned
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Bit of a snob
Ok, so it seems I am a bit of a snob. Not a monetary snob but rather more of an intellectual snob. I don't consider myself a mental giant by any means but really, how does one become a 52 year old man and not know what a mutual fund is or where Disneyland is located?
So, date number 4 of Nannagramma's dating adventures started off ok enough. We met at the Vancouver Flea Market. It was a tad uncomfortable at first. He has a similar appearance to my first husband and my family all knows how well that worked out. However, due to recent remarks made to me by so called friends and family regarding my perhaps 'judgemental' ways with past dates, I decided to give it a real chance.
We wandered the market place with me seeing nothing more than junk and he thinking he was in utpoia. I started seeing problems. But, I put aside my judgement and agreed to go with him to Costco and then get a bite of dinner.
Never mind the fact that he left me in Costco and I had to go back out and wait by his car in order to find him again, I really noticed problems during dinner.
"Go ahead Holly and order a real meal. I am paying for this so whatever you want is fine. Don't feel obliged to 'put out' for me buying you dinner. In fact, I will even spring for a dessert which will be the world's best massage." This had me looking for an escape route. However, since I wasn't going to have to 'put out' (who says that anyway?) I ordered a big dinner.
During our dinner conversation, I discovered that there is no point to travelling outside of Canada when the great food of the world is right here already. Isn't that the only reason to travel anyway? (are you kidding me?) I discovered that most of us have either gold or oil in our backyard (??). I discovered that being a carnival worker gets you free ride passes (this is when his not working in a mine) and that's 'really really really' fun. I discovered that there is no point in saving for retirement when the government conspiracy will just take your cash anyway.
Oh boy. The shallow gene pool is now an aspiration. I appear to have been shopping in the mental midget pool.
I feel like those who questioned my judgement levels should back off now. I spent 3 hours (longest yet) - more out of curiosity I think - I wanted to hear what he was going to say next - before heading home thankful I wasn't going to have to 'put out' for a couple of fajitas. I feel I was more than fair in giving him a chance. Of course, those are three hours I will never get back.
Ok, I am putting the word out now - if I have any friends or family who have even the slightest bit of caring for me, please keep your eyes open for the following:
1 male between 49-55 years of age (unless you find that 80 year old millionaire orphan with a heart condition)
must be employed
at least 5'10"
must be able to read without moving his lips - bonus request - it would be nice if he reads more than pop-up books
Spelling is also a must - spelling well is a want
likes to travel
owns at least one tie
doesn't ask me how to spell my name
sense of humour
No felons please
See? My list really isn't very long or complicated. I think these are the kinds of things most woman want.
I am not giving up. Somewhere out there must be at least one man with these qualities who will not feel ill when he looks at me and wants to at least go to a movie.
I will continue to keep you posted.
Cheers
So, date number 4 of Nannagramma's dating adventures started off ok enough. We met at the Vancouver Flea Market. It was a tad uncomfortable at first. He has a similar appearance to my first husband and my family all knows how well that worked out. However, due to recent remarks made to me by so called friends and family regarding my perhaps 'judgemental' ways with past dates, I decided to give it a real chance.
We wandered the market place with me seeing nothing more than junk and he thinking he was in utpoia. I started seeing problems. But, I put aside my judgement and agreed to go with him to Costco and then get a bite of dinner.
Never mind the fact that he left me in Costco and I had to go back out and wait by his car in order to find him again, I really noticed problems during dinner.
"Go ahead Holly and order a real meal. I am paying for this so whatever you want is fine. Don't feel obliged to 'put out' for me buying you dinner. In fact, I will even spring for a dessert which will be the world's best massage." This had me looking for an escape route. However, since I wasn't going to have to 'put out' (who says that anyway?) I ordered a big dinner.
During our dinner conversation, I discovered that there is no point to travelling outside of Canada when the great food of the world is right here already. Isn't that the only reason to travel anyway? (are you kidding me?) I discovered that most of us have either gold or oil in our backyard (??). I discovered that being a carnival worker gets you free ride passes (this is when his not working in a mine) and that's 'really really really' fun. I discovered that there is no point in saving for retirement when the government conspiracy will just take your cash anyway.
Oh boy. The shallow gene pool is now an aspiration. I appear to have been shopping in the mental midget pool.
I feel like those who questioned my judgement levels should back off now. I spent 3 hours (longest yet) - more out of curiosity I think - I wanted to hear what he was going to say next - before heading home thankful I wasn't going to have to 'put out' for a couple of fajitas. I feel I was more than fair in giving him a chance. Of course, those are three hours I will never get back.
Ok, I am putting the word out now - if I have any friends or family who have even the slightest bit of caring for me, please keep your eyes open for the following:
1 male between 49-55 years of age (unless you find that 80 year old millionaire orphan with a heart condition)
must be employed
at least 5'10"
must be able to read without moving his lips - bonus request - it would be nice if he reads more than pop-up books
Spelling is also a must - spelling well is a want
likes to travel
owns at least one tie
doesn't ask me how to spell my name
sense of humour
No felons please
See? My list really isn't very long or complicated. I think these are the kinds of things most woman want.
I am not giving up. Somewhere out there must be at least one man with these qualities who will not feel ill when he looks at me and wants to at least go to a movie.
I will continue to keep you posted.
Cheers
Friday, October 1, 2010
Been away for a bit
It has been a busy couple of weeks since I last checked in. I have been in a severe depression lately. When I last went to purchase my book of one zone bus passes, the kid at 7-11 thought he would pass along the following information: " Were you aware that you can be eligible for a reduced fare? If you are of a 'certain' age, you get bus passes at a reduced rate. Instead of $21 for the book, you can get it for $18." I asked the obviously mentally challenged employee " how old do you think I am?" He said he just assumed that since one of the kids called me gramma, I must be old enough for the discount.
I then spent the next two weeks seriously trying to raise a defense for for the obvious manslaughter charge I was going to face. I went to my family doctor to start building the depression defence. Unfortunately, all he advised was a manicure and a haircut. He is a funny guy. Might be next on my list.
I finally came out of my depression when someone mistook me for my grandkids mother rather than grandmother.
After my depression ended I put my energies back into the dating world. I feel like I am shopping in the shallow gene pool. Thank goodness there is always a return policy. Some of the contacts I have had make me feel like I am on Candid Camera or something. Surely this is just one collosal joke. I have had propsitions from 19 year olds who want a Mrs. Robinson who assure me that 'age is just a number and it doesn't mean anything', Well of course not to him. To me, his age reminds me to buy new underwear. I am sure some of mine are about the same age. I have also been contacted by what I can only assume is an espaped convict. My personal favorite however is the fella who said he wanted to go for coffee and discuss the current political atmosphere. He wants to discuss my joining a new political party - social communisim. ????? When I stated that while I loved a great debate on the politics of our time, I had no desire to join a political party. Well it seems this set the man off and he informed me that it was people like me that are driving our province into the ground and he sincerely hoped that I never came to him for help when the whole thing blows up in my face. Nice. Who let these people out?
Despite the above, I am still trying. I have discovered though that it is tough to match up with the lesser species (not you Dad). We really are from 2 different planets. Mine is earth. However, I am making another attempt. I am going for coffee on Sunday. This guy seems ok and so far, while he looks like an escaped convict, he sounds like a college proffessor.
To get ready for this meeting of the minds, I have a new haircut and manicure. I bought new glasses (so I can see what he really looks like) and of course, the 19 year old reminded me to buy new undies. I am set. We will meet in the middle of Granville Island. I will have my rape whistle ready just in case.
Granville street has been wild of late. Due to the really nice weather, everyone is out in full force. Today brought the duelling bands with the crazy lady and her tamborine in between. Gave me enough of a headache that I could no longer wait for my bus. I decided to take the train home instead. The train happened to hold an eclectic mix today. I had someone pull my ear piece from my ear (and still yell at me) and ask me if my briefcase was mine. What??? Really? I am holding it and he wants to know if it is mine? Instead I smiled sweetly and said no. I recieved a response that was totally unexpected. He just looked at me and said "I thought so". I find making friends on the train pretty easy.
I will keep you posted.
Cheers
I then spent the next two weeks seriously trying to raise a defense for for the obvious manslaughter charge I was going to face. I went to my family doctor to start building the depression defence. Unfortunately, all he advised was a manicure and a haircut. He is a funny guy. Might be next on my list.
I finally came out of my depression when someone mistook me for my grandkids mother rather than grandmother.
After my depression ended I put my energies back into the dating world. I feel like I am shopping in the shallow gene pool. Thank goodness there is always a return policy. Some of the contacts I have had make me feel like I am on Candid Camera or something. Surely this is just one collosal joke. I have had propsitions from 19 year olds who want a Mrs. Robinson who assure me that 'age is just a number and it doesn't mean anything', Well of course not to him. To me, his age reminds me to buy new underwear. I am sure some of mine are about the same age. I have also been contacted by what I can only assume is an espaped convict. My personal favorite however is the fella who said he wanted to go for coffee and discuss the current political atmosphere. He wants to discuss my joining a new political party - social communisim. ????? When I stated that while I loved a great debate on the politics of our time, I had no desire to join a political party. Well it seems this set the man off and he informed me that it was people like me that are driving our province into the ground and he sincerely hoped that I never came to him for help when the whole thing blows up in my face. Nice. Who let these people out?
Despite the above, I am still trying. I have discovered though that it is tough to match up with the lesser species (not you Dad). We really are from 2 different planets. Mine is earth. However, I am making another attempt. I am going for coffee on Sunday. This guy seems ok and so far, while he looks like an escaped convict, he sounds like a college proffessor.
To get ready for this meeting of the minds, I have a new haircut and manicure. I bought new glasses (so I can see what he really looks like) and of course, the 19 year old reminded me to buy new undies. I am set. We will meet in the middle of Granville Island. I will have my rape whistle ready just in case.
Granville street has been wild of late. Due to the really nice weather, everyone is out in full force. Today brought the duelling bands with the crazy lady and her tamborine in between. Gave me enough of a headache that I could no longer wait for my bus. I decided to take the train home instead. The train happened to hold an eclectic mix today. I had someone pull my ear piece from my ear (and still yell at me) and ask me if my briefcase was mine. What??? Really? I am holding it and he wants to know if it is mine? Instead I smiled sweetly and said no. I recieved a response that was totally unexpected. He just looked at me and said "I thought so". I find making friends on the train pretty easy.
I will keep you posted.
Cheers
Friday, September 10, 2010
Duelling Skinny White Boy Rappers
What a week! Granville street has gone back to traffic travelling on the 2-3 blocks between Robson and Dunsmuir after about 5 years of closure. Now my bus gets off right outside my door. While it is nice for me, I miss the wandering foot traffic and weekday shows that used to pop up each day.
However, I was treated to a couple of interesting things this week on Granville. The first was the duelling skinny white boy rappers. One was set up just in front of The Bay and the other was about 100 feet away by the entrance to the Canada Line. Frankly, I was embarrassed on thier behalf. It was plain embarrassing to see/hear and watch. Tough to pull off black rap when you have a scruffy beard and are wearing cordoroys. Not to mention, they were both just plain bad.
Later on in the week we were regaled by two separate Bon Jovi enthusiasts. Can't get whiter than that. They were not that bad. However, it lost a little something with the streetcars and buses rolling up and down the street momentarily drowning them out. There was a bit of excitment as one set up right beside a fella who had set up shop to sell his wood carvings. However, he had quite a scam going. At one point the wood carver asked him to please "shut the hell up" and quit singing in his ear. The guitarist offered to move for $20. The carver paid it and the singer moved down the street. I am thinking I should just walk up to folks and start singing and when they ask me to leave them alone, I will offer to do so for $20. I could make a killing since I have been told not only that I cannot sing but that I am also downright annoying at times (see brother for confirm).
Twice during the week, while awaiting my bus home, I watched individuals intent on playing 'chicken' with the buses. They just step right off the curb and into the line of an oncoming bus. For one fella, the horn of the bus blasts and he stops dead in his track with that 'dear in the headlights' look. The bus honks again and he is still standing there. Finally, someone else steps into the street and pulls him to the sidewalk. I am thinking this man is obviously brain dead as he then proceeds to swear (at length and at top volume) at the bus. He is under the misconception this is still a pedestrian walk-way. He demands that witnesses come forward and agree to give him the number to the bus company so he can launch a lawsuit since he was almost killed. Since he lived, it seems he suffered traumatic side effects. I offered to push him back into the street so that he might be killed and then he would have a better chance at winning that lawsuit. I thought it was funny. Seems I am the only person on Granville with a sense of humour.
I am quite excited. I finally had the opportunity to get my eyes checked and order my new glasses. The Bay happens to have a 50% off sale for a full set of specs. In 3 weeks, I will be the proud owner of my very first designer glasses - Marc Jacobs thank you very much. I have put in a special request to have the name brand enhanced on the arm piece but it seems they think that is tacky. I think it is along the lines of when you lose a bunch of weight and you purchase a dress in one of the single digit sizes, you want to wear the tag on the outside. There was no need for the Optician to look at me that way.
So, today, my friend Heather came to my office to take a few pictures of me so that I can go back online and back to dating. I got home and discovered a problem - she sent them all via some other non-compatible system and I cannot use them. Part of me is thrilled - I looked all old and wrinkly - and I thought I wouldn't have to sign up again and the other part of me was depressed - OMG - I looked all old and wrinkly. I am thinking that perhaps I should wait until the face lift before doing this again.
I have an appointment next week with a plastic surgeon who does layaway. If I pay for 2/3 of the procedure then they will proceed and I can pay for the rest afterward. I am thinking along the lines of a mini-face lift. Nothing so drastic that I walk around looking permanently surprised but enough so the old and wrinkly will be gone. Bonus if I can actually look younger than my oldest child. I will keep you posted on how the appointment turns out.
Have a great weekend and stay tuned
Holly
However, I was treated to a couple of interesting things this week on Granville. The first was the duelling skinny white boy rappers. One was set up just in front of The Bay and the other was about 100 feet away by the entrance to the Canada Line. Frankly, I was embarrassed on thier behalf. It was plain embarrassing to see/hear and watch. Tough to pull off black rap when you have a scruffy beard and are wearing cordoroys. Not to mention, they were both just plain bad.
Later on in the week we were regaled by two separate Bon Jovi enthusiasts. Can't get whiter than that. They were not that bad. However, it lost a little something with the streetcars and buses rolling up and down the street momentarily drowning them out. There was a bit of excitment as one set up right beside a fella who had set up shop to sell his wood carvings. However, he had quite a scam going. At one point the wood carver asked him to please "shut the hell up" and quit singing in his ear. The guitarist offered to move for $20. The carver paid it and the singer moved down the street. I am thinking I should just walk up to folks and start singing and when they ask me to leave them alone, I will offer to do so for $20. I could make a killing since I have been told not only that I cannot sing but that I am also downright annoying at times (see brother for confirm).
Twice during the week, while awaiting my bus home, I watched individuals intent on playing 'chicken' with the buses. They just step right off the curb and into the line of an oncoming bus. For one fella, the horn of the bus blasts and he stops dead in his track with that 'dear in the headlights' look. The bus honks again and he is still standing there. Finally, someone else steps into the street and pulls him to the sidewalk. I am thinking this man is obviously brain dead as he then proceeds to swear (at length and at top volume) at the bus. He is under the misconception this is still a pedestrian walk-way. He demands that witnesses come forward and agree to give him the number to the bus company so he can launch a lawsuit since he was almost killed. Since he lived, it seems he suffered traumatic side effects. I offered to push him back into the street so that he might be killed and then he would have a better chance at winning that lawsuit. I thought it was funny. Seems I am the only person on Granville with a sense of humour.
I am quite excited. I finally had the opportunity to get my eyes checked and order my new glasses. The Bay happens to have a 50% off sale for a full set of specs. In 3 weeks, I will be the proud owner of my very first designer glasses - Marc Jacobs thank you very much. I have put in a special request to have the name brand enhanced on the arm piece but it seems they think that is tacky. I think it is along the lines of when you lose a bunch of weight and you purchase a dress in one of the single digit sizes, you want to wear the tag on the outside. There was no need for the Optician to look at me that way.
So, today, my friend Heather came to my office to take a few pictures of me so that I can go back online and back to dating. I got home and discovered a problem - she sent them all via some other non-compatible system and I cannot use them. Part of me is thrilled - I looked all old and wrinkly - and I thought I wouldn't have to sign up again and the other part of me was depressed - OMG - I looked all old and wrinkly. I am thinking that perhaps I should wait until the face lift before doing this again.
I have an appointment next week with a plastic surgeon who does layaway. If I pay for 2/3 of the procedure then they will proceed and I can pay for the rest afterward. I am thinking along the lines of a mini-face lift. Nothing so drastic that I walk around looking permanently surprised but enough so the old and wrinkly will be gone. Bonus if I can actually look younger than my oldest child. I will keep you posted on how the appointment turns out.
Have a great weekend and stay tuned
Holly
Monday, September 6, 2010
Staycation
So today is the last day of my wee staycation. It has been a very busy time. It started with my spa weekend (and we know how that turned out) and is ending with laundry, dishes and cleaning.
Here is a snapshot of my week - I took the grandkids to the PNE on the rainiest day of the whole fair. On the upside, it wasn't busy. But on the downside, I just about froze my backside off. We started off with a treat - well for them since just ordering them made my arteries clog and my butt widen by 3 inches. The kids shared an order of deep fried oreos and deep fried jelly beans. Turns out, they liked the oreos best. We spent the afternoon discovering the origin of candy, watching the Superdogs, pig races, petting zoo and then made our way to the rides and games. Normally, we do the rides in July at Playland and everything else during the fair because of all the lines. However, this time since it was just about a ghost town, the kids were allowed to pick two rides each. I almost fell over - I thought I was going to have to call the bank for a loan. The tickets are $1.50 each and each ride took between 3 and 7 tickets. Well, when Xavier picked his second ride I was shocked. My wee man took to the roller coaster like a duck to water. He loved it and wanted to go again and again. However at $10 a pop, he is going to have to get a job first. We spent 8 hours at the fair and everyone was tired and wet by the time we made it home. After bath time and some cartoons, it was bedtime. We had another big day ahead of us.
Up at 6:30am and breakfast and then pack up for the ferry ride to the island to visit my father and step-mother. The ferry ride was a blast. The kids had fun playing on deck and dancing around in the wind. After a wonderful lunch served in little plastic pails, we headed down to the beach to search for shells and any other organisms we could find. Lexie showed no fear and walked directly into the water with no thought to the fact that her boots were filling with water. I tried to warn her and hold her back but it was only a matter of time before she fell in the ocean. Surprisingly, she lasted longer than I thought - about 15-20 minutes before she fell in. Rae on the other hand, was very careful as she didn't like to get dirty. She is very much a wee princess. Xavier discovered his boots are not at all waterproof. We collected shells, crabs and found a huge jelly fish that had washed up on shore. It was a blast. The kids played with toys, games and we ate and ate and ate. Joyce, my fathers wife, is an amazing cook. We got to play camping as well by sleeping in thier 5th wheel. The kids had a blast and can't wait to go back. In fact, as we pulled away on Thursday for the trip home, Xavier wanted to know if we could come back to Great Grandads for Christmas. "How can someone not be home for Christmas? What will happen to him and how will Santa find him if he is not here?" I said he was going on holiday to Mexico and that just didn't sit well with him.
Friday had me heading back to the PNE for the concert of Cyndi Lauper. While it was a great concert, from what I could see, it was also the busiest day of the fair and it was so crammed with people I could hardly move. I stood beside this man who decided to sing along with Cyndi - great, now I had stereo - bad stereo. I smiled at him as he was obviously having a blast and he offered to hand me his microphone - a used candy floss cone. I passed by stating I had a sore throat and decided to move away before he wanted to offer anything else.
Saturday had my brother and I being invited to a BBQ with our cousin Rob at his place. The salmon was delicious and the company wonderful. We stayed much longer than I expected and had to coast back into the city on gas fumes as I forgot to fill up for awhile. We tried a couple of different exits before we finally found a station open at 1am and almost literally coasted to the pumps on fumes. I really have to stop doing this. It would not be the first time we ran out of gas. Because I no longer drive I often seem to think that the gas fairy will show up and keep me gassed and loaded to go.
Sunday, I met up with a very dear friend and her husband. We went to a lunch of grilled cheese and lobster sandwiches........mmmmm yummy. We wandered off to watch the cruise ships leave for Alaska (I am assuming). I sooooo wanted to be on one of them. I really don't care where they go anymore - just put me on a ship and I will be happy.
Well, with back to work tomorrow I am hoping to get back into the swing of things where I will bite the bullet and perhaps date again without wanting to shoot myself in the foot. I guess I will also have to buy some pantyhose as my days of bare legs have come to an end as well as put my white pants away.
Stay tuned
Here is a snapshot of my week - I took the grandkids to the PNE on the rainiest day of the whole fair. On the upside, it wasn't busy. But on the downside, I just about froze my backside off. We started off with a treat - well for them since just ordering them made my arteries clog and my butt widen by 3 inches. The kids shared an order of deep fried oreos and deep fried jelly beans. Turns out, they liked the oreos best. We spent the afternoon discovering the origin of candy, watching the Superdogs, pig races, petting zoo and then made our way to the rides and games. Normally, we do the rides in July at Playland and everything else during the fair because of all the lines. However, this time since it was just about a ghost town, the kids were allowed to pick two rides each. I almost fell over - I thought I was going to have to call the bank for a loan. The tickets are $1.50 each and each ride took between 3 and 7 tickets. Well, when Xavier picked his second ride I was shocked. My wee man took to the roller coaster like a duck to water. He loved it and wanted to go again and again. However at $10 a pop, he is going to have to get a job first. We spent 8 hours at the fair and everyone was tired and wet by the time we made it home. After bath time and some cartoons, it was bedtime. We had another big day ahead of us.
Up at 6:30am and breakfast and then pack up for the ferry ride to the island to visit my father and step-mother. The ferry ride was a blast. The kids had fun playing on deck and dancing around in the wind. After a wonderful lunch served in little plastic pails, we headed down to the beach to search for shells and any other organisms we could find. Lexie showed no fear and walked directly into the water with no thought to the fact that her boots were filling with water. I tried to warn her and hold her back but it was only a matter of time before she fell in the ocean. Surprisingly, she lasted longer than I thought - about 15-20 minutes before she fell in. Rae on the other hand, was very careful as she didn't like to get dirty. She is very much a wee princess. Xavier discovered his boots are not at all waterproof. We collected shells, crabs and found a huge jelly fish that had washed up on shore. It was a blast. The kids played with toys, games and we ate and ate and ate. Joyce, my fathers wife, is an amazing cook. We got to play camping as well by sleeping in thier 5th wheel. The kids had a blast and can't wait to go back. In fact, as we pulled away on Thursday for the trip home, Xavier wanted to know if we could come back to Great Grandads for Christmas. "How can someone not be home for Christmas? What will happen to him and how will Santa find him if he is not here?" I said he was going on holiday to Mexico and that just didn't sit well with him.
Friday had me heading back to the PNE for the concert of Cyndi Lauper. While it was a great concert, from what I could see, it was also the busiest day of the fair and it was so crammed with people I could hardly move. I stood beside this man who decided to sing along with Cyndi - great, now I had stereo - bad stereo. I smiled at him as he was obviously having a blast and he offered to hand me his microphone - a used candy floss cone. I passed by stating I had a sore throat and decided to move away before he wanted to offer anything else.
Saturday had my brother and I being invited to a BBQ with our cousin Rob at his place. The salmon was delicious and the company wonderful. We stayed much longer than I expected and had to coast back into the city on gas fumes as I forgot to fill up for awhile. We tried a couple of different exits before we finally found a station open at 1am and almost literally coasted to the pumps on fumes. I really have to stop doing this. It would not be the first time we ran out of gas. Because I no longer drive I often seem to think that the gas fairy will show up and keep me gassed and loaded to go.
Sunday, I met up with a very dear friend and her husband. We went to a lunch of grilled cheese and lobster sandwiches........mmmmm yummy. We wandered off to watch the cruise ships leave for Alaska (I am assuming). I sooooo wanted to be on one of them. I really don't care where they go anymore - just put me on a ship and I will be happy.
Well, with back to work tomorrow I am hoping to get back into the swing of things where I will bite the bullet and perhaps date again without wanting to shoot myself in the foot. I guess I will also have to buy some pantyhose as my days of bare legs have come to an end as well as put my white pants away.
Stay tuned
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