Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Difinitive Answer

So, my friend Heather's boyfriend apparently couldn't understand why I was still single.  Well, I have the definitive answer as to why....I stink.

I was forced to take public transit to work this week.  This means 2 buses and a train to get from my home to my office.  Good times.

I got on the first bus and took a seat beside a very nice looking middle aged woman.  The bus started to move and so did she.  She stood up in the aisle.  I didn't think too much of it as I quite often will stand when my stop is coming up.  She stayed on, standing, for the same length of time as I did.  I still didn't think too much of it.

I then transferred to the train for the middle portion of my trip.  I sat down on an empty bench.  A young man sat down beside me and promptly stood up and moved to the other end of the car.  Hmmm.  It got my attention since he was only in my presence for about 20 seconds before deciding to move so far away.  Ah well, I got the whole seat to myself for the rest of the trip.

I then transferred to my final bus.  Since it is a relatively short trip, I sat on the bench right near the front door.  I swear on a stack - the two people sitting on the bench beside me both leaned farther away.

WTH???????????  If I didn't have such  thick skin and high opinion of myself, I might have had my feelings hurt.  What was going on?  I take regular showers - in fact, I had one just the night before (I prefer night showers rather than morning as I am pretty sure I will drown in the morning when I am sleepy).

I came into the office and accosted my assistant - "What the hell is wrong with me?  Do I stink?"  Perhaps she was not the person to ask.  It is bonus time and I am pretty sure she looked me right in the face and lied to me so as not to jeopardize her raise.  However, I did watch her back up away from me.

I went in search of someone who had nothing to gain, or lose, by telling me the truth.  I found this person in the ladies room.  I asked this person point blank as I got right up into her startled face "Do I stink to you?"  "Yes, kinda"  ????  How could someone be so mean and rude to a total stranger? 

I asked her what the stench was like and she stated it smelled like something sour - possible milk mixed with lemon and some dead flowers. 

Where on earth would I pick up a scent like that?  I wracked my brain.  Oh jeez.....the only thing I could think of was my brand new perfume.  I had treated myself to a new scent from CoCo Chanel.  Not the cheap stuff.  This was my Christmas gift to me.  It was the only thing I could think of as I was wearing it for the first time that day.

Crap - I had to stink all day and then hope that it wore off before I got back on transit to head home.

It seemed to be better as no one blatently moved away from me.  Once home, I headed in to see my brother.  "Does my new perfume really stink?"  "Yes.  Why do you think I close my door and turn on the fan and put a cloth over my mouth?"  Great.

I headed to the Bay with my new perfume.  After a few tears and my tale of woe, I got a refund and a new scent.  No one has moved away from me since.  However, the ladie from the restroom ran away when she saw me in the hallway.  Think my feelings are hurt.

well, back to work.  Stay tuned

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