Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Head in the Clouds

Lately I seem to be operating with my head a bit in the clouds.  I am losing my car, walking into lamp posts and Wednesday forgetting a regulatory hearing that I was adjudicating.  Thankfully, they could not start without me so after a fast dash downtown in record time, I arrived only 20 minutes late.  Just in time to find the guy guilty.

After leaving the hearing I raced down to the parkade as I had to get back to the office in a hurry.  Well, we all know THAT did not happen.  I searched and searched for my car and it was nowhere to be found.  After sometimes secretly wishing someone would steal it, NOW WAS NOT THE TIME.  I was feeling somewhat sickened and thinking perhaps it was time to call the police and report it when I noticed a sign on the wall that did not look familiar to me.  I pulled out my parking ticket and looked at the wall again.  Not sure how this happened but I was in the wrong parkade.  With my head planted firmly in the clouds, I had not paid attention to the fact that I got on the wrong elevator, left the building and went into the parkade across the street (BTW, I had never, ever, been in that other parkade before).   Holy crap, I need a holiday.

I thought I would have a bit of a holiday this long weekend.  I would have my favorite wee people on the planet with me.

I picked them up on Saturday after lunch just as the temperatures started to hit 31.  After blasting the air conditioner in my car all the way home, I realized that I had no groceries in my house.  I turned around and went to the bank machine to get some cash to shop and the machine ate my card.  I am on a long weekend now with hot and sticky children, no groceries and no bank card.  What's a girl to do but go back home and beg her brother to lend her enough money to make it through the weekend.  His price?  Take him grocery shopping with us.

It was nice and cool inside Safeway as the kids drew the attention of other shoppers while they debated the merits of Fruitloops, Cocoa Puffs and Mini Wheats.  The deal was they all had to agree on one cereal.  Finally an older gentleman, visiting Canada from England, helped them decide.  He told them Mini Wheats would make them poop regular.  We got Cocoa Puffs. 

After spending 45 minutes in the store, we made our way to the checkout where the kids are now nose to nose with the chocolate bars.  I was hearing "Nannagramma, can we have?, Can you buy?, Can I buy for me?" when the woman behind me piped up with "oh, how nice, you have all your grandchildren with you."  At that point my brother started to laugh and said "yep, I am having fun with grandma here".  And the woman stated "Well, I don't think this is your grandmother, more likely your mother."

At that point, I heard the laughter behind me but all I was seeing were the brightly coloured stars floating in front of my eyes.  OMG - I look like I am old enough to be his mother?  Brother, very wisely moved out of my reach at that point but the laughter did not subside until much, much later.

After the crappy shopping trip, the kids and I made our way to Granville Island waterpark.  The walk there was filled with "how much farther, it's so hot out, my feet hurt and can we get ice cream when we get there".  However, it was worth it once we arrived and set up camp in the shade.  The kids feet miraculously healed and they ran off to hit the water slide.  Lexi was so excited because maybe, just maybe, this year she was big enough to ride it on her own.  I waited with baited breath - would she measure up?  They measured her and she just made it - literally. I think her ponytail was the thing that made her just tall enough.  And she was off.    After landing upsidedown at the bottom, I lifted her out and her first words (after she stopped choking) were "I am big now.  Let me down.  I need to go again."  I have attached pictures of all three. 

It was time to leave and no one wanted to walk home so off to the bus stop we went when Lexi started to jump around doing the pee pee dance.  I learned from past experience and when we headed into Starbucks so she could use the facilities, I told her to cry right out loud.  I only had enough cash on me for the bus so I could not purchase anything in order for her to use the facilities.  She did not want to cooperate but she did do something much better to ensure she could use the bathroom.  "Nanna, I don't have to just go pee.  I need to poop really really bad."  Surprisingly, no one stopped us as we made our way to the front of the line for the ladies room.  After 10 minutes in there with me waiting on the other side of the door, everyone in line was privy to the following " Nanna, you should come in here and see this.  My poop is green."  It was a proud moment as I remarked to those still waiting "Betcha your kids don't have green poop.  My grandchildren are super special".

That night we made our way to my roof top at exactly 10pm for the final night of the Symphony of Fire fireworks display.  While we can't see anything low from my roof, we do have a fabulous vantage point for all the rest.  The kids had a great day and were in bed and sound asleep by midnight.  I dragged myself off thinking that they would sleep in after such a full day.  They had 3 fans pointing at them and were cool in just their underwear and a sheet.

I was wrong.  I was awoken to sounds of children arguing, slapping and jumping.  My brother, whose room is right below where they were in the living room, was not a happy camper.  (Serves him right for the shopping experience.)  I dragged myself out of bed and made my way upstairs where I recognized that it was going to be a very long day - 7am and they woke up already cranky.

We hustled out of the house by 11am to make our way downtown to my friend Heather's place to spend the afternoon in her pool.  Unfortunately, this was also Pride weekend and the parade was getting started.  Heather lives just off the parade route and they use her neighborhood as the staging area where everyone gets ready for their turn to hit the streets.  I tried to skirt the area but much of it was blocked off and it made passing through a little tenuous for little kids.  There is an awful lot of nudity in the parade.  Finally, I just decided to bulldoze my way through and try to keep the kids occupied so perhaps they might not notice.  I am naive.  As we passed by one group of people setting up their float, I feel a tug on the bottom of my dress.  I look down and poor Lexi looks concerned.  "Nannagramma, that girl forgot her t-shirt and she only has circles on her boobies."  Rae - " maybe she is poor Lex and doesn't have money for a t-shirt".  Lexi - "she is going to get a sunburn".  Rae - "maybe her mom put sunscreen on her".  I just kept walking.

We spent almost three hours with Heather -  swimming and eating ice cream.  The kids had a blast and we were the only ones in the pool.  It was over 30 outside and this was a great way to stay cool and wear the kids out.  I think my plan worked too well.  At the 2 1/2 hour mark, they were squabbling and basically just floating in the water with no energy to even swim to the side.  That is until I said it was time to go.  Then they had all the energy in the world as they begged for more time.  That energy subsided again as we walked the 3 blocks to the bus ride home.  "Are we ever going to get there?  It's so hot.  Carry me.  My legs itch.  My feet hurt." 

As we came through the front door, I just wanted to collapse.  Instead the little pishers got their second wind.  In the stuffiness of the house, I soundly got my can kicked at Spongebob Square Pants monopoly.  I am pretty sure they cheat.  The house was still too hot.  No one was comfortable.  I decided we needed to be some place cool.  After a quick dinner of hotdogs, off we went to the movies.  We saw Iceage, Continental Divide in 3D.  While it was a pretty good movie, I am not too sure it was $54 worth of good.  One adult and 3 kids = $54 PLUS 3 kids packs (drink, popcorn and chocolate) = $92.45.  However, what made it worth it was that by the time we got home at 10pm, the house had cooled off enough to be bareable. 

All three kids were sound asleep by 11:30pm and slept right through until 9:30 the next morning.  I was up at 7:30 as my brother dropped something on the floor just outside my door causing me to sit bolt upright.  Personally, I think he did it on purpose.

I took the kids home Monday afternoon and returned with the intention of having a wee nap myself.  It was too hot to sleep so I layed on the couch watching the Olympics till bedtime.

I am taking some time off at the end of the month.  I think that in order to maintain my simple sanity, I need some alone time.  Perhaps just locking myself in my room - no phone or laptop - and sleeping for 3 days, might just do the trick.  perhaps I will no longer get comments from hairdressers and complete strangers about how old I look.  Perhaps I will just drink myself into oblivion so I just don't care.

Ah well, wait and see.




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