Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Scientific Proof

So, during my time off last week I happened to view a TV program which proved my lifelong conjecture about my wieght.  I have always contended that I am just too short for my weight - basically, I am vertically challenged while being horizontally enhanced.  There just had to be something to my weight vs. height conondrum.  Well, this show proved I was on to something - and long before I got the proof.

What this doctor contends is that short (petite) women CANNOT lose weight like tall people.  Our centre of gravity is lower and we are pulled closer to the earth by gravity  making weight loss a bit of a tug of war between our bodies and the earth ( I KNEW IT!!!).  So, this doctor has written a new diet book for those of us vertically challenged 'rubenesque' women. 

In the end, now that I am vindicated, I no longer care.  Who am I trying to impress?  The drug dealer?  The stalker?  The Spy? The alcoholic gun collector?  I mean really, the time for me meeting anyone sane who would give a crap about my waistline has passed.  And quite frankly, I am pretty happy living my life as it is.  I cannot even imagine sharing my bathroom let alone allowing some schmuk to pick off my plate during dinner or eating my popcorn during a movie.  Chances are he would lose a finger anyway.

I hope everyone has had a wonderful Christmas season!  That's right, I said CHRISTMAS.  Not "holiday" season.  It is Christmas - period.  Don't like it?  suck it up sunshine cause I am a horizontally enhanced woman with the last bit of chocolate and no more leftovers.  Basically, I am on the edge.

  Thank goodness I had the kids for 3 days before Christmas otherwise I would have had no real holiday time.  I picked them up on the Sunday prior and we spent the next few days visiting the Christmas German market, Bright Lights at Stanley park, decorating my tree, playing in the park, visiting Granville Island and feeding ducks.  It was wonderful.

We made candles and decorated cookies at the market.  We sat with Santa in the park and wandered around a truly wonderful light display.  We watched movies and Christmas shows and stayed up late eating junk food.  I had some great pictures of the kids feeding the ducks who came right up and ate from their hands. Lexie and Xavier actually had one let them pet it. Something happened with my camera and I am not sure where they went.

It was a wonderful time.  By the time I took them home Tuesday night, they were exhausted and were sound asleep before I even hit the highway.  Not sure my children like it when I bring the kids home so cranky and tired.  oh well, they will understand when it is their turn.  Besides, my parents used to do it to me whenever they had the girls.

The oldest children came back with the grandkids on Friday.  We had Christmas dinner - no smoke detectors went off so it was a win - and we opened gifts.  It was a very nice time.

Saturday morning I woke up a bit disoriented.  My head was the size of a basketball and filled with fluid.  My ears were ringing and I was pretty sure I should be updating my Will.  Suffice to say, I went back to bed and stayed there until this morning - 4 days later.  It was a very quiet Christmas needless to say.  I ran out of food by Sunday.  I was not a happy camper. 

I had to crawl out of bed this morning to make my way to work.  There is no one to cover for me as everyone else is on holiday.  It's not so bad really.  I have a bottle of cough syrup that I am swigging directly into my mouth.  Turns out, I approve just about anything on this stuff.  My rule today - if it won't kill me, I don't give a crap - do whatever you want. 

Anyway, I am hoping to be better by friday.  I am taking my youngest child to dinner and a movie to enjoy a joint birthday and Christmas celebration.  If I am still alive on Saturday, I just might stay awake until midnight and bang some pots and pans to ring in the new year.

Stay tuned and happy New Year to All and to all a Good Night.

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