Friday, December 16, 2011

The 50's have a rough start

With great expectation, I looked forward to the beginning of a new decade.  I have heard that the 50's are now the new 40's.  Since my 40's were actually pretty wonderful (all things considered), I could quite enjoy that decade again.

Turns out this is a lie.  Those who are saying that 50 is the new 40 are quite obviously skillful liars who are in their 30's.  Just wait, you little buggers, you will get yours!

I have now been 50 for exactly 23 days (I considered not including weekends as I tend to nap my way through those two days.  Do you really age while you sleep?).  Of those 23 days, I felt 40 for exactly 5 of those days - Nov. 25 - 28 - on a high from birthday celebrations and December 4th, the Santa Claus parade .

Recap:  November 29 - Dec 3 - see previous posting on trip from hell.  I was cold, cranky, tired, frustrated, angry and in constant pain from perpetual headache
            December 4 - broke my tooth.  See posting of dentist who did root canal on wrong tooth and split it.  Well, now it is broken right in half.
            December 5 -  10 - IT department at work has it in for me.  AND I got sick.  If someone told me I had the black plague, I would not have been surprised.  Our home goes up for sale and we only found out due to for sale sign out front.  We have a deceitful landlord.
           December 11 - 12 - Had wonderful time visiting family for advance Christmas fun and follies.  Still not feeling quite up to snuff and travelling on the BC ferry system makes me want to poke my own eyeball out with a sharp fork.
          December 13 - got my heel caught on the edge of my vehicle step and fell out of the truck onto the pavement in garage tearing a hole in my pants and getting bloody knee and bruised ego.  Not even drunk.  Too bad, might not have hurt as much
        December 14 - had horrible Christmas wrapping event which caused me to break three nails all at once on my perfectly manicured fingers. 
       December 15 - Payroll forgot about me again.  WTH??????  They promise to fix immediately but I am left with twitch above my left eye.
      December 16 - GIANT annual Christmas zit forming on my chin.  Ok, so this should make me feel younger since zits tend to happen during puberty.  However, I was informed by the girl performing my birthday facial that now I am getting hormornal zits.  Great.  Real nice.  First the hot flashes, the night sweats, the peeing when I laugh, the beard that is filling in nicely and now zits.  I am quite the catch.  Betcha can't wait to see who I finally land who is willing to overlook these issues.

So, now that I am done with my whining, I can tell you I am actually very excited about this coming week.  I fully expect to feel young again - until it is over and I crawl into my bed to sleep for three days as I recover.

I am off now until after Christmas.  Yehaa!  I will pick up my favorite grandchildren on Sunday morning and we will set about moving my living room furniture to fit my tree.  We will then decorate the house and build our gingerbread house.  We will stay up late watching cartoons and have sugar coated cereal for breakfast (more zits to come from that I imagine).  We will ride the Christmas train at Stanley park once it gets dark and we will visit the German marketplace where I will pay the children to try some borscht.  I am very excited.

After I awaken from my three days of sleep, it will be Christmas.  I still need to decide what to cook.  While I am admittedly a disaster in the kitchen, I can do a couple of things well - Turkey, Roast beef (ok, some would debate that but the gravy usually works out well) and ham.  Perhaps I do a roast for Christmas eve, Ham on Christmas day and Turkey at Easter.

Stay tuned.  The next few days will be a blast.


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