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Monday, January 31, 2011

What is wrong with this picture????

I can't decide whether or not this new "catch" is the victim of a horrid woman who treated him badly or just another fool who requires an idiot vaccination before he is let loose in the dating pond.

So, let me set this up.  We connected on line about 3 weeks ago.  After numerous emails and instant messaging, I agreed to call him.  It seems he hid his idiocy well online - OR, I am still learning - and not very fast I might add - what questions to ask and I am not asking the right ones.

The conversation started off in the usual way - what do you do for fun, where do you like to go, where have you travelled, yada, yada, yada.  After about 15 minutes of pretty inoccuous chatter, he comes out with what he wants in finding a partner.  Ya'll better sit down for this part (I had to sit before I fell over).

"Well, Holly, I am looking for a girlfriend who will eventually become my wife because I am lonely.  This is the 3rd time I have been on this site and I want you to be my last.  The first one didn't work out because she wouldn't check in with me and I never knew where she was (is he kidding me?).  The 2nd one didn't like me very much.  Not sure why since its not like I asked for sex every night-just everytime we met (jeez...idiot o'meter on high alert).  I expect my girlfriend to always stay in touch and plan to meet me at least once per week.  I need to know where you are at all times or I will wonder if you are being faithful.  Everyone knows that the only way to maintain faithfulness is to ensure the man can keep tabs on his woman.  So, when can we meet?  I would like it to be this weekend so if you would please make arrangements to be in Coquitlam on Saturday, that would be best."

Obviously, he has not taken advantage of our excellent mental health programs.  When I replied that he was looking for something different than what I am, he seemed to get quite agitated.  It seems I didn't understand him properly and am already betraying him.  Holy crap- can I pick em or what?

You know - I am really beginning to think that I am really the one with the problem.  I don't seem to be able to pinpoint the idiots at first glance or even the 3rd glance.  While I am a freak magnet, I think I actually make things worse because I am not even close to understanding what I am doing.  What do I want in a partner?  I thought it was really quite simple.  I just want someone to share things with who won't want to hang around 24/7.  Someone who buys dinner once in a while would be nice too.  If he is a good travel companion, that would be a bonus.  But if some guy expects me to check in and let him know where I am at all times then he is obviously low on his Prozac.  I don't take direction very well.  If someone tells me I cannot order a cocktail before 5pm, I find the need to order a Screwdriver at noon - even though I don't really drink.  Spite, you might say.  Tell me to do something and I feel a ridiculous need to do the opposite - including cutting off my nose to spite my face.

I think I need to set up a dating partner.  More perhaps like a dating coach.  Someone to tell me what to type online, say on the phone and go with me on those first meetings.  This coach would be expected to draw out the 'stupid' before I get hit with it.  Considering my record to date, some of the stupid must be rubbing off on me.  It's probably in all my clothes and hair by now.  Washing stupid out of your hair can't be easy.  I need this person to tell me what I am doing wrong.  I thought I was being up front, clear and concise.  Maybe I am speaking the wrong language.  Anyone who is willing to take this task on, please let me know.

On another note, I am meeting up with my ideal date on Saturday.  Once he finishes his soccer game, he has agreed to come to my place and help me fix my living room.  He wants to pick out furniture for him to have when he gets his own place.  The boy thinks ahead.  He is 8 years old but understands he needs to plan ahead and why not go shopping at Nannagramma's house?  His mother and aunt did.

will keep you posted.

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