Monday, April 15, 2013

Reason 1256 why I should not date

Only 3 more sleeps to go!

I was really looking forward to this past weekend.  I was going to get some last minute vacation prep work done, weed whack my legs and chin, get a hair cut, convert cash to US dollars, clean the bathroom,wash the floors and bake a cake.  This is what I actually did - made spaghetti sauce, took my brother shopping for dress pants, took the pants to the tailors, bought a lottery ticket, baked and decorated the birthday cake.......and went on a date.

He started out as a nice 56 year old man who owns and operates a successful company in the town where I grew up.  He is the friend of a friend of a friend (I need better friends) who thought that while he was in town for a convention that we might hit it off.  We did...for the first 30 minutes.  During those 30 minutes he downed 2 scotches and a bottle of Budwieser.

Those first 30 minutes were nice.  Admittedly, he was very good for my ego.  He thought I was attractive, charming, witty and he loved my hair and the fact that it was real (that had me confused for a while but I figured maybe he dated a lot of women who wear wigs).  It went downhill pretty quickly after that.

Me:  Do you like to travel?
Him:  Nope.  Too dangerous out there.  Just give me a fishing rod or a golf club and I am good to go.  Oh and don't forget the beer.  Only the good stuff though - none of that sissy juice.
Me:  What is sissy juice?
Him:  Anything light
Me:  So you don't travel anywhere?  Have you EVER been anywhere that you thought was interesting?
Him:  I know where I'd like to go with you right now.
Me:  You're a bit of a pig aren't you?  Perhaps we should have dinner now and you can tell me where you like to fish.
Him:  I like fishing for babes like you.
Me:  Your parents must be very proud of you
Him:  Why wouldn't they be?  Look at how successful I am?
Me:  Happy for you
Him:  Come on Holly.  Wouldn't you love to see my big salmon?
Me:  Your meds must be wearing off because now you appear delusional.
Him:  I know I am an idiot but women find me cute and attractive.
Me:  Don't make me stab you with my fork.  If you do not quit trying to run your foot up my pant leg, I will forgo my vacation for jail and stab you with it.  I am not shaving my legs for you.
Him:  I like fiesty.
Me:  My cab just arrived - see ya.

So, the first 30 minutes were just fine, which according to the woman who introduced us says is how she has known him.  She never knew he turned into a pig when drinking.  He even made the former alcoholic gun collector look good.

After that fun filled evening, I went home and baked the cake for Lexi's birthday party.  I have attached a picture.  She asked for a flower but I gave her more of a tree.  The tree lost a lot of it's petals on the ground below. I am getting worse and may have to re-do my decorating classes.  Also, my hand has started to shake quite a bit and it looks like I was drunk myself when I made the thing.  The cake is now safely in the freezer of her parents awaiting the birthday party.  She was upset that I would not be attending but when I said I would bring home treats from Hawaii, she was appeased.  Her brother and sister however wanted to know what kind of treats.  When I mentioned that maybe I would bring home chocolate covered macadamia nuts I got the following conversation:

Kids:  What are those?
Me:  Best nuts on the planet
Kids:  How many will we get - 23?
Me:  How about we start with 23 and then each day your parents tell me you didn't behave, I will take one away?
Rae:  That doesn't seem fair.  We can't be good every single day you are gone.  You are going to be gone a long time.

Love her outlook and honesty

The upside to the whole weekend was when I went online to see some excursions that I could do with my brother and I noticed that the price of our cruise went down by quite a bit.  I called Holland America and asked for either a) a refund, b) onboard credits or c) an upgrade.  We got the upgrade.  I will let you know what the cabin looks like when we board. 

Now, with only 3 more sleeps to go, I still have to find time to convert the cash, get a haircut, buy a bathing suit, weed whack the legs and get a tan.  Might be tight on the timing.

I will post again from the ship.  

Cheers and stay tuned

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