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Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Yoga Farts....and more

A couple of weeks ago, the owners of our rental townhouse came by to check the place out since we moved in.  They were so pleased to have a couple of responsible adults (?) move in that they asked what they could do to make us happy to stay for a long time.  I wanted new wood floors, a stove and a plumber for the main bathroom.  My brother asked for a gazebo and hot tub on the roof.  The plumber came on Monday.

I have had a brand new toilet installed by what appeared to be a 15 year old boy.  He took the time to explain to me the difference between the oval seat we used to have and the round one on the newly installed masterpiece.  He tried to tell me it had to do with the amount of water used but I secretly knew that it actually had everything to do with the size of my butt.  A rounded seat should hold more while the oval seat left some of my left cheek actually hangin in the bathtub.  In anycase, I no longer have to use the plunger 5 times a week and it truly is a masterpiece and the centrepiece of my bathroom.  This is one of the best benefits of being a renter - broken toilet, call someone and care not a fig about the cost.

So, last night I attended my very first YOGA class.  Does everyone else know that YOGA can cause intestinal distress that will manifest itself in the form of farts?   This was very startling news to me.  My cousin Tracy warned me and told me to be prepared to squeeze my butt cheeks into my floor mat at the first sign I was about to let loose.  When I expressed my concern, my older brother offered the advice that when I began to let the tooting begin, to turn to the person on the mat next to me and announce rather loudly to QUIT PULLING MY FINGER".  However, after attending the class, I recognized that would never work.  These were a group very serious hippies.

I am kinda proud of myself.  I wasn't exactly sure what to expect.  I only toppled over once.  My biggest problem is actually today.  I hurt.  And of all places to hurt, it is my left butt cheek (the same one that used to hang over my toilet seat).  Not sure what I did exactly but it turns out there are some muscles hidden beneath my old lady fat.  Who knew? 

I have to admit that I slept like a drug induced baby last night (we all know real babies don't sleep like babies unless they are drugged).  I think I will sign up for a 10 class pass and see if I ever graduate from the beginners stage.

I have checked into my Salsa classes.  Turns out I missed this session so have to wait until November.  Might be a good idea.  Otherwise, it would have been - Yoga Monday, Tuesday Salsa, Wednesday Emergency.

On another note, I don't know why I was complaining about my difficulties in meeting men.  I had plenty of opportunity to introduce myself to a whole group of them gathered right outside my door this morning.

Just as I was opening my front door to head to work, I heard lots of shouting, plenty of swearing, sounds of a scuffle and warnings to drop the knife.  I love street theatre.  The guy with the knife was kinda cute.  Too bad he ran away when he saw me.  I am trying not to take it personally.  I happen to look pretty cute today.

Well, Thanksgiving is coming up and I have been requested to cook a ham.  Not sure who for or who requested it yet but we shall see.  I am looking forward to the long weekend.

Stay tuned. I am sure more crap will be happening soon




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