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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Starting up again

So, after being pestered to start my blog again (ok, so maybe two people does not a pester make, but those two people were really annoying), I have decided to pick it up and write again.  This time, since the Olympics are over and I think my chances of being asked to volunteer for the Russian games are slim to none, I figure I will tell you all about my other adventures.

Ok, so I have tipped my toe into the dating pool again.  I have a real need to be very careful.  I have only had three serious relationships in my life and I married two of them.  Times however, have changed.  It seems in order to date these days you must be tech savy and own a computer.  I am now on a dating website.  Wish this had been around 30 years ago I might have fared better.  My children think it is time for me to date.  Personally, I think they are just afraid they will be stuck with me in my old age.

So, to bring everyone up to speed, I will tell you about my first three dates. 

First Date -  I will call him - Blew it in the first 15 seconds man - sounded promising.  Both in emails and in telephone conversation he sounded like he had possibilities and very much like me - wandering around wondering when the rules all changed.  We decided to meet at Van Dusen gardens.  A really lovely place and I was quite looking forward to a stroll.  I arrived early so he could seek me out rather than me wandering around asking strange men if they were waiting for me.  I was sitting on a bench in the shade when a friendly looking man of 55 walked towards me and called my name.  I stood and offered my hand........he grabbed me in a bear hug and hung on.  While I like to think I am a very affectionate person - with family and the occassional friend - I do NOT like nor do I expect complete strangers to hug me.  He was done.

Second Date - We can call him - Disguised as normal man - I agreed to meet him after work in the Starbucks that is on Broadway located inside the Safeway store.  I figured if it didn't go well, I can just pick up dinner and hop on the train home.  Well, we sat outside drinking tea and coffee for about 90 minutes.  He was very nice and pleasant to look at.  He asked if he could buy me dinner.  Since he hadn't tried to hug me, I was game.  He said he had the perfect spot.  Turns out it was in the middle of China town in a run down shop on a run down street.  As we pulled up (in his perfectly restored Jaguar), a drunk puked on the sidewalk and the paddy wagon showed up to haul off 4 guys fighting on the corner.  I love street theatre.  We picked our way through the mess to the little shop where he was greated by name.  He ordered for both of us (circa 1950).  We had won ton soup and dried pork bites.  The first won ton I ate seemed a little off.  The second was downright pink and mushy.  I broke out into a sweat.  After 30 minutes of conversation where he finally admitted he was a debt collector for Canadian Tire and joyously took pleasure in following people around and didn't believe in taking holidays (he doesn't get paid).  I had had about enough and wanted to go home.  He laughed and said that he promised he would only stalk me until I said yes to a proposal.  I really really wanted to go home.  I was also queasy.  Suffice to say, 30 minutes after returning home, I was violently ill.  I had food poisoning and spent the night in the bathroom.  He called me the next day to tell me the stalking had begun (ha ha ha).  I told him about the poisoning and said if I saw him again, it would be because I had him in the sites of my crossbow.

Date 3 - We call him - Are your freakin kidding me? man -  So we meet on Granville Island at Beaches.  I am thinking perhaps we will have lunch.  I ended up making an excuse about having to take my child to Costco (my child is 30 and can take herself to Costco) and got the heck outta there.  Suffice to say I was on a date with a drunken, alcoholic, gun collector.   But "don't worry Holly, I only have 7 long barrells".  Aww, so sweet to think of me.  He also has both of his daughters living in condo's down the hall from him because he cannot function without females in his life.  He promised to teach me how to shoot (he wasn't that bright) in exchange for laundry, cooking and taking his girls shopping. 

So, this is how it started.  I have had plenty of offers from the 20-25 year old crowd who want a Mrs. Robinson but I am not into teaching.  I am also beginning to think I have some sort of genetic freak magnate code that brings them out of the woodwork.

This weekend a bunch of us are going to the gay pride parade.  If I didn't think it was too much work and would have to learn a new rule book, I might think they are on to something. 

I will keep you posted

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