So, my friend Heather's boyfriend apparently couldn't understand why I was still single. Well, I have the definitive answer as to why....I stink.
I was forced to take public transit to work this week. This means 2 buses and a train to get from my home to my office. Good times.
I got on the first bus and took a seat beside a very nice looking middle aged woman. The bus started to move and so did she. She stood up in the aisle. I didn't think too much of it as I quite often will stand when my stop is coming up. She stayed on, standing, for the same length of time as I did. I still didn't think too much of it.
I then transferred to the train for the middle portion of my trip. I sat down on an empty bench. A young man sat down beside me and promptly stood up and moved to the other end of the car. Hmmm. It got my attention since he was only in my presence for about 20 seconds before deciding to move so far away. Ah well, I got the whole seat to myself for the rest of the trip.
I then transferred to my final bus. Since it is a relatively short trip, I sat on the bench right near the front door. I swear on a stack - the two people sitting on the bench beside me both leaned farther away.
WTH??????????? If I didn't have such thick skin and high opinion of myself, I might have had my feelings hurt. What was going on? I take regular showers - in fact, I had one just the night before (I prefer night showers rather than morning as I am pretty sure I will drown in the morning when I am sleepy).
I came into the office and accosted my assistant - "What the hell is wrong with me? Do I stink?" Perhaps she was not the person to ask. It is bonus time and I am pretty sure she looked me right in the face and lied to me so as not to jeopardize her raise. However, I did watch her back up away from me.
I went in search of someone who had nothing to gain, or lose, by telling me the truth. I found this person in the ladies room. I asked this person point blank as I got right up into her startled face "Do I stink to you?" "Yes, kinda" ???? How could someone be so mean and rude to a total stranger?
I asked her what the stench was like and she stated it smelled like something sour - possible milk mixed with lemon and some dead flowers.
Where on earth would I pick up a scent like that? I wracked my brain. Oh jeez.....the only thing I could think of was my brand new perfume. I had treated myself to a new scent from CoCo Chanel. Not the cheap stuff. This was my Christmas gift to me. It was the only thing I could think of as I was wearing it for the first time that day.
Crap - I had to stink all day and then hope that it wore off before I got back on transit to head home.
It seemed to be better as no one blatently moved away from me. Once home, I headed in to see my brother. "Does my new perfume really stink?" "Yes. Why do you think I close my door and turn on the fan and put a cloth over my mouth?" Great.
I headed to the Bay with my new perfume. After a few tears and my tale of woe, I got a refund and a new scent. No one has moved away from me since. However, the ladie from the restroom ran away when she saw me in the hallway. Think my feelings are hurt.
well, back to work. Stay tuned
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
How Much Fun is a Mother Allowed to Have at her Child's expense?
Turns out, quite a bit but it's still not enough!
I met the boyfriend of my youngest child this weekend. I had invited them both to lunch at White Spot in order to meet this young man and to offer him a modicum of protection in being in a public place.
The boy already had a couple of points in his favor - he is gainfully employed in a job he likes and has no visible tattoos or piercings.
He was almost painfully shy as he shook my hand and it was shaking. He admitted his nervousness. I liked it.
Suddenly, my child leaves the table for the restroom. We are alone. I start the boyfriend drill - where are you from? Where did you grow up? who are your parents? Where do they live? Do you like them? How often do you see them? Do they work? Where? Where did you meet my child? When? Do you prefer beef or fish? (just to throw him off his game a little). What is your 5 year plan? this is the question where everything went sideways.
BF: My 5 year plan includes your daughter.
ME: Huh?
BF: I would like your permission to marry her
ME: Huh?
BF: I want to marry your daughter
ME: Why?
BF: Why?
ME: That's what I asked. Why do you want to marry her?
BF: Because I love her
ME: Why?
BF: Why what?
ME: Why do you love her?
BF: Because she makes me happy and I love everything about her
ME: Do you think that is a good enough reason to get married?
BF: Yes, I love her.
ME: Can you support her? And I just don't mean financially.
BF: Yes and any family we have. I never turn down hours to work
Well, knock me over with a feather
ME: When do you want to get married? Tomorrow?
BF: Later
My child returned to the table with WELL???????? What was I to say? I just smiled and said, given he is the best of the bunch to date, I am ok with it.
I guess I am getting a second son-in-law. Wonder when that will be? Does this mean that I now have an expanded christmas list? Hope he likes things from Target.
On another note, I am un-motivated so far this year. My accomplishment to date - I have reached level 36 on my blackberry Brickbreaker game. That's it. I have no motivation for anything else. My christmas tree still stands like a beacon in my living room. I am now thinking that it actually works as a well decorated plant and looks good in the corner. The Christmas lights still hang from my balcony and I have not run the vacuum all year. I think I am turning into a sloth. On the upside....I have watched 26hours of NCIS re-runs that I saved to the PVR. Mark Harmon is still cute.
Perhaps the motivation will come to me when I run out of clean underwear (of which I have 45 pair) and the crud on the floor gets to the point where my feet stick to the carpet when I walk or the carpet becomes crunchy. I guess this is one experiment that will just have to play itself out before I know the reults - my tipping point for motivation.
Well, stay tuned for more exciting adventures - let you know if I ever have any more
I met the boyfriend of my youngest child this weekend. I had invited them both to lunch at White Spot in order to meet this young man and to offer him a modicum of protection in being in a public place.
The boy already had a couple of points in his favor - he is gainfully employed in a job he likes and has no visible tattoos or piercings.
He was almost painfully shy as he shook my hand and it was shaking. He admitted his nervousness. I liked it.
Suddenly, my child leaves the table for the restroom. We are alone. I start the boyfriend drill - where are you from? Where did you grow up? who are your parents? Where do they live? Do you like them? How often do you see them? Do they work? Where? Where did you meet my child? When? Do you prefer beef or fish? (just to throw him off his game a little). What is your 5 year plan? this is the question where everything went sideways.
BF: My 5 year plan includes your daughter.
ME: Huh?
BF: I would like your permission to marry her
ME: Huh?
BF: I want to marry your daughter
ME: Why?
BF: Why?
ME: That's what I asked. Why do you want to marry her?
BF: Because I love her
ME: Why?
BF: Why what?
ME: Why do you love her?
BF: Because she makes me happy and I love everything about her
ME: Do you think that is a good enough reason to get married?
BF: Yes, I love her.
ME: Can you support her? And I just don't mean financially.
BF: Yes and any family we have. I never turn down hours to work
Well, knock me over with a feather
ME: When do you want to get married? Tomorrow?
BF: Later
My child returned to the table with WELL???????? What was I to say? I just smiled and said, given he is the best of the bunch to date, I am ok with it.
I guess I am getting a second son-in-law. Wonder when that will be? Does this mean that I now have an expanded christmas list? Hope he likes things from Target.
On another note, I am un-motivated so far this year. My accomplishment to date - I have reached level 36 on my blackberry Brickbreaker game. That's it. I have no motivation for anything else. My christmas tree still stands like a beacon in my living room. I am now thinking that it actually works as a well decorated plant and looks good in the corner. The Christmas lights still hang from my balcony and I have not run the vacuum all year. I think I am turning into a sloth. On the upside....I have watched 26hours of NCIS re-runs that I saved to the PVR. Mark Harmon is still cute.
Perhaps the motivation will come to me when I run out of clean underwear (of which I have 45 pair) and the crud on the floor gets to the point where my feet stick to the carpet when I walk or the carpet becomes crunchy. I guess this is one experiment that will just have to play itself out before I know the reults - my tipping point for motivation.
Well, stay tuned for more exciting adventures - let you know if I ever have any more
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Might Have Spoken Too Soon
I still think 2013 will be lucky. I think I have just had a bit of a rocky start.
I found my glasses - by stepping on them. I got them repaired on friday. And then they fell out of my purse and I backed over them with my car.
I went shopping and found a beautiful rib eye steak - on sale. It has been a very long time since I enjoyed a good steak. I brought it home and was looking forward to a great meal including cauliflower with cheese sauce and a small serving of scalloped potatoes.
I decided that I would dredge my steak in flour with some steak spice and slow cook it. My mouth was watering. I made my cheese sauce and prepared my place setting at the table. I had my book all set up and was looking forward to a great meal. I even have special steak knives that I used to lovingly cut my first piece of meat off a perfectly prepared rib eye. I closed my eyes to savor the moment.
As I chewed my eyes popped open in surprise. This was a surprisingly sweet piece of meat. Turns out, without my glasses, I had accidently dredged with sugar instead of flour. Steak spice and sugar do not mix. The cauliflower was fine but the potatoes burned while I was trying to figure out what went wrong with my steak. This reminded me of the other time I was not able to eat a rib eye.
I had a road trip to Whitehorse a couple of years ago and went for a business dinner to a place where I was assured I would recieve "the best steak ever eaten." I was suspicious. This was Whitehorse and the assurance came from someone who also told me the weather was mild (only -22).
I ordered my favorite steak - again assured I would love it. When it arrived 52 minutes later I sat looking at what appeared to be a rib eye totally encased in some sort of crust. I cut into it and closed my eyes to savor it. OMG!!!!!!
The first sense was that of a mouth full of very small pebbles. The second sense was a taste of coffee. I hate coffee. The third sense was I had a mouth full of dirt and garbage. This actually made sense as it was explained to me as I spit my full mouth, as delicately as possible, into a napkin, that the "secret" to the chef's "best steak ever" was in fact to roll it in used coffee grounds and to use the coffee for the Au Jus. EWWWWW. Who ruins a perfectly good steak by rolling it in kitchen garbage first? Used coffee grounds are only suitable for compost.
For the pleasure of being served garbage, I got charged $68. Perhaps they import beef to the Yukon by pack mule.
I still think that that 13 will be lucky for me. I got the bad luck out of the way in the first week. Perhaps I should buy a lottery ticket. It should all be good going forward now.
Stay tuned for lucky stories.
I found my glasses - by stepping on them. I got them repaired on friday. And then they fell out of my purse and I backed over them with my car.
I went shopping and found a beautiful rib eye steak - on sale. It has been a very long time since I enjoyed a good steak. I brought it home and was looking forward to a great meal including cauliflower with cheese sauce and a small serving of scalloped potatoes.
I decided that I would dredge my steak in flour with some steak spice and slow cook it. My mouth was watering. I made my cheese sauce and prepared my place setting at the table. I had my book all set up and was looking forward to a great meal. I even have special steak knives that I used to lovingly cut my first piece of meat off a perfectly prepared rib eye. I closed my eyes to savor the moment.
As I chewed my eyes popped open in surprise. This was a surprisingly sweet piece of meat. Turns out, without my glasses, I had accidently dredged with sugar instead of flour. Steak spice and sugar do not mix. The cauliflower was fine but the potatoes burned while I was trying to figure out what went wrong with my steak. This reminded me of the other time I was not able to eat a rib eye.
I had a road trip to Whitehorse a couple of years ago and went for a business dinner to a place where I was assured I would recieve "the best steak ever eaten." I was suspicious. This was Whitehorse and the assurance came from someone who also told me the weather was mild (only -22).
I ordered my favorite steak - again assured I would love it. When it arrived 52 minutes later I sat looking at what appeared to be a rib eye totally encased in some sort of crust. I cut into it and closed my eyes to savor it. OMG!!!!!!
The first sense was that of a mouth full of very small pebbles. The second sense was a taste of coffee. I hate coffee. The third sense was I had a mouth full of dirt and garbage. This actually made sense as it was explained to me as I spit my full mouth, as delicately as possible, into a napkin, that the "secret" to the chef's "best steak ever" was in fact to roll it in used coffee grounds and to use the coffee for the Au Jus. EWWWWW. Who ruins a perfectly good steak by rolling it in kitchen garbage first? Used coffee grounds are only suitable for compost.
For the pleasure of being served garbage, I got charged $68. Perhaps they import beef to the Yukon by pack mule.
I still think that that 13 will be lucky for me. I got the bad luck out of the way in the first week. Perhaps I should buy a lottery ticket. It should all be good going forward now.
Stay tuned for lucky stories.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Out with 2012 - here comes lucky 13
Well, its the end of the year and I am very happy. This last month has capped off a year that I am happy to see behind me.
On my way home from the office today I passed a sign that made me smile first and then made me think. It was outside a party supply store - "The end of the world was cancelled - its time to party"
I have to say I was a tad disappointed when nothing happened on Dec 21st. Not that I wanted the world to end or anything. I haven't found a boyfriend yet and I am thinking I might like to have one before the world ends. I just wanted a little something, I would have wished for just a change - perhaps like the whole human race sprouts wings at midnight. Would have made for an interesting morning.
I am just happy December is over.
I woke up December 1st hit by a nasty, nasty cold bug that hung on all month. This was capped off by a nasty, nasty bout of flu that hit me boxing day and stayed with me until this morning. I think I lost about 25 pounds (which I am sure will find its way home by mid January).
After a lovely Christmas eve with my favorite wee ones (their parents also showed up - they were driving). It is so much fun with them. This year, they were just as excited to watch me open the chocolates and scarf they got me. I was so wrapped up in making jewellry with Rae, building a tool box out of foam with Lex and playing flying connect 4 with Xavier that I forgot to take pictures. The only down side was dinner. My attempt at a new dish each family meal was again a complete failure. I am done with Yams. Twice now it has failed. However, no one was rushed to emergency this time so perhaps not a complete failure.
Boxing day I awoke feeling not quite right but headed off to the store anyway to check out a laptop. As I was standing there listening to the salesman tell me all about the coolness of a combo laptop and touch pad when all of a sudden I knew that if I did not leave at right that moment I was going to puke on his shoes. Short story - I spent the next three days laying on the couch with a giant bowl throwing-up even sips of water and sending text messages to my oldest daughter letting her know where my Will was and what to do with the china when I died.
It was a rough month.
I am actually looking forward to lucky 13. I am not making any resolutions. No need to. Traditionally, 13 has been a very lucky number for me. On roulette, I usually hit it every once in a while. I went into labour with my youngest on the 13th. My first divorce was final on the 13th. So you see, all I need to do is wait for my luck to change. I am even willing to bet that I will have at least one good road trip where everything goes right. 2013 is gonna be a good one.
My goals for the coming year - less work, more play. Oh yeah, win at least 1mil so play comes easier.
Happy New Year to all my friends and family. It's a lucky year ahead!
Stay tuned
On my way home from the office today I passed a sign that made me smile first and then made me think. It was outside a party supply store - "The end of the world was cancelled - its time to party"
I have to say I was a tad disappointed when nothing happened on Dec 21st. Not that I wanted the world to end or anything. I haven't found a boyfriend yet and I am thinking I might like to have one before the world ends. I just wanted a little something, I would have wished for just a change - perhaps like the whole human race sprouts wings at midnight. Would have made for an interesting morning.
I am just happy December is over.
I woke up December 1st hit by a nasty, nasty cold bug that hung on all month. This was capped off by a nasty, nasty bout of flu that hit me boxing day and stayed with me until this morning. I think I lost about 25 pounds (which I am sure will find its way home by mid January).
After a lovely Christmas eve with my favorite wee ones (their parents also showed up - they were driving). It is so much fun with them. This year, they were just as excited to watch me open the chocolates and scarf they got me. I was so wrapped up in making jewellry with Rae, building a tool box out of foam with Lex and playing flying connect 4 with Xavier that I forgot to take pictures. The only down side was dinner. My attempt at a new dish each family meal was again a complete failure. I am done with Yams. Twice now it has failed. However, no one was rushed to emergency this time so perhaps not a complete failure.
Boxing day I awoke feeling not quite right but headed off to the store anyway to check out a laptop. As I was standing there listening to the salesman tell me all about the coolness of a combo laptop and touch pad when all of a sudden I knew that if I did not leave at right that moment I was going to puke on his shoes. Short story - I spent the next three days laying on the couch with a giant bowl throwing-up even sips of water and sending text messages to my oldest daughter letting her know where my Will was and what to do with the china when I died.
It was a rough month.
I am actually looking forward to lucky 13. I am not making any resolutions. No need to. Traditionally, 13 has been a very lucky number for me. On roulette, I usually hit it every once in a while. I went into labour with my youngest on the 13th. My first divorce was final on the 13th. So you see, all I need to do is wait for my luck to change. I am even willing to bet that I will have at least one good road trip where everything goes right. 2013 is gonna be a good one.
My goals for the coming year - less work, more play. Oh yeah, win at least 1mil so play comes easier.
Happy New Year to all my friends and family. It's a lucky year ahead!
Stay tuned
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
A Rose, A Bloom and a Shattered Dream
For about 5 years I have had a secret crush on a man I have known professionally for quite some time now. No one knew about it until......I attended a function with friends and he happened to be there. Still, I said nothing. However, it turns out I am a bit of an idiot where this man is involved and unbeknownst to me, I turned into a teenage girl - complete with giggling and running away as soon as I came close to speaking with him outside of the confines of work. My friends, after wondering if I had in fact just had an aneurysm, figured it out. "You have a crush on him!!! OMG!!! Why didn't you say so???" These words were yelled out loud for all to hear. Wonder why I never mentioned it.
That was last year. Fast forward to another function last week. I refused to behave as I did last time and face the ridicule of my friends. I would stand and face him and behave like an adult or die trying. With wine glass in hand, I sat down beside him and started a conversation. I was cool. I was calm. I laughed in all the right places. 20 minutes later I was done. My dream had died and I was gently tapping my friend (out of his line of sight) to get me outta here.
He was the rose and his bloom fell off the stem and along with it my girlish crush. Not exactly sure what happened. It might be that he just started to speak and that was it. It might be that the fantasy of my dream was much better than the reality. I felt deflated. What the hell is wrong with me that I am destined to spend my life alone except for the house full of cats and rocking chairs? Can't be that I am too picky - let us not forget I have been married twice - to men who, kindly put, were not the sharpest knives in the drawer. I wasn't picky then. Perhaps the term now should be persnickety. I have let my old age creep in and take over. Pretty soon I will be carrying hard candies in my sweater and rolled up kleenex in my sleeve. Nice image.
On the upside, I had a date with my favorite wee man on Friday night. We watched a movie and ate junk food. The following morning we went shopping downtown as he had $4 that was burning a hole in his pocket and he simply HAD to go to the dollar store. Afterwards we picked up his sisters so they could help me decorate the tree in time for the Santa parade on Sunday. I have attached a photo of the tree for you. It appears to be leaning a little south and is somewhat bottom heavy.
We never made it to the parade. It was raining and the thought of sitting on a sidewalk in the rain was not appealing so we went to a movie instead. Turns out it stopped raining moments after we set foot in the theatre.
After the movie the real fun began. I raced the children home as I had a very short time to get to the airport for a quick trip to Edmonton (is there any other kind?). I arrived at the airport at 6pm for my 7:30 flight.
I was still waiting for my flight at 8:15 when the fire alarm in the airport went off followed by the announcement "Please be aware the fire alarm has been activated somewhere in the terminal. We will keep you informed." Oddly, we all just sat there doing nothing. This act was repeated 4 more times. During that time frame, Air Canada also announced that we would now be delayed until 8:45pm. At 9:10pm they again announced the delay with the additional info "we are searching for pilots for your flight. We will keep you posted." Hmm, what the heck happened to our pilots? Was this the new Air Canada and I had inadvertently been booked on a seat sale where the first to board also gets to fly the plane? At 10:15pm another announcement was made - "We have located pilots from another flight who will be making their way to our gate to ensure we make it to Edmonton. They live in the area so should be here soon."
The waiting area was about to revolt. I was hungry. I went in search of food. Most places were closed by this time but I did manage to find a sandwich place in the international area (which apparently I was not supposed to be in). For $16.90 I was able to purchase a chicken salad sandwich and a cup of grapes.
Fast forward...I landed in Edmonton shortly after 1am - in a blizzard. My cab driver took me to the wrong hotel and left before we figured it out. My next cabbie got me to the right hotel just moments before the clock struck 2am. I no longer had feeling in my feet.
My alarm was set for 6:30am so that I could be in my meeting for 8am.
The day whizzed by with the help of 4 cups of tea and 3 diet cokes (I hate pop but needed the caffiene). Round about 3:30pm, I was asked "don't you have to be at the airport?" "Yep, but I don't have to leave until 3pm as my flight is at 5pm". Turns out my laptop did not change time with the zone change. Try getting a cab in Edmonton after a blizzard drops 6" of snow on the ground. Once again I was to play OJ through the airport.
It would not be as simple as getting a cab, getting to the airport, get through security and board my plane. I got the cab, I made it to the airport with 20 minutes to spare....that is until....it happened. The cabbie broke my briefcase. He lifted it from the trunk by the rolling handle rather than the regular handles. I love this briefcase. It was a birthday gift from my dad and his wife. It is beautiful black leather and it is on wheels. It goes with me everywhere and is so much easier than hefting a big bulky thing weighted down with reports, binders and laptop through airports. I was so pissed off that my voice went up a number of octaves and I threatened to punch him right in his ovaries. This was after he offered to relieve me of my US cash before heading through customs on my way to Vancouver. I had asked him where he thought Vancouver was. He was not exactly sure but figured I needed my passport to get there. How long have you been in Canada I asked. 25 years. He deserved to be punched.
Needless to say, with my voice raised it caught the attention of the Edmonton airport cop on duty. He made me calm down or face the consequences. He assured me it would not be worth being charged with battery and he was pretty sure the cabbie did not have any ovaries.
I made it to my gate with what should have been seconds to spare. Turns out those seconds were the equivalent of 2 hours. They were out of deicing fluid. Of course they were.
I crawled through my front door - almost on my hands and knees at 9:30pm last night. On the brightside, my brother was able to fix my briefcase. Only good thing of the whole trip.
I am off to Campbell River tomorrow for 2 days. Becoming a Walmart Greeter is looking better and better.
Here is my tree.
Not sure who's head is in the picture. Kids don't believe in decorating the back side.
That was last year. Fast forward to another function last week. I refused to behave as I did last time and face the ridicule of my friends. I would stand and face him and behave like an adult or die trying. With wine glass in hand, I sat down beside him and started a conversation. I was cool. I was calm. I laughed in all the right places. 20 minutes later I was done. My dream had died and I was gently tapping my friend (out of his line of sight) to get me outta here.
He was the rose and his bloom fell off the stem and along with it my girlish crush. Not exactly sure what happened. It might be that he just started to speak and that was it. It might be that the fantasy of my dream was much better than the reality. I felt deflated. What the hell is wrong with me that I am destined to spend my life alone except for the house full of cats and rocking chairs? Can't be that I am too picky - let us not forget I have been married twice - to men who, kindly put, were not the sharpest knives in the drawer. I wasn't picky then. Perhaps the term now should be persnickety. I have let my old age creep in and take over. Pretty soon I will be carrying hard candies in my sweater and rolled up kleenex in my sleeve. Nice image.
On the upside, I had a date with my favorite wee man on Friday night. We watched a movie and ate junk food. The following morning we went shopping downtown as he had $4 that was burning a hole in his pocket and he simply HAD to go to the dollar store. Afterwards we picked up his sisters so they could help me decorate the tree in time for the Santa parade on Sunday. I have attached a photo of the tree for you. It appears to be leaning a little south and is somewhat bottom heavy.
We never made it to the parade. It was raining and the thought of sitting on a sidewalk in the rain was not appealing so we went to a movie instead. Turns out it stopped raining moments after we set foot in the theatre.
After the movie the real fun began. I raced the children home as I had a very short time to get to the airport for a quick trip to Edmonton (is there any other kind?). I arrived at the airport at 6pm for my 7:30 flight.
I was still waiting for my flight at 8:15 when the fire alarm in the airport went off followed by the announcement "Please be aware the fire alarm has been activated somewhere in the terminal. We will keep you informed." Oddly, we all just sat there doing nothing. This act was repeated 4 more times. During that time frame, Air Canada also announced that we would now be delayed until 8:45pm. At 9:10pm they again announced the delay with the additional info "we are searching for pilots for your flight. We will keep you posted." Hmm, what the heck happened to our pilots? Was this the new Air Canada and I had inadvertently been booked on a seat sale where the first to board also gets to fly the plane? At 10:15pm another announcement was made - "We have located pilots from another flight who will be making their way to our gate to ensure we make it to Edmonton. They live in the area so should be here soon."
The waiting area was about to revolt. I was hungry. I went in search of food. Most places were closed by this time but I did manage to find a sandwich place in the international area (which apparently I was not supposed to be in). For $16.90 I was able to purchase a chicken salad sandwich and a cup of grapes.
Fast forward...I landed in Edmonton shortly after 1am - in a blizzard. My cab driver took me to the wrong hotel and left before we figured it out. My next cabbie got me to the right hotel just moments before the clock struck 2am. I no longer had feeling in my feet.
My alarm was set for 6:30am so that I could be in my meeting for 8am.
The day whizzed by with the help of 4 cups of tea and 3 diet cokes (I hate pop but needed the caffiene). Round about 3:30pm, I was asked "don't you have to be at the airport?" "Yep, but I don't have to leave until 3pm as my flight is at 5pm". Turns out my laptop did not change time with the zone change. Try getting a cab in Edmonton after a blizzard drops 6" of snow on the ground. Once again I was to play OJ through the airport.
It would not be as simple as getting a cab, getting to the airport, get through security and board my plane. I got the cab, I made it to the airport with 20 minutes to spare....that is until....it happened. The cabbie broke my briefcase. He lifted it from the trunk by the rolling handle rather than the regular handles. I love this briefcase. It was a birthday gift from my dad and his wife. It is beautiful black leather and it is on wheels. It goes with me everywhere and is so much easier than hefting a big bulky thing weighted down with reports, binders and laptop through airports. I was so pissed off that my voice went up a number of octaves and I threatened to punch him right in his ovaries. This was after he offered to relieve me of my US cash before heading through customs on my way to Vancouver. I had asked him where he thought Vancouver was. He was not exactly sure but figured I needed my passport to get there. How long have you been in Canada I asked. 25 years. He deserved to be punched.
Needless to say, with my voice raised it caught the attention of the Edmonton airport cop on duty. He made me calm down or face the consequences. He assured me it would not be worth being charged with battery and he was pretty sure the cabbie did not have any ovaries.
I made it to my gate with what should have been seconds to spare. Turns out those seconds were the equivalent of 2 hours. They were out of deicing fluid. Of course they were.
I crawled through my front door - almost on my hands and knees at 9:30pm last night. On the brightside, my brother was able to fix my briefcase. Only good thing of the whole trip.
I am off to Campbell River tomorrow for 2 days. Becoming a Walmart Greeter is looking better and better.
Here is my tree.
Not sure who's head is in the picture. Kids don't believe in decorating the back side.Sunday, November 25, 2012
The Real Test of Survival
Is Target right after they open for Black Friday shoppers.
Here is my tale of survival.
I crossed the border without incident in the early morning hours of Thursday, November 22nd. That in itself was oddly disconcerting. As I drove away I was left wondering what just happened. No border guard ordered me out of my vehicle, inspected my underwear for weapons or grilled me on my intentions. I was confused. This was a new experience for me. I made my way to the Spa to enjoy a massage and to kill a few hours before check-in at the hotel where my shopping experiences would begin at 10pm that evening.
Mid afternoon I made my way to my hotel in Burlington just an hour or so from the Border and checked in. I settled in and went in search of food. It was not to be had. It was the US Thanksgiving holiday and the streets were dark. I ended up having a dinner of candy dispenser junk food. Stale junk food.
I left my hotel at 9:30pm and started to make my way as per the directions of the desk clerk - "the outlet mall you seek is about 15 minutes down the road on the right hand side - you can't miss it". I headed out the doors into the dark, windy and rainy night in search of the outlet mall armed with a list and the sizes of my grandchildren.
After driving for about 12minutes I noticed the bright lights of Target and people going in to the store. I thought this was the outlet mall and Target was part of it. I found a parking spot and ran towards the store as the rain was coming down sideways and the wind was almost knocking me over.
I was deceived right from the start. There was no line up of people so I thought I was doing pretty good......until I actually stepped more that 3 feet into the store. It was utter maddness. I had never experienced anything like this before. I felt the walls closing in around me as screaming children, angry husbands and demanding women were pushing and shoving and in a hurry with their baskets and buggy's overflowing with goods.
Since there were no baskets left, I grabbed a couple of gift bags off the shelf and started to wade into the fray as I headed to the children's department in search of deals. I must admit, it was pretty good. The deals on kids clothes were quite remarkable. As were the deals I found on household items (I cannot mention them here as those reading might be the recipients of those deals). However, after about 30 minutes I could not go on any longer. I had only made it to one corner of the store and I had to leave. The experience was sucking the life right out of me and I had to escape. Having gotten totally disoriented and quite frankly, a little frightened, I tried to make my way to the check-out counter. I had no idea where it was so I stopped the first clerk I found and he took me to the end of an aisle and told me this is where the line started. It was aisle 33C.
As I began my winding journey through Target's maze of aisles in search of a check out, I mentioned aloud that I suppose I could handle the wait through 33 aisles. The lady in front of me laughed. She said I was in section C and still had to wade through the aisles in Sections B & A before I could make my escape. OMG!!! Was she kidding? Was it going to be worth it?
We started a pool. You could get in for a loony. We were betting on the time I would be at the front of the line and headed to my car. It began at 10:40pm. As we wound our way up and down each aisle I continued my shopping. I got wrapping paper, christmas candy, a book, some make-up and a few other odds and ends. THEN we arrived in the booze aisle. We had been in line for about an hour. Someone grabbed a bottle and cracked it open. It got passed down the line. I grabbed a bottle of water and drank it in almost one fell swoop. Another 15 minutes and we made it to the hard liquor aisle. A bottle of vodka found its way down the aisle as well as a bottle of orange juice, These avid, industrious shoppers were mixing the drink right in their mouths before passing it along. We were a pretty happy bunch by the time we made it to aisle 25B. However, after the bottle of water I had to pee. I had no idea where the bathroom was and no way was I going to start this line all over again if I left it now. Plus, I would lose my loony. I had to hold it in and do the pee pee dance the rest of the way.
A guy tried to cut in line - first about 10 people ahead of me and when that did not work, behind me. Women are mean. I thought this group of rather overly "healthy", rubenesque women were going to snap him like a twig. I wonder what happened to him.
I lost the pool. I had figured I would be at the front of the line by midnight. I made it to my car by 1:20am. I spent $248 and had 6 bags of goodies.
Turns out, I was not at the outlet mall. After asking questions as to it's location, I headed south in search of the elusive bastion of deals. I went about a block when I noticed a sign that said MALL (turns out the upper portion of the sign was burnt out otherwise I might have noticed this was also NOT the outlet mall). I pulled in and right away noticed MACY's. Cool.
Things were not as wacky here. I think the longest I waited in line was about 10 min. People were more refined here. There was no pushing and shoving. No yelling and name calling. I found some more good deals.
I headed back to my hotel about 2:30 in the morning having given up on the outlet mall. I was exhausted and hungry. I would try again in the morning when it was light out and I could actually see where I was going.
I was woken up at about 10:45am by the sounds of knocking on the door by housekeeping. Holy crap! I slept in. I had only 15 minutes to check out or my card would be charged for an extra night. I was racing around in a bit of a daze packing and brushing my teeth and hair at the same time. By the way, do not try this at home. I almost lost my left eyeball.
I found the elusive outlet mall first try. Turns out I was so close the night before - less than a block. I found a couple of my best deals at this mall, It was so cool (again, cannot say what I got lest those who will be in reciept of said deals is reading this). After a few more hours of shopping I was done. I had no more energy and my credit and debit cards were almost on fire from the number of times they had been swiped,
Late afternoon and I was on my way to the Spa/Casino again where I was to meet up with my aunt and cousin for dinner. It was great and we had a real nice visit. We had a nice evening and met again for my birthday breakfast before I headed to the border. After a brief stop at the Duty Free store for my bottle of Bailey's, I drove right up to the guard. Again confusion ensued. He askd where I had been and for how long before letting me pass right through. What on earth was going on? What was happening? Had the world gone nuts in the last 48 hours? How come I was not subject to my usual security checks? It must of been because of my birthday. I am sure that my next crossing attempt will make up for it and I will be back where I normally am being searched and patted down. All will once again be right with the world.
I was home by noon exhausted but pleased with my purchases.
I am such a party animal that I spent my birthday napping on the couch and sharing a chinese food dinner with my brother before heading to bed at 9pm.
I was a good wee holiday but remind me to NEVER see the inside of a Target store on black friday again.
I still have two days of holiday left. I plan on doing laundry and buying groceries and finding hiding places for my purchases which right now are piled up in the hallway and my bedroom so deep that I can barely move. However, they have to be hidden before the wee ones come over next weekend. It is the Santa parade again and time for help putting up my tree.
I will keep you posted on the happenings of the annual santa time.
Here is my tale of survival.
I crossed the border without incident in the early morning hours of Thursday, November 22nd. That in itself was oddly disconcerting. As I drove away I was left wondering what just happened. No border guard ordered me out of my vehicle, inspected my underwear for weapons or grilled me on my intentions. I was confused. This was a new experience for me. I made my way to the Spa to enjoy a massage and to kill a few hours before check-in at the hotel where my shopping experiences would begin at 10pm that evening.
Mid afternoon I made my way to my hotel in Burlington just an hour or so from the Border and checked in. I settled in and went in search of food. It was not to be had. It was the US Thanksgiving holiday and the streets were dark. I ended up having a dinner of candy dispenser junk food. Stale junk food.
I left my hotel at 9:30pm and started to make my way as per the directions of the desk clerk - "the outlet mall you seek is about 15 minutes down the road on the right hand side - you can't miss it". I headed out the doors into the dark, windy and rainy night in search of the outlet mall armed with a list and the sizes of my grandchildren.
After driving for about 12minutes I noticed the bright lights of Target and people going in to the store. I thought this was the outlet mall and Target was part of it. I found a parking spot and ran towards the store as the rain was coming down sideways and the wind was almost knocking me over.
I was deceived right from the start. There was no line up of people so I thought I was doing pretty good......until I actually stepped more that 3 feet into the store. It was utter maddness. I had never experienced anything like this before. I felt the walls closing in around me as screaming children, angry husbands and demanding women were pushing and shoving and in a hurry with their baskets and buggy's overflowing with goods.
Since there were no baskets left, I grabbed a couple of gift bags off the shelf and started to wade into the fray as I headed to the children's department in search of deals. I must admit, it was pretty good. The deals on kids clothes were quite remarkable. As were the deals I found on household items (I cannot mention them here as those reading might be the recipients of those deals). However, after about 30 minutes I could not go on any longer. I had only made it to one corner of the store and I had to leave. The experience was sucking the life right out of me and I had to escape. Having gotten totally disoriented and quite frankly, a little frightened, I tried to make my way to the check-out counter. I had no idea where it was so I stopped the first clerk I found and he took me to the end of an aisle and told me this is where the line started. It was aisle 33C.
As I began my winding journey through Target's maze of aisles in search of a check out, I mentioned aloud that I suppose I could handle the wait through 33 aisles. The lady in front of me laughed. She said I was in section C and still had to wade through the aisles in Sections B & A before I could make my escape. OMG!!! Was she kidding? Was it going to be worth it?
We started a pool. You could get in for a loony. We were betting on the time I would be at the front of the line and headed to my car. It began at 10:40pm. As we wound our way up and down each aisle I continued my shopping. I got wrapping paper, christmas candy, a book, some make-up and a few other odds and ends. THEN we arrived in the booze aisle. We had been in line for about an hour. Someone grabbed a bottle and cracked it open. It got passed down the line. I grabbed a bottle of water and drank it in almost one fell swoop. Another 15 minutes and we made it to the hard liquor aisle. A bottle of vodka found its way down the aisle as well as a bottle of orange juice, These avid, industrious shoppers were mixing the drink right in their mouths before passing it along. We were a pretty happy bunch by the time we made it to aisle 25B. However, after the bottle of water I had to pee. I had no idea where the bathroom was and no way was I going to start this line all over again if I left it now. Plus, I would lose my loony. I had to hold it in and do the pee pee dance the rest of the way.
A guy tried to cut in line - first about 10 people ahead of me and when that did not work, behind me. Women are mean. I thought this group of rather overly "healthy", rubenesque women were going to snap him like a twig. I wonder what happened to him.
I lost the pool. I had figured I would be at the front of the line by midnight. I made it to my car by 1:20am. I spent $248 and had 6 bags of goodies.
Turns out, I was not at the outlet mall. After asking questions as to it's location, I headed south in search of the elusive bastion of deals. I went about a block when I noticed a sign that said MALL (turns out the upper portion of the sign was burnt out otherwise I might have noticed this was also NOT the outlet mall). I pulled in and right away noticed MACY's. Cool.
Things were not as wacky here. I think the longest I waited in line was about 10 min. People were more refined here. There was no pushing and shoving. No yelling and name calling. I found some more good deals.
I headed back to my hotel about 2:30 in the morning having given up on the outlet mall. I was exhausted and hungry. I would try again in the morning when it was light out and I could actually see where I was going.
I was woken up at about 10:45am by the sounds of knocking on the door by housekeeping. Holy crap! I slept in. I had only 15 minutes to check out or my card would be charged for an extra night. I was racing around in a bit of a daze packing and brushing my teeth and hair at the same time. By the way, do not try this at home. I almost lost my left eyeball.
I found the elusive outlet mall first try. Turns out I was so close the night before - less than a block. I found a couple of my best deals at this mall, It was so cool (again, cannot say what I got lest those who will be in reciept of said deals is reading this). After a few more hours of shopping I was done. I had no more energy and my credit and debit cards were almost on fire from the number of times they had been swiped,
Late afternoon and I was on my way to the Spa/Casino again where I was to meet up with my aunt and cousin for dinner. It was great and we had a real nice visit. We had a nice evening and met again for my birthday breakfast before I headed to the border. After a brief stop at the Duty Free store for my bottle of Bailey's, I drove right up to the guard. Again confusion ensued. He askd where I had been and for how long before letting me pass right through. What on earth was going on? What was happening? Had the world gone nuts in the last 48 hours? How come I was not subject to my usual security checks? It must of been because of my birthday. I am sure that my next crossing attempt will make up for it and I will be back where I normally am being searched and patted down. All will once again be right with the world.
I was home by noon exhausted but pleased with my purchases.
I am such a party animal that I spent my birthday napping on the couch and sharing a chinese food dinner with my brother before heading to bed at 9pm.
I was a good wee holiday but remind me to NEVER see the inside of a Target store on black friday again.
I still have two days of holiday left. I plan on doing laundry and buying groceries and finding hiding places for my purchases which right now are piled up in the hallway and my bedroom so deep that I can barely move. However, they have to be hidden before the wee ones come over next weekend. It is the Santa parade again and time for help putting up my tree.
I will keep you posted on the happenings of the annual santa time.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Learned a valuable lesson
Well, I returned safe and sound from another week long trek across the country. It took me 2 days to warm up from my time in the prairies.
Toronto was wierdly warm. Winnipeg was cold and snowy. Regina was cold, clear and snowy. I was cold, cranky & freezing with a perpetually runny nose. When I arrived at each of my meetings I was met with scorn and derision as I shivered through each one. It turns out it was not even the cold season yet and I was what they considered a wuss. Is it really my fault that I have become aclimatized to the wet and rain of the west coast? I do not even own winter boots or coat. However, I have three trench coats and enough umbrellas to cover my entire family.
I considered this trip a success. Aside from the standard searches in the airports, I made every flight - and they were on time. The only issue came on my flight from Toronto to Winnipeg.
First let me say that I do accept full responsiblity for what happened. This is where I learned my lesson. Keep my mouth shut.
I made my way to my seat on the plane and found myself sitting next to a Rabbi. He was in the middle seat and I had the window. He asked me to trade places. I said no as this was my only flight with a window seat and I wanted to be in it. This started the discussion. I cannot prove that the next 2 hours was a result of my refusal to change seats but I have my suspicions.
Was I aware of how the Jews were treated during world war 2? Did I know that the oil that burned for 8 days came about just because the original oil was unclean? Do I know what the 7 sins are? Do I understand what it means to live Kosher? Do I pray on a regular basis? Do I go to church? It went on for quite sometime with me just smiling and nodding. Round about when he began on the promised land and what is happening in the middle east, I think I snapped. I said "isn't it so sad that the number one cause of death on the planet happens to be religion? "
Picture a 60ish full orthodox Rabbi pulling out a prayer robe and his prayer book and go all red in the face before turning to me and exclaiming "Surely you are not accusing my people of causing the misfortune of everyone on the planet due to our religion! Because let me tell you young lady (liked that part) we have faced persecution throughout history and survived." On the upside, I finally got to put my earphones on and watch a little TV but not before the flight attendent asked if either of us wanted to change seats. OY Vey!
I really did not mean to start a religious battle in row 13, seat F. I just made a little comment.
It took me 2 days to warm up and refresh from an exhausting trip but I was good as gold by Sunday so I headed out to meet a friend I had not seen in a long time so that we could enjoy a nice long lunch. Back to the office on Monday to try to cram in everything I had to do before taking time for a wee break.
I am now officially off on holiday until next Wednesday. I am going to do Black Friday again this year. I have my hotel in Burlington reserved and plan to arrive mid afternoon on Thursday. I have a map of a nearby outlet mall, printed off some coupons and will be ready to go by 10pm that night when they open. The following night I will be back at the Silver Reef. I plan on spending my birthday on Saturday enjoying a full body massage and facial (assuming of course I did no blow everything on Friday). I will return home Saturday night in time to order in a birthday dinner of chinese food which, if my brother behaves and does not mention my age, I shall share with him. I had also planned on purchasing one cupcake and putting a candle in it while singing happy birthday to me but decided that was rather pathetic. Instead I am going to order a whole cake.
I will then take a couple of extra days off to recover from I hope will be a whopper of a black friday blow-out. I will keep you posted on what happens.
By the way, in case anyone was wondering what happened to my coffee date a few weeks back.......it never happened. He cancelled. This was not my fault. He "apparently" got into a car accident. Still not my fault.
Stay tuned. I will keep you posted as to what happens on my wee holiday
Toronto was wierdly warm. Winnipeg was cold and snowy. Regina was cold, clear and snowy. I was cold, cranky & freezing with a perpetually runny nose. When I arrived at each of my meetings I was met with scorn and derision as I shivered through each one. It turns out it was not even the cold season yet and I was what they considered a wuss. Is it really my fault that I have become aclimatized to the wet and rain of the west coast? I do not even own winter boots or coat. However, I have three trench coats and enough umbrellas to cover my entire family.
I considered this trip a success. Aside from the standard searches in the airports, I made every flight - and they were on time. The only issue came on my flight from Toronto to Winnipeg.
First let me say that I do accept full responsiblity for what happened. This is where I learned my lesson. Keep my mouth shut.
I made my way to my seat on the plane and found myself sitting next to a Rabbi. He was in the middle seat and I had the window. He asked me to trade places. I said no as this was my only flight with a window seat and I wanted to be in it. This started the discussion. I cannot prove that the next 2 hours was a result of my refusal to change seats but I have my suspicions.
Was I aware of how the Jews were treated during world war 2? Did I know that the oil that burned for 8 days came about just because the original oil was unclean? Do I know what the 7 sins are? Do I understand what it means to live Kosher? Do I pray on a regular basis? Do I go to church? It went on for quite sometime with me just smiling and nodding. Round about when he began on the promised land and what is happening in the middle east, I think I snapped. I said "isn't it so sad that the number one cause of death on the planet happens to be religion? "
Picture a 60ish full orthodox Rabbi pulling out a prayer robe and his prayer book and go all red in the face before turning to me and exclaiming "Surely you are not accusing my people of causing the misfortune of everyone on the planet due to our religion! Because let me tell you young lady (liked that part) we have faced persecution throughout history and survived." On the upside, I finally got to put my earphones on and watch a little TV but not before the flight attendent asked if either of us wanted to change seats. OY Vey!
I really did not mean to start a religious battle in row 13, seat F. I just made a little comment.
It took me 2 days to warm up and refresh from an exhausting trip but I was good as gold by Sunday so I headed out to meet a friend I had not seen in a long time so that we could enjoy a nice long lunch. Back to the office on Monday to try to cram in everything I had to do before taking time for a wee break.
I am now officially off on holiday until next Wednesday. I am going to do Black Friday again this year. I have my hotel in Burlington reserved and plan to arrive mid afternoon on Thursday. I have a map of a nearby outlet mall, printed off some coupons and will be ready to go by 10pm that night when they open. The following night I will be back at the Silver Reef. I plan on spending my birthday on Saturday enjoying a full body massage and facial (assuming of course I did no blow everything on Friday). I will return home Saturday night in time to order in a birthday dinner of chinese food which, if my brother behaves and does not mention my age, I shall share with him. I had also planned on purchasing one cupcake and putting a candle in it while singing happy birthday to me but decided that was rather pathetic. Instead I am going to order a whole cake.
I will then take a couple of extra days off to recover from I hope will be a whopper of a black friday blow-out. I will keep you posted on what happens.
By the way, in case anyone was wondering what happened to my coffee date a few weeks back.......it never happened. He cancelled. This was not my fault. He "apparently" got into a car accident. Still not my fault.
Stay tuned. I will keep you posted as to what happens on my wee holiday
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