Always Be Prepared

I recieved a call at the beginning of the week - " Hi Nannagramma, would you like to make me a cake for my birthday? I want pink and purple."  Who could resist a request like that?

 I am fully aware of my past mistakes and did my best to mitigate them fully.  I hit the grocery store armed with a list of supplies:

2- Betty Crocker, french vanilla cake mixes
1 dozen eggs (already multiplied since I usually only buy a 1/2 doz)
2lbs butter
2lbs icing sugar
1 bottle carpet cleaner ( be prepared - see last cake debacle)

I started early.  The cake was due for 11am Sunday morning.  I started Friday night after work,  If I have learned anything it is to leave a full extra day in case you have certain "unexpected" incidents causing you to begin again.

I got all the ingredients together to begin baking.  I ran into my first road bump but figured I am nothing if not adaptable.  The instructions said "mix together 3 eggs, 1 cup of water and 1/2 cup of vegtable oil".  I only had olive oil.  Olives are a vegtable right?  It all looked alright as I poured the mixture into the cake pans.  After 35 minutes, I opened the oven door to pull out 2 cakes that were about 1/2 inch high.  As I pulled them out, I realized that I needed to get back to the gym and build my arm muscles up again.  I was not expecting the cakes to weigh about 4lbs each.  Turns out olives aren't the right kind of vegtable at all.  Good thing I was prepared.

I started over and this time, I went with my other oil choice - grapeseed oil. Ok, still not vegtable but it is a fruit (isn't it?)  and it was all I had and it is supposed to be good for you.,  The cakes turned out lovely- light and smelled wonderful.  Now, on to the icing.

I found a new butter cream recipe which called for whipping merangue into the butter.  It was wonderful.  It turned out better than I ever thought possible.  I spent Saturday morning decorating the heart shaped cake with pink and purple icing.  I have attached a picture.

I attended Lexi's bowling party this morning along with at 40 other short people wacked out on sugar at 11am on a Sunday.  I was greeted by 6yr old Rae who announced " I just cannot believe that Lex is already 5.  I remember when she was just a baby and she would let me hold her.  Now she is just like a real little person."  Sometimes Rae is a 60 year old woman.

After I finished with the cake Saturday, I went for a walk.  The streets are beautiful right now.  The cherry blossoms are out in full.  The smell is sweet and somehow warming to the soul.  Feels like spring and the renewal is beginning.  I have attached a picture of my street. 

While on my walk, I came across a interesting spectacle.  A man was standing on the corner waiting to cross the street.  He must have been listening to some pretty intense music on his ipod.  He was conducting the orchestra.  His arms were flailing about and he was pointing like he was telling the horn section to 'pick it up'.  I stood and watched him for few minutes and realized this was really no different from me singing aloud to my music only to be told I couldn't carry a tune in my handbag.  Live and let live.

After my walk I decided that since it was such a nice day (relatively speaking), I would hop on my bike and go to the grocery store.  I finished a wee shop, just enough to fit in my backpack without causing me to fall over, and hopped back on my bike.  I had just finished crossing the street and headed towards home when this yaboo decides to pull a u-turn from the curb.  My bike tire clipped his bumper and I went backwards off my bike.  Thankfully, I had my handy dandy helmut on or I would have found myself explaining, once again, the my favorite emergency room doctors that I had indeed fallen down again and this time cracked my skull instead of the favorite rib. 

The idiots defence: " I am so sorry, I didn't see you there." "No shit, wonderbread, you didn't look over your shoulder. How could you not see me? I am a rubenesque woman wearing a bright pink shirt and a pink and white helmut on a giant black bike (I can barely reach the ground when sitting on it). Who the hell taught you how to drive - a 5 year old on a tricylce? If you want to feel better for knocking an old lady to the ground, come a little closer and I will kick you in the family jewels so hard that your father will feel it."



He decided to get back in his car and leave. I hobbled home and had a nap.

Well, getting ready for another big road trip. I know y'all are jealouis of my jet setting nlife style as I head off to Edmonton, Calgary, Regina and Winnipeg. 9 meetings in 5 days. I am then going to take a few days off to locate the part of my brain that I obviously misplaced when I took this job.



Stay tuned. I am starting to feel like my life is one giant Bugs Bunny cartoon.

Ahh - the high life

I am back from another road trip.  On the upside, none of my teeth fell out.  On the downside, it snowed.

I am such a jet setter.  This trip was to Calgary and Red Deer, Alberta.  I get to go to all the hot spots.  I know I am the envy of all my friends.  I get to stay in crappy hotels and eat crappy food while running from one location to the next with GPS systems that hate me.

I arrived in Calgary all safe and sound but not before I was stopped at security in Vancouver for the obligatory pat down and evil eye.  I managed to make my way to the plane and board with seconds to spare.  After getting through baggage claim with no damage to my brand new suitcase, I made my way to the rental car counter to see what gift they had waiting for me.  I was not disappointed. 

Renting cars has become a bit of a gamble for me.  And since I am such a gambler, I look forward to seeing what surprise will be waiting for me.  There was the electric car that took me 20 minutes to figure out how to start.  There was the SUV with push button start but no one told me where the button was.  There was the car that came with a key chain that retracted the key after you took it from the ignition and no one told me how to get it back out.  I could go on but you get the gist.  I always allow an extra 30 minutes before booking a meeting just to try to get aquainted with my car.

This time was extra special.  I was "upgraded" to a Town & Country van with built- in GPS.   I was handed a fob with a panic button and 5 buttons to push.  I arrived at the designated slot and lifted the door handle to the already unlocked drivers door.  I loaded my luggage and sank into the rather plush drivers seat.  I looked at the fob and looked for a key or a slot to put the fob in.  I couldn't quite figure this out.  The fob had a big red PANIC button on the end so obviously that was not a key.  But, being a rather bright blonde, I figured that it must be an electric start - there were five buttons to push.  I pushed the first one - nothing.  I pushed the second - nothing.  I pushed the third and felt a breeze and heard yelling.  The rental guy appeared at my door to inform me that I had opened both side doors and the rear door and put on my flashers.  Was I ok?

Was I OK?  This was beginning to feel like the Keystone Cops.   I had a car with a mind of its own.  I could open all the doors and turn on the hazard lights but I could not start the darn thing.  Turns out the panic button was the starter and it was to be inserted into what looked like a cigarette lighter.  With relief and complete instructions, I headed out to find my way to the other side of Calgary.  GPS hates me.  It kept telling me to make a U-turn at my earliest convenience.  Seems there is lots of construction in Calgary.

The rest of the day went mostly smooth and I returned to the hotel to relax and have dinner.  I walked next door to a pizza joint.and ordered some chicken wings.  Now, I am no expert but I thought the definition of burnt was the same no matter what your location.  However, it seems in Alberta, blackened salt and pepper wings are defined as "oven baked" with a flash fry.  What I recieved were little chunks of charcoal and it took some 'splaining to the waitress that chicken wings should not disintegrate in my hand and leave bits of charcoal on my face. 

Tuesdays meeting went well and I headed on to my next destination - Red Deer.  After further arguments with the GPS lady, I finally found the right highway north.  I arrived on time and in one piece after setting the Panic alarm only once. 

After a quiet evening in my room watching Dancing with the Stars and hoping a fight would break out and a nasty sequin incident would require an ambulance, I awoke in a very cold room.  I hustled across the room wrapped in my blanket to turn the heat on and took a peak out the window.  To what my wonderous eyes should behold me?  A blizzard!  April 18 and I am in a blizzard.  I was not happy.  I was dressed for spring.  Oy Vey.  This did not bode well for my morning meeting.  I tend to be cranky when I am cold.  This year I have been cold since September.

A race back to the Calgary airport, return the car and head through security after a successful morning.  This time was a bit of a treat.  Not only did I get the pat down but I also got the x-ray scan followed by another pat down.  I am starting to look forward to the human contact. 

Ah well, I am home and looking forward to seeing my wee grandkids.  Xavier is healing well and will be back playing lacross soon.  Lexi turns 5 next weekend and I forgot my son-in-laws birthday.  This has been a good month so far.

I am off on another hot spot trip for big time successful executive women in 2 weeks - Edmonton, Calgary, Regina and Winnipeg.  I can actually hear the jealousy seeping from your pores.

Stay tuned for more fun and games.

Happy Easter - or was it???

I had it all planned.  I had an easter egg hunt and dinner all planned out.  It was just waiting for the kids to show up to pull it all together.  I had even managed to follow the same theme as my dinner party and include a brand new recipe.

The ham was in the oven and the house smelled wonderful as I waited for the family to arrive.  A little ahead of schedule, the doorbell rang and my holiday began.  The girls looked pretty excited.  Their brother - not so much.  Perhaps he is getting too old for an egg hunt, I thought.

After everyone was settled, the hunt was on.  It was fun.  This year I was determined that the mistakes of the past would not reappear -  where I was finding hidden eggs days, weeks, even months later.  I had the right count and was pretty sure I made sufficient note as to where they were all hidden.  By the end of the hunt when the eggs were all counted, we were once again short three.  Hmm, not sure what happened and as much as I surreptitiously scoured the house, I could not for the life of me find them.  Oh well, at least it was an equal amount and everyone had the same.

Xavier took part in the hunt but you could tell that his heart just wasn't in it.  He had played lacross earlier in the day and had taken a bit of a hit to his tummy which he said was a little sore.

Well, a good dinner should help that.  We sat down to a nice family dinner of ham, scalloped potatoes, salad, corn and the aforementioned new dish - green bean casserole.  I should clarify, we sat down to everything but the green beans.  They took a while longer.  The potatoes were a hit and I was asked for the recipe by the ex-husband who had joined us.  Not a speck of those potatoes were left.  I had to think quickly...what would be a recipe for scalloped potatoes? 

While my brain was busy trying to cover for the fact that I had used a box of ready made potatoes (add milk, butter, water, empty dried potatoes and dried cheese mixture, stir and bake for 35min), we noticed Xavier really didn't look that good and he asked to lay down.  I took him down to my bedroom and turned on a movie and tucked him in.  While there, I quickly scanned a recipe I could pass off as my own.

The green beans were finally done and I brought them to the table.  Hmm, something did not look right.  They looked like a bunch of green sticks floating in a pool of grey goop.  Not sure what happened here but suddenly everyone was politely full.  Rae asked her dad (when she thought I couldn't hear her) "if I say I am full so I don't have to eat the beans, can I still have dessert?"  Fine - no one wants the beans, I should probably at least taste them myself and see if  I can figure out what I did wrong.  I did not get to the point of swallowing.  That is how bad they were.  Still cannot figure out where I went sideways with this dish - mushroom soup, milk, soy sauce, french fried onion rings.   YUCK!!!!!

Well, dinner could still be salvaged by dessert - blueberry pie and ice cream.  No one finished their pie (its still sitting in my fridge).  It was disgusting.  This time I did admit I did not bake it.  The ice cream was good though.

I took Xavier a dish of ice cream - surely that would make him feel better.  He came upstairs and cuddled me on the couch while admitting that most likely he would feel better if he could just puke.  OH MY GOD!!!  I poisoned my grandson.  It was only a matter of time but I really figured it would be an adult first. 

As time passed, nothing seemed to make him feel better.  As tears gently rolled down his beautiful face, he said it really hurt - even to the touch.  Needless to say, this was very much out of the ordinary for him.  Perhaps he got hit harder than we thought during the earlier game?  Time to take him off to Children's hospital which is thankfully, very close to my house. 

With their brother gone, the girls and I settled in to watch Shrek - 1, 2 & 3.  Rae asked that since Xavier wasn't here to eat his easter candy, maybe he would want them to share it for him so it wouldn't go to waste.  Very nice of her to be so considerate.

Well, as it turned out, the wee man had one very angry appendix and it was removed Sunday afternoon.  The girls stayed with me one night and then we went and spent the second night at their home so I could also look after the dogs.

We pulled in to the drive way at about 9pm on Sunday night.  I was hauling all of their stuff out of the car while trying to keep their dogs at bay so they wouldn't run away.  I suddenly heard it - the click.  The click that comes with an electronic door lock.  Standing beside my car was wee little Lexi telling me not to worry, she had my overnight bag and had locked my car door.  While I certainly appreciate the help and the initiative, I felt the lead in my heart as I looked through the window to view my blackberry, my purse and my car keys all still inside. 

Not sure what bothered me more - the fact that my purse would be outside in the car in plain view of any would be thieves or the fact that I no longer had my blackberry with me.  A bead of sweat started to form on my upper lip.

We made it through the night.  Xavier was being released and sent home on Monday.  Amazing  - the surgery is so simple now.  I would get a second set of keys and be on my way to work where I would come up with an excuse to my boss as to why I did not make the 9am conference call or answer any of the other calls to my phone that morning.  I would explain I was there - I was standing outside the car, listening to my phone ring trying to calculate the cost of breaking my window to release the precious piece of technology only to discover, it s easier to ask forgiveness than come up with $500 for a new drivers side window.

So, that was my holiday weekend.  None of it was my fault. Ok, the beans might have been my fault - but nothing else was.  I did not poison my grandson.

Off to Alberta next week.  Will keep ya'll posted.

It's Spring time

And I have been patiently waiting for spring to be sprung.  I feel like I have been cold since October.  I can hardly wait until I can peel off that extra layer of clothes and scrape off the layer (or 12) of hair that keeps me warm in the winter.  It looks like it might be warming up so I am off to Costco to buy a gross of razors to begin the weed wacking.

I have had lots of wee visitors since we last spoke.  I spent one weekend with just the wee girls where we played at the park, watched movies while eating junk food and had "chish and fips" for dinner.  Put a funny name on fish and the kids will eat it - just don't forget the ketchup.  The girls were very pleased that they were the first to sleep on my new red sofa.  They are at a pretty funny (and fun) age right now.  Little Alexis has developed into quite a philosopher.  During dinner, Lexi explained to me that while she is looking forward to starting school in September, she is concerned for her mother.  Lex is worried that her mom will be lonely and bored without kids around.  When I explained that her mother is ready to go back to work with all the kids in school, she paused, mid-fork to mouth and, looking very serious, stated "Yes, but we won't always be there to help her.  She will be lonely if she has no one to play with."  Her sister then jumped in with "but she will be busy selling lots of houses so we will be rich and buy whatever we want."  "well, that's true, "said her sister.

On the way home to "the parents" (as Rae calls them in the collective), Lexi pointed out that she hadn't seen Uncle Kris all weekend.  He was busy I told her and her response was to look up at me with those liquid brown eyes and ask "but you told him I was coming right?  He knew I was here?"  Confusion filled her face at the thought that Uncle Kris would be anywhere other than waiting anxiously for her to appear.

The following weekend I had all three kids.  Again, we played at the park, went for a walk, had junk food while watching a movie and we decorated quite possibly the very worst cookies ever known to mankind.  I know what you are thinking, but you would be wrong.  I DID NOT bake them.  We bought a kit of cookies for Easter. The youngest proudly presented one of her masterpieces to Uncle Kris.  Bold, brave, U.Kris.  After the kids left he let it be known that he would rather eat my cookies over those disgusting things any time.   Even my black bottom, missing baking soda but with added salt, cookies.  That's how bad they were.  The kids loved them.

After returning the brood to their father on Saturday afternoon, I came home to get ready for a charity event that evening.  I showered, put on copious amounts of make-up and perfume, did my hair and was ready to go.  It was a really nice evening and I met a bunch of new people - including a recently divorced man of the right age and temperment.  I tried my best.  Even going so far as to disappear into the ladies room to communicate with an aunt via messenger on how best to handle the situation.  He might have thought I had a bladder infection with the number of times I did this (as she so kindly pointed out).  I needed help with the flirting in person rather than via the internet or email.  Turns out if you put copious amounts of mascara on, winking at someone is out of the question.  I did manage to have a couple of private conversations with this man and wasn't, at least I don't think so, too bad.  I tossed my hair, balanced on one foot, sipped my drink seductively (ok, perhaps not seductively but I didn't snort it back) and laughed at his witty reparte'.  I was thinking that perhaps I was doing ok and had landed a live one until he mentioned children.  Everyone has children so no problem right?  Turns out this 56 year old man has 3 daughters aged...... wait for it......... 11, 13 and 14.  I felt my knees buckle.  His youngest is only 1 1/2 years older than my grandson.  He hasn't even gone through those dreaded teenage daughter years yet (never happened to me but I hear stories - mine were perfect :) ).  I wasn't exactly sure how I felt about this.  I felt ringing in my ears and for some reason I had to sit down.  I went back to my seat and he to his.  I promptly forgot his name (seriously - cannot even come close to recalling it now).

Perhaps my family is correct.  I am either too picky or too hard on these men (not the alcoholic gun collector, the spy or the druggie) but perhaps what otherwise might be normal, nice men who have little tweeks that I should just overlook or get used to.  After all, I am not exactly a prized catch either.  I understand that I have flaws and things that need to be tweeked as well.  Perhaps I will re-think this and get back to you.

I have added a couple of pics that my friend took.  I was trying to wink in the second one.  You can see the results.

By the way, in case I forgot to email you with my begging request, I have attached my link to my wierd little video for the 24 hour easter seal relay.  

http://www.ecovideo.ca/hybrids/2012/holly.millar/1st/

Stay tuned for more.  I am having the kids over for Easter dinner  and a wee egg hunt tomorrow.  I can do baked ham without too much trouble.  Only once, while cooking ham, has my smoke alarm gone off.  I am pretty confident.  I am however, trying one new dish.  I have pie and ice cream on hand just in case that one doesn't work though. 

Happy Easter!

No one Died

We all survived the night and quite honestly, I am more than a little pleasantly surprised.  I had take-out on speed dial just in case.

I had spent 2 weeks researching the menu and another full day gathering the ingredients.  I was good to go.  My kitchen looked like I was ready to do battle - which I was.  I felt like I was facing down my own personal Waterloo.  The kitchen, and in particular, the stove, and I have always had a bit of a love/hate relationship.  The stove knows I am afraid of it and the fridge constantly moves things around and by the time I find them, the fridge has made them turn rotten.

I am afraid I did not inherit my mother's skill set in the kitchen.  She and I could open the same fridge and she would see a seven course meal while all I would see would be condiments and rotten fruit.

This time things would be different.  My menu was planned and according to the pictures, it looked pretty good.  I had an entree, a vegtable, rice and salad.  I thought I was good to go.  However, it was pointed out to me that I needed an appetizer.  I did not have time to do the research and shopping.  I did the only thing any rational person in this postion would do.  I ran down to 7-11 and bought chips, dip, jelly beans and ju-jubes.  What's not to love about a junk food appetizer plate?  If dinner failed, who would be able to be mad at me if they were on a sugar high?

First, I needed to prepare the chicken bundles.  I pulled out the chicken breasts and realized they did not look like the picture.  I figured out that I was supposed to smash the breast down flat before I stuffed it and rolled it up.  I was in the zone - what to do...... I needed something to smash the chicken flat.  I had just the tool.  See attached:

This hammer is actually only 5 inches long with the diameter of the head being less than an inch.  It took a very long time to pound down 7 chicken breasts.  Plus, a couple of them tore and I ended up with chicken meat all over the place.  Did anyone else know that you should use the bottom of a fyring pan to flatten meat?  My hammer took about an hour.  

I set the table with all the stuff I rarely get to use.  Lots of wedding gift glassware.  I would be hard pressed to tell you which wedding, but I got to use it.

I was ready for my guests after 5 hours of prep-work (the recipe said it should only have taken me 60 minutes total - not sure what happened here).  I kept my apron on so everyone would see I actually did the work myself.  One of my guests took a photo before we ate.  As you can see, I don't take the best photo but in my defense, I had been testing wine all afternoon.

We had a lovely evening.  No smoke alarms.  No speed dialing take-out and no quick road trips to emergency.  Simply amazing really.  I have lovely friends who left me very little by way of leftovers.  I think that is a very good sign.

These women must have brought some good luck into my home as well.  I was supposed to have been on a flight to Toronto today with 2 stops in Winnipeg and Regina on the way back.  I am tired and wanted to just stay in one place for a while so it was with heavy heart and lead feet that I got up early, packed my bag, unloaded the dishwasher and put away my laundry in an attempt to be all prepared for the taxi to pick me up and take me back to the airport where I am sure everyone in security can now address me on a first name basis.

I had just gotten into the cab when I happen to notice a text from a friend who advised me that a bunch of Air Canada flights had been cancelled and maybe I would get lucky and be able to stay home.  Well, just then, I got an email from the airline to tell me that I was indeed cancelled and they could not get me on another flight.  Yeehaa!  I frightened my cabbie when I yelled out.  I was going home to cancel my whole trip.  Finally, something good happened in my favor.  While I am normally not a big fan of Air Canada, today, they are my best friends.

I am now home for the week.  Might be a disappointment to my staff though.  I have a feeling they like it when I am out of the office.  I think they have parties and eat chocolate while I am away.  Well, surprise to them tomorrow!

Anyway, this gives me more time to shop for my daughter.  It is her birthday on Friday and I am having a hard time figuring out what to get her this year.  She is at that tough age - you know the one - between teenager and grandmother.  These are tough years.

I bought her something already but while in line at Costco, I had a conversation with a woman who has a daughter roughly the same age and she assured me that my current decision was incorrect.  Since I have no mind of my own and am easily swayed by public opinion and live in constant fear of the ridicule of strangers, I returned the item.  Can't say what it is in case I change my mind and go back for it.  I am back at square one.  Anyone with any ideas for a just shy of middle aged woman with 3 children who just got her Realtor's license, is a soccer (well, lacrosse), Kia driving mom who doesn't like my taste in clothes, I am all ears and welcome any suggestions.

Since I have a free afternoon and evening, I will sign off now to go and finish off all the wonderful desserts everyone brought last night.  I am an adult and I can eat whatever I want for dinner.

Stay tuned

Dis-invited by a 6 year old

My ego has taken a pounding of late and I have been busy trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered psyche.

It seems my clumsiness has been picked up by my grandchildren and they are now concerned for my safety.

Rae, my favorite wee 6 year old granddaughter had her birthday on Saturday.  I have not missed a grandchild's birthday since inception.  However, if Rae's plan came to fruition this would have been the first.

Scene - 1 week prior

Rae - "Hi NannaGramma - its me"
NannaGramma - "me who?"
R - "oh nanna, you are so silly.  It's Raejay"
NG - "Well, hello Rayjay.  It's so good to hear from you.  What makes you call me this fine evening?"
R - "Its my birthday soon"
NG - "I know.  What would you like for your birthday?"
R - "stuff.  I need all sorts of things"
NG - "I will keep that in mind.  What are your plans for the big day?"
R - "I am having a gymnastics party.  It's going to be lots of fun."
NG - "That sounds like a good time.  I can hardly wait"
R- " Well, Nanna, I don't think that will be a good idea."
NG - "What do you mean Rae?"
R - "I don't want you to get hurt so I think it is best for you to just bring my present to my house"
NG - "What do you mean Rae?
R - "We will be doing back flips and cartwheels and you might break some bones again when you have to do the back flips.  I think you shouldn't come to the party."

So, the gist of the whole thing was that my grandchild thinks I am too feeble to handle a 6 year old birthday party.  I was devastated - the kids now think I am a complete clumsy gibble goof. I hit the lowest point - I had been disinvited from a 6 year olds birthday party.   From this point forward they will no longer believe I have the ability to change traffic lights with my brain or think it possible that I can communicate with the ducks in the park.   Thankfully, my daughter allowed me to attend but I had to stay off the gym floor.  Probably for the best.  Chances were very good that I would have tripped and fallen into the foam pit, and end up having a piece of foam lodged in between my butt cheeks so far it would have required surgery to remove.

Well, now that I have recovered from the party and another road trip - I am having a wee dinner party AND I am cooking - BY MYSELF.  I have been planning this for a month.  I have two new recipes of things I have never tried but the pictures look good.  The only thing I ask of my guests is that their health insurance is paid up and that they sign a waiver upon entering my home that I am not responsible for possible side-effects.  However, as a guest favour, I will provide a ride to emergency for stomach pumping should it be required.

I will keep you posted - the dinner party is just 2 sleeps away.

For want of a couch

A mind was lost. 

After many weeks of searching, I finally found a new sofa.  I really liked it - it 'spoke' to me.  It was purple with deep seated cushions.  I named her Sheila.  Sheila was delivered to my home last Friday at 9am.  I had cleaned and organized my living room and made a new home for Sheila.  I was looking forward to a deeply rewarding relationship where I would spend Sunday afternoons curled up on Sheila with a good book.

Sheila disappointed me.  She would not willingly go up my stairs to the living room.  She had decided in the 3 days since our first meeting that she did not want to come and live with me so she grew an additional 3 inches ensuring that she would not fit.  Too bad for her.  She was sent packing back to the warehouse and my search began again.

The following day after this debacle of embarassment, I found myself heading to IKEA with a friend.  In the very first showroom, I found her.  She had been waiting there all along for me to come by to claim her.  I named her Shelley.  She was the right length, having guaranteed me she would not grow any longer, had the right ass to knee ratio and the perfect firmness.   Not to mention, Shelley met the aforementioned "sick factor".  Shelley also was available in various colours.  She chose red.  I was very excited.  Finally, my home would have a perfect red sofa with the perfect red seat and the perfect red length.  She was to be delivered the next morning.

Sheldon arrived in my home at 10:30am.  Turns out Shelley has a brother who is slightly longer, slightly firmer and slightly redder.  I was not aware that Shelley sent Sheldon to our home until I finished building him 2 hours later and I was left scratching my head trying to figure out what was wrong.  Don't get me wrong, I like Sheldon but he's no Shelley.  However, having now spent a week with him, I can admit that Sheldon does provide me with the comfort needed for a couch cuddle on a Sunday afternoon.  Sheldon also meets the required "sick factor", just not quite as softly as Shelley did.  Ah well, I will get used to him and learn to enjoy his comfort for the next 10 years.

After Sheldon made himself at home, I was packed off for a week in Toronto.  I was not looking forward to it.  I had nightmares about someone stepping on the recovering toe or jostling my healing rib.  Not to mention, I was not looking forward to the long days, the longer nights and the cold.  Also, I have yet to have a trip to the centre of the universe that went well.  Turns out, this was not to be the trip.

So I arrived at the centre of the universe at 1:30am and at my hotel by 2:15am after having a heated discussion with the airline personnel over the damage to my luggage.  Seems it is a problem of someone else or possibly I, myself, ripped my bag before loading it.  I wasn't even angry.  I figured that if that was the worst that was going to happen then I could live with it.  In essence, I was lulled into a false sense of security thinking the rest of my trip would go off without a hitch.

Day one of meetings ensued without a problem.  I slept better that night and was refreshed for another round of meetings.  I arrived at the office at 8:45am ready to go.  I set up my laptop and books and headed to the kitchen to grab a cup of tea.  I popped a piece of gum in my mouth while I waited for my tea to ready.  Just as I was turning to leave, I felt something happen.

You may recall the dentist who broke my tooth during a routine root canal.  As you may also recall, that tooth finally broke right in half during my last trip to Toronto.  Well, the tooth beside that one was a false post.  A $1200 false post.  Seems it was being helped in place by the broken tooth.  Seems that a piece of Juicy Fruit gum was a dangerous weapon for me to have.  The tooth, post and all,  just fell right out.  I now have a problem and everytime I was to speak up during the meeting it had to be behind a hand over my mouth.  Tough to look commanding with a hole in my face.

Anyway, I made it through the day without anyone being the wiser.  I thought that was the end of it.  One damaged suitcase, one broken tooth.  That should be the end of it.

The following morning I awoke thinking I could face another round of meetings and then head home.  Turns out, when lulled into the false sense of security thinking the worst is over, one does not pay as much attention to ones surroundings.  So, imagine my surprise to discover that there was a new 2 inch rise on the shower in my hotel room.  I think they must have added it while I was at the office the day before because I was sure I managed to step into my shower without a problem the day before.  I slammed my broken toe into the side and my cheek into the wall and as I tried to gain my purchase before I did any more damage, I broke two nails - just to add insult to injury.

My flight home took 7 hours.  It was supposed to be 5hrs, 15minutes.

I am home for a week and then back to the centre of the universe on the 4th for another week of adventure.  I will be truly amazed and may even start to believe in miracles if it is uneventful and I return home in time for my granddaughter's 6th birthday in one piece.

Stay tuned