As we all know the beginning of the week was somewhat toasty. I left the office and made my way peacefully to my bus stop for the treck home. I decided to wait in the shade beside the stop to try and avoid the prospect of a heat rash. I saw my bus coming so started making my way to the pole where I expected him to stop (seemed logical since this is where he always stops). I looked up in time to see that the bus was not even slowing down. I waved my arms and jumped around a bit and he finally pulled over. As I was getting on he starts yelling at me "If you are not at the pole when I start down the road, I am not stopping for you ever again." (like this has happened before) The heat must have gotten to me because I replied "I was at the bus stop just standing in the shade since it was 400 degrees at the pole." " I really don't give a crap how hot it is - you wait at the pole or I don't stop it is that simple." he stated. Imagine my surprise when I responded with "Well, first get your knotted up kickers out of you butt and open a window for a cross breeze so you can cool down and second, if you hadn't been going 60 down Howe street, it would have been easier to see me and stop."
I then calmly made my way to my seat. However, it seems I had upset the driver who proceeded to speed up and slam on the breaks every chance he got. At one point taking a corner so fast that not only did my purse and bag fly off the seat but so did a couple of other passengers. The fella sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder with " While I can fully appreciate you standing up to the driver, did you have to piss him off enough that the rest of us are wishing we had seat belts?". I finally managed to make it home safe and sound with only a banged up wrist from almost falling during one of the breaking incidents. I am thinking that some of these drivers do not understand the concept of the limousine service they are providing me.
Tuesday brought with it some nakedness. Relax, not mine. So, I am walking down Georgia with 3 other lovely ladies (we were the fab 4) on our way to a wonderful lunch (Four Seasons - crab BLT mmmmm yummy) when it was brought to my attention that there were a couple of naked women standing on the corner. They were there for PETA and had writing all over thier bodies such as "rump roast" on the bums. I suppose I would be a bigger supporter if I happend to look like these young ladies. Grown men in business suits began tripping over one another. Granville street is always full of fun and interesting people.
Wednesday brought me up close and personal with the Hare Krishna folks. I went over to The Bay to take advantage of the 'free gift' from Estee Lauder (buy $100 worth of spackel and they give you free matching eyeshadow). On my way back to the office, it came to my attention via a noise not unlike when I stepped on my cat's tail, that the group had moved over to other side of the street - now directly in front of The Bay. I think the drum had a hole in it and the tamborine had only one 'tambo' left. This left it up to the singer of the group to make up for the lack of instruments. As I stopped to give aid to someone in obvious pain, it was rather rudely pointed out that no assistance was required nor wanted. Talk about Hairy little Krishna's. I was forcefully subjected to pamphlets and I think they sprinkled me with what I assume is holy water (but smelled more like Mountain Dew) and pushed aside. Last time I try to help them.
Today, with the cooler weather, I am going to head home and perhaps turn on the stove. It will not surprise any of my friends that I can count on one hand the number of times I have actually turned the thing on but today I feel like I am in the mood to actually cook something in the big white box taking up space in my kitchen. I feel like perhaps lasagna should be on the menu. Of course this means I have to get off the train at Save-On foods, hoof it around with all the other single shoppers running around in there at dinner time and then carry it all home (2 1/4 blocks - but very long blocks) in the plastic bags they give me. This will warrant me not only snide looks from the cashier and the other shoppers in line (I live in a very eco friendly neighborhood where we recylcle cat litter) but I will be faced with sneers, sidelong glances and cat calls all the way home. I should have brought my reusable bags to work. Come to think of it, this seems like a lot of work and agony when I could just go home, put up my feet, and eat the rest of the ice cream before it goes bad followed by a plum to make it a balanced meal (fruit and dairy). Tomorrow I will remember the grocery bags before I leave the house.
Have a great weekend and stay tuned. I have some exciting stuff coming up.
H
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Fantabulous Weekend
What a great weekend. I had a date with the most perfect of the male species. It went so well, I invited him to stay over - not just one night but 2!!!!!!! He was funny, energetic, happy and very complimentary. He didn't hog the whole bed and he put the seat down after he used the bathroom. What more could a girl ask for?
Might as well tell you, my ideal date weekend was with Xavier, my 7 year old grandson. We had a blast of a time. After I picked him up on Friday, we went for a bike ride around to Science world then back up to Broadway and Canadian Tire (for swim goggles) and London Drugs (sunglasses) then home to watch a movie - Looney Tunes Back in Action. Best movie I have seen in a long time - what I could hear over the laugh out loud chuckles. Chocolate milk and potato chips in bed with a movie is what I call fun times - until you end up sleeping in crumbs. I woke up smelling like salt and vinegar.
The morning brought with it sunshine and the idea to ride our bikes to Kits beach and hit the pool there. It is a good mile and a half from my house so we set out early to ride the seawall. Xavier kept up very well and not once did I hear "are we there yet?" or "how much farther?". We swam for about an hour or so before the X man decided he needed to warm up with some sunbathing. He seems to have very little by way of the ghost rider gene pool I come from. He is so tanned it makes someone like me who comes in only 2 colours - red and white, very jealous. By the end of sunbathing - him and hiding under a tree - me, it was time to find slurpees to cool off. After some riding around Kits we found our slurpees and headed on home.
It was time to clean out the tickle trunk - which we do once a year in order to make room for new things. The wee girls (Rae and Lexi) had done their bit to clean it out last weekend and now Xavier had to finish it up. As he started to sort things out into plastic bags, he asked me "Nannagramma, can I do some charity?" Turns out X wanted to collect more toys and give them to Children's Hospital. (Have I mentioned I am an ever so proud NannaGramma?). He asked if when he finished with the tickle trunk he could go around my neighbourhood and ask other people to donate toys - or "how about some cash?" (like his style). We settled on him just asking for toys. Around 5pm on Saturday afternoon, we drove up to the front door of Children's Hospital with 3 big bags of toys. My favorite wee man then got very shy and forgot his name.
After diner that evening I thought he deserved a treat for being the perfect grandson for the perfect Nannagramma :). We again hopped on our bikes and decided to ride around to English Bay (a ride of an easy 2 miles each way at least) to treat ourselves to a special cupcake from the Cupcake store. Suffice to say, by the time we got home almost 3 hours later, I had to lay on my stomach on the bed. First because, everyone knows, if you eat something like a highly caloric cupcake, the sooner you lay down on your stomach, the sooner the fat spreads out. There is no time for it to settle in the stomach region. Honest. But almost more important was the fact that I could no longer feel my backside. My bum was numb.
My date with the perfect 4 foot tall wee boy ended at 10:30 on Sunday morning when I had to take him home so that I could attend my friend Monica's daughter Caroline's baby shower. This will be her first grandchild and no way was I missing it. It was a blast and unlike any baby shower I have ever attended. The whole restaurant was taken over and we were treated to the most fabulous food. Because I ate so much, I had to rush home and lay down on my stomach again to spread the fat around. Thank goodness it was Sunday as the calorie count is halved on Sundays - everyone knows that. Sundays and holidays 1/2 calorie unless you are out of the country on vacation in which case there is no such thing as calories. In fact, if you happen to be out of the country on vacation, on a Sunday which also happens to be a holiday day - well, you can eat all you want and actually lose weight. I plan to be in Italy on Easter Sunday spending my day eating Veal Parmigana and drinking Chianti. By the time I am done, I should be a size 2.
Because Monica seems to think it is odd that I am not comfortable being hugged by strangers, she paid her friend Teresa to mug me by hugging. As you can tell by the picture, I am getting more comfortable with it.
Stay tuned
Might as well tell you, my ideal date weekend was with Xavier, my 7 year old grandson. We had a blast of a time. After I picked him up on Friday, we went for a bike ride around to Science world then back up to Broadway and Canadian Tire (for swim goggles) and London Drugs (sunglasses) then home to watch a movie - Looney Tunes Back in Action. Best movie I have seen in a long time - what I could hear over the laugh out loud chuckles. Chocolate milk and potato chips in bed with a movie is what I call fun times - until you end up sleeping in crumbs. I woke up smelling like salt and vinegar.
The morning brought with it sunshine and the idea to ride our bikes to Kits beach and hit the pool there. It is a good mile and a half from my house so we set out early to ride the seawall. Xavier kept up very well and not once did I hear "are we there yet?" or "how much farther?". We swam for about an hour or so before the X man decided he needed to warm up with some sunbathing. He seems to have very little by way of the ghost rider gene pool I come from. He is so tanned it makes someone like me who comes in only 2 colours - red and white, very jealous. By the end of sunbathing - him and hiding under a tree - me, it was time to find slurpees to cool off. After some riding around Kits we found our slurpees and headed on home.
It was time to clean out the tickle trunk - which we do once a year in order to make room for new things. The wee girls (Rae and Lexi) had done their bit to clean it out last weekend and now Xavier had to finish it up. As he started to sort things out into plastic bags, he asked me "Nannagramma, can I do some charity?" Turns out X wanted to collect more toys and give them to Children's Hospital. (Have I mentioned I am an ever so proud NannaGramma?). He asked if when he finished with the tickle trunk he could go around my neighbourhood and ask other people to donate toys - or "how about some cash?" (like his style). We settled on him just asking for toys. Around 5pm on Saturday afternoon, we drove up to the front door of Children's Hospital with 3 big bags of toys. My favorite wee man then got very shy and forgot his name.
After diner that evening I thought he deserved a treat for being the perfect grandson for the perfect Nannagramma :). We again hopped on our bikes and decided to ride around to English Bay (a ride of an easy 2 miles each way at least) to treat ourselves to a special cupcake from the Cupcake store. Suffice to say, by the time we got home almost 3 hours later, I had to lay on my stomach on the bed. First because, everyone knows, if you eat something like a highly caloric cupcake, the sooner you lay down on your stomach, the sooner the fat spreads out. There is no time for it to settle in the stomach region. Honest. But almost more important was the fact that I could no longer feel my backside. My bum was numb.
My date with the perfect 4 foot tall wee boy ended at 10:30 on Sunday morning when I had to take him home so that I could attend my friend Monica's daughter Caroline's baby shower. This will be her first grandchild and no way was I missing it. It was a blast and unlike any baby shower I have ever attended. The whole restaurant was taken over and we were treated to the most fabulous food. Because I ate so much, I had to rush home and lay down on my stomach again to spread the fat around. Thank goodness it was Sunday as the calorie count is halved on Sundays - everyone knows that. Sundays and holidays 1/2 calorie unless you are out of the country on vacation in which case there is no such thing as calories. In fact, if you happen to be out of the country on vacation, on a Sunday which also happens to be a holiday day - well, you can eat all you want and actually lose weight. I plan to be in Italy on Easter Sunday spending my day eating Veal Parmigana and drinking Chianti. By the time I am done, I should be a size 2.
Because Monica seems to think it is odd that I am not comfortable being hugged by strangers, she paid her friend Teresa to mug me by hugging. As you can tell by the picture, I am getting more comfortable with it.
Stay tuned
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Fun times for the Nannabananagramma
I was strolling Granville Street yesterday enjoying the eclectic group assembled along the boulevard. I came across 4 Hare Krishna's banging on thier drums and mumbling something I couldn't make out. Who knew that after all these years the hair style of choice for these folks is actually in style by some of the young people I see strolling the streets of the west end. I stood there and wondered how I would react at seeing my children standing on street corners wearing the equivalent of an adult diaper with a shaved head save for the braided pony tail. I came to the conclusion that as long as they didn't wear name tags I would be ok with it. I use to be a lot more restrictive and close minded, however ever since my grandson started calling me nannabananagramma, I figured I had to lighten up a little.
Further down the street, I came across a barbershop quartet. They were actually pretty good and I enjoyed standing there for a few minutes. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a full band setting up. Looked to be about 5 pieces - including full drum kit. I wanted to see how this would play out. How can the barbershop compete? Is there a hierarchy to this sort of thing? First come, first served? Perhaps there would be an all out fist fight. Turns out nothing much happened. The quartet quickly snatched up their hat and passed it around before the band got started and moved on to another block.
A fight did break out though. It was between the police and some guy running out of Sears. I wasn't aware it was the police at the time. It wasn't until I heard them telling the kid to "Stop - Police" (just like in the movies) that I realized what was happening. A bunch of us sat down to finish our lunch and watch the show - police chase to the sound of music in the background. They finally tackled him right by London Drugs. To try to get away, the kid squirmed right out of his shirt as they grabbed him. I remember thinking that it was in his best interest to keep his shirt on. I was almosted blinded by the sight of Casper the ghost. The kid kept yelling "I didn't do it" and the cops were asking him "then why did you run". I loved his response " because I knew you wouldn't believe me".
The rest of my lunch hour was spent watching a woman who must have been having a very bad day as she had forgotten her underwear under her micro-mini skirt and had a dog following her - a man on his cell phone who was experiencing something unbelievable "I can't believe it. I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE IT." and had a laugh over the two girls who bought ice cream cones only to get in that first lick and have ice cream fall from the cone onto the street.
Sadly, at the end of summer the street will be opened up to bus traffic again and it will cease to be pedestrian only. I have been enjoying the daily shows down there that have been taking place since a month prior to the Olympics.
As you can see, between people watching and bad dates, this is my life. I am thinking of renting a new life for a few days just to try it out. Perhaps after I return the rental I will discover I actually am not as boring as I think I am. We shall see.
Stay tuned - have date with special man on Friday.
Further down the street, I came across a barbershop quartet. They were actually pretty good and I enjoyed standing there for a few minutes. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a full band setting up. Looked to be about 5 pieces - including full drum kit. I wanted to see how this would play out. How can the barbershop compete? Is there a hierarchy to this sort of thing? First come, first served? Perhaps there would be an all out fist fight. Turns out nothing much happened. The quartet quickly snatched up their hat and passed it around before the band got started and moved on to another block.
A fight did break out though. It was between the police and some guy running out of Sears. I wasn't aware it was the police at the time. It wasn't until I heard them telling the kid to "Stop - Police" (just like in the movies) that I realized what was happening. A bunch of us sat down to finish our lunch and watch the show - police chase to the sound of music in the background. They finally tackled him right by London Drugs. To try to get away, the kid squirmed right out of his shirt as they grabbed him. I remember thinking that it was in his best interest to keep his shirt on. I was almosted blinded by the sight of Casper the ghost. The kid kept yelling "I didn't do it" and the cops were asking him "then why did you run". I loved his response " because I knew you wouldn't believe me".
The rest of my lunch hour was spent watching a woman who must have been having a very bad day as she had forgotten her underwear under her micro-mini skirt and had a dog following her - a man on his cell phone who was experiencing something unbelievable "I can't believe it. I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE IT." and had a laugh over the two girls who bought ice cream cones only to get in that first lick and have ice cream fall from the cone onto the street.
Sadly, at the end of summer the street will be opened up to bus traffic again and it will cease to be pedestrian only. I have been enjoying the daily shows down there that have been taking place since a month prior to the Olympics.
As you can see, between people watching and bad dates, this is my life. I am thinking of renting a new life for a few days just to try it out. Perhaps after I return the rental I will discover I actually am not as boring as I think I am. We shall see.
Stay tuned - have date with special man on Friday.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Very Funny
You would think with all the people I know that someone would have just one single male friend that they would think I was worthy enough to be introduced to who wouldn't try to poison me, grope me (not on the first date anyway), shoot me or attempt to get me killed while dodging traffic. Honestly, I am really not that picky. Just someone nice and funny who enjoys travel, grandkids and doesn't kick dogs. That is really all I ask.
So, let me tell you about yesterday afternoon. I am waiting at the Starbucks on Granville sipping my tea. As most know, I like to arrive first to avoid possible embarrassing situations asking strange men if they are waiting for me. I was only waiting about 3 minutes when I was approached my a nice looking 50ish man asking if I was Holly. I was pleasantly surprised (and alright, I admit, hopeful). He asked if I minded if he just grabbed a coffee and then if we could walk around Granville street. Since I quite enjoy strolling about town, this sounded good.
It was going surprisingly well. He had held out his hand upon introduction (already ahead of the game), paid for his own coffee and enjoyed walking. We walked a couple of blocks before I noticed that he kept darting his eyes around. I decided that since he hadn't attempted to hug me yet, I could live with darting eyes. We walked and talked. He asked a lot of questions about what I do for a living, children, home and such. After about 30 minutes, he finally brought up what he does for a living. He is a Security Guard. Ok, I can live with that.....however, he felt compelled to explain why we had to keep walking and why we couldn't take advantage of some of the new seating along the street. It seems being a Security Guard means people you have had to either throw out of venues or otherwise call the real Police on tend to track you down and want to kill you. Not kidding.... he thinks people are out to kill him for being thrown out of a concert. This is why he never sits still and always moves along crowded streets. It now concerned me that he kept me on the outside of the sidewalk rather than the inside as my father taught me a ladie was supposed to walk.
Thankfully, we came upon a bus stop and the bus was coming. I said I had to go home and walk my dog (will buy one this weekend), hopped on the bus and left. I then had to get off the bus to catch my real one but only when he was out of sight.
I am thinking I need new friends of friends of friends. I know "just because you are paranoid doesn't mean someone isn't out to get you", but COME ON! So now I can add to my growing list - paranoia.
For those keeping track:
no drunken gun collecting
no hugging on the first meeting
no poisoning
no paranoia
I am going to spend the weekend with my granddaughters where only laughing is allowed with the occassional peeing of the bed.
Stay turned
So, let me tell you about yesterday afternoon. I am waiting at the Starbucks on Granville sipping my tea. As most know, I like to arrive first to avoid possible embarrassing situations asking strange men if they are waiting for me. I was only waiting about 3 minutes when I was approached my a nice looking 50ish man asking if I was Holly. I was pleasantly surprised (and alright, I admit, hopeful). He asked if I minded if he just grabbed a coffee and then if we could walk around Granville street. Since I quite enjoy strolling about town, this sounded good.
It was going surprisingly well. He had held out his hand upon introduction (already ahead of the game), paid for his own coffee and enjoyed walking. We walked a couple of blocks before I noticed that he kept darting his eyes around. I decided that since he hadn't attempted to hug me yet, I could live with darting eyes. We walked and talked. He asked a lot of questions about what I do for a living, children, home and such. After about 30 minutes, he finally brought up what he does for a living. He is a Security Guard. Ok, I can live with that.....however, he felt compelled to explain why we had to keep walking and why we couldn't take advantage of some of the new seating along the street. It seems being a Security Guard means people you have had to either throw out of venues or otherwise call the real Police on tend to track you down and want to kill you. Not kidding.... he thinks people are out to kill him for being thrown out of a concert. This is why he never sits still and always moves along crowded streets. It now concerned me that he kept me on the outside of the sidewalk rather than the inside as my father taught me a ladie was supposed to walk.
Thankfully, we came upon a bus stop and the bus was coming. I said I had to go home and walk my dog (will buy one this weekend), hopped on the bus and left. I then had to get off the bus to catch my real one but only when he was out of sight.
I am thinking I need new friends of friends of friends. I know "just because you are paranoid doesn't mean someone isn't out to get you", but COME ON! So now I can add to my growing list - paranoia.
For those keeping track:
no drunken gun collecting
no hugging on the first meeting
no poisoning
no paranoia
I am going to spend the weekend with my granddaughters where only laughing is allowed with the occassional peeing of the bed.
Stay turned
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
what fun
I wasn't actually going to post again so soon but I can't resist sharing my Granville street lunch time with ya'll.
So, there I was minding my own business strolling down Granville in search of some lunch. I was really hoping something would jump out at me and save me from having to make a decision. My morning had not gone as well as one might hope and my brain not only needed some food, but also needed a break from actually having to think. It was one of those mornings where I was lucky to have found my way into work fully clothed.
Some of you may have heard about my rather bad month with the missing brain cells - 1st - wore two different shoes to work - 2nd - wore two different earrings to work - 3rd - forgot I drove my truck to work and took the bus home leaving it in the parking lot to fend for herself - 4th - when driving grandchildren home after a weekend of fun, didn't notice where I was until Xavier piped up and then realized I had driven to my old house in Walnut Grove - the kids live in Port Coquitlam - 20 miles back.
Anyway, as I stated, I was looking for something to give my brain energy when I heard a rather disturbing noise. Lo and behold, right in front of me was a skinny white dude with a beard doing RAP. That's right - RAP. First, I thought it was illegal for white folk to rap in public and second, he was giving us all a bad name. I understood when it was 'White Men Can't Jump", then "White folk can't dance" and now it is most certainly "White Men With Beards SHOULD NEVER EVER RAP" in public. It's not like he was even making up his own crap to rap about - he was rapping nursery rhymes. I was assaulted with things that Little Bo Peep never did in any of my books. Quite frankly, it was downright embarrassing. To add insult to injury, in competition for our coin there was a woman dancing and singing with a tamborine. However, she was wearing headphones so I have actually no idea what music she was singing along with.
Between the two of them, my appetite just went away - all by itself. Solved my problem - I didn't have to think of what I wanted for lunch anymore.
Cheers and stay tuned for my coffee date experience tomorrow
So, there I was minding my own business strolling down Granville in search of some lunch. I was really hoping something would jump out at me and save me from having to make a decision. My morning had not gone as well as one might hope and my brain not only needed some food, but also needed a break from actually having to think. It was one of those mornings where I was lucky to have found my way into work fully clothed.
Some of you may have heard about my rather bad month with the missing brain cells - 1st - wore two different shoes to work - 2nd - wore two different earrings to work - 3rd - forgot I drove my truck to work and took the bus home leaving it in the parking lot to fend for herself - 4th - when driving grandchildren home after a weekend of fun, didn't notice where I was until Xavier piped up and then realized I had driven to my old house in Walnut Grove - the kids live in Port Coquitlam - 20 miles back.
Anyway, as I stated, I was looking for something to give my brain energy when I heard a rather disturbing noise. Lo and behold, right in front of me was a skinny white dude with a beard doing RAP. That's right - RAP. First, I thought it was illegal for white folk to rap in public and second, he was giving us all a bad name. I understood when it was 'White Men Can't Jump", then "White folk can't dance" and now it is most certainly "White Men With Beards SHOULD NEVER EVER RAP" in public. It's not like he was even making up his own crap to rap about - he was rapping nursery rhymes. I was assaulted with things that Little Bo Peep never did in any of my books. Quite frankly, it was downright embarrassing. To add insult to injury, in competition for our coin there was a woman dancing and singing with a tamborine. However, she was wearing headphones so I have actually no idea what music she was singing along with.
Between the two of them, my appetite just went away - all by itself. Solved my problem - I didn't have to think of what I wanted for lunch anymore.
Cheers and stay tuned for my coffee date experience tomorrow
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
What a weekend
I notice that it is the beginning of August and I still have an Olympic picture up. As soon as I can get my camera to stop acting up, I will update the photo.
Ok, so it seems I have received a couple of comments stating that I may in fact be too picky. It seems I should have given the hugger more of an effort. Let me tell you, if someone even remotely resembling Mr. George Clooney wants to hug me, I will be the first to tell him to take his shirt off first before running into his arms. However, I must remain firm on my resolution to never hug less than Clooney-esque strangers.
So, again in my effort to get out there and socialize, I went to the Gay Pride parade on Sunday. I figured what girl doesn't love a challenge? My friend Cammie has an amazing condo located conveniently right at the finish line. Three single ladies sat there on her lawn having a picnic of Subway sandwiches, cookies and bottles of Coke and prepared to enjoy the view.
I gotta tell you, I was enjoying myself and laughing at some of the adsurdity of it all when along comes a show stopper about 1 hour into the whole thing. To prepare you, I should tell you the theme this year was world acceptance. Walking slowly and happily up the street was an elderly gentleman carrying a globe and wearing a grin......that was it - a grin. World acceptance of having his dangly bits out there where they could get sunburned is not something I can say I have ever contemplated. I should mention that despite the warmth of the afternoon, I suddenly got very cold and I heard little bells clanging in my head. I had to sit down. I had visions of what it would be like for me if I continued in my quest to secure myself an 80 year old millionaire orphan. Not a pretty sight anymore. After seeing that, I think I will have to up the ante - he must be at least a billionaire to make me want to see his 80 year old dangly bits.
All in all, it was a fun afternoon. There is something about the folks in the parade - they were a very happy group. However, it turns out not to be a very good place to meet the opposite sex and I am too old to change teams now. It would be way too much work and I am pretty sure I wouldn't like the club meetings.
I have agreed to a coffee meeting on Thursday with a friend of a friend of a friend. If I get poisoned, hugged or stabbed, I will not be a happy camper and may turn on said friend. However, I will let you know how it goes.
Cheers and stay tuned
Ok, so it seems I have received a couple of comments stating that I may in fact be too picky. It seems I should have given the hugger more of an effort. Let me tell you, if someone even remotely resembling Mr. George Clooney wants to hug me, I will be the first to tell him to take his shirt off first before running into his arms. However, I must remain firm on my resolution to never hug less than Clooney-esque strangers.
So, again in my effort to get out there and socialize, I went to the Gay Pride parade on Sunday. I figured what girl doesn't love a challenge? My friend Cammie has an amazing condo located conveniently right at the finish line. Three single ladies sat there on her lawn having a picnic of Subway sandwiches, cookies and bottles of Coke and prepared to enjoy the view.
I gotta tell you, I was enjoying myself and laughing at some of the adsurdity of it all when along comes a show stopper about 1 hour into the whole thing. To prepare you, I should tell you the theme this year was world acceptance. Walking slowly and happily up the street was an elderly gentleman carrying a globe and wearing a grin......that was it - a grin. World acceptance of having his dangly bits out there where they could get sunburned is not something I can say I have ever contemplated. I should mention that despite the warmth of the afternoon, I suddenly got very cold and I heard little bells clanging in my head. I had to sit down. I had visions of what it would be like for me if I continued in my quest to secure myself an 80 year old millionaire orphan. Not a pretty sight anymore. After seeing that, I think I will have to up the ante - he must be at least a billionaire to make me want to see his 80 year old dangly bits.
All in all, it was a fun afternoon. There is something about the folks in the parade - they were a very happy group. However, it turns out not to be a very good place to meet the opposite sex and I am too old to change teams now. It would be way too much work and I am pretty sure I wouldn't like the club meetings.
I have agreed to a coffee meeting on Thursday with a friend of a friend of a friend. If I get poisoned, hugged or stabbed, I will not be a happy camper and may turn on said friend. However, I will let you know how it goes.
Cheers and stay tuned
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Starting up again
So, after being pestered to start my blog again (ok, so maybe two people does not a pester make, but those two people were really annoying), I have decided to pick it up and write again. This time, since the Olympics are over and I think my chances of being asked to volunteer for the Russian games are slim to none, I figure I will tell you all about my other adventures.
Ok, so I have tipped my toe into the dating pool again. I have a real need to be very careful. I have only had three serious relationships in my life and I married two of them. Times however, have changed. It seems in order to date these days you must be tech savy and own a computer. I am now on a dating website. Wish this had been around 30 years ago I might have fared better. My children think it is time for me to date. Personally, I think they are just afraid they will be stuck with me in my old age.
So, to bring everyone up to speed, I will tell you about my first three dates.
First Date - I will call him - Blew it in the first 15 seconds man - sounded promising. Both in emails and in telephone conversation he sounded like he had possibilities and very much like me - wandering around wondering when the rules all changed. We decided to meet at Van Dusen gardens. A really lovely place and I was quite looking forward to a stroll. I arrived early so he could seek me out rather than me wandering around asking strange men if they were waiting for me. I was sitting on a bench in the shade when a friendly looking man of 55 walked towards me and called my name. I stood and offered my hand........he grabbed me in a bear hug and hung on. While I like to think I am a very affectionate person - with family and the occassional friend - I do NOT like nor do I expect complete strangers to hug me. He was done.
Second Date - We can call him - Disguised as normal man - I agreed to meet him after work in the Starbucks that is on Broadway located inside the Safeway store. I figured if it didn't go well, I can just pick up dinner and hop on the train home. Well, we sat outside drinking tea and coffee for about 90 minutes. He was very nice and pleasant to look at. He asked if he could buy me dinner. Since he hadn't tried to hug me, I was game. He said he had the perfect spot. Turns out it was in the middle of China town in a run down shop on a run down street. As we pulled up (in his perfectly restored Jaguar), a drunk puked on the sidewalk and the paddy wagon showed up to haul off 4 guys fighting on the corner. I love street theatre. We picked our way through the mess to the little shop where he was greated by name. He ordered for both of us (circa 1950). We had won ton soup and dried pork bites. The first won ton I ate seemed a little off. The second was downright pink and mushy. I broke out into a sweat. After 30 minutes of conversation where he finally admitted he was a debt collector for Canadian Tire and joyously took pleasure in following people around and didn't believe in taking holidays (he doesn't get paid). I had had about enough and wanted to go home. He laughed and said that he promised he would only stalk me until I said yes to a proposal. I really really wanted to go home. I was also queasy. Suffice to say, 30 minutes after returning home, I was violently ill. I had food poisoning and spent the night in the bathroom. He called me the next day to tell me the stalking had begun (ha ha ha). I told him about the poisoning and said if I saw him again, it would be because I had him in the sites of my crossbow.
Date 3 - We call him - Are your freakin kidding me? man - So we meet on Granville Island at Beaches. I am thinking perhaps we will have lunch. I ended up making an excuse about having to take my child to Costco (my child is 30 and can take herself to Costco) and got the heck outta there. Suffice to say I was on a date with a drunken, alcoholic, gun collector. But "don't worry Holly, I only have 7 long barrells". Aww, so sweet to think of me. He also has both of his daughters living in condo's down the hall from him because he cannot function without females in his life. He promised to teach me how to shoot (he wasn't that bright) in exchange for laundry, cooking and taking his girls shopping.
So, this is how it started. I have had plenty of offers from the 20-25 year old crowd who want a Mrs. Robinson but I am not into teaching. I am also beginning to think I have some sort of genetic freak magnate code that brings them out of the woodwork.
This weekend a bunch of us are going to the gay pride parade. If I didn't think it was too much work and would have to learn a new rule book, I might think they are on to something.
I will keep you posted
Ok, so I have tipped my toe into the dating pool again. I have a real need to be very careful. I have only had three serious relationships in my life and I married two of them. Times however, have changed. It seems in order to date these days you must be tech savy and own a computer. I am now on a dating website. Wish this had been around 30 years ago I might have fared better. My children think it is time for me to date. Personally, I think they are just afraid they will be stuck with me in my old age.
So, to bring everyone up to speed, I will tell you about my first three dates.
First Date - I will call him - Blew it in the first 15 seconds man - sounded promising. Both in emails and in telephone conversation he sounded like he had possibilities and very much like me - wandering around wondering when the rules all changed. We decided to meet at Van Dusen gardens. A really lovely place and I was quite looking forward to a stroll. I arrived early so he could seek me out rather than me wandering around asking strange men if they were waiting for me. I was sitting on a bench in the shade when a friendly looking man of 55 walked towards me and called my name. I stood and offered my hand........he grabbed me in a bear hug and hung on. While I like to think I am a very affectionate person - with family and the occassional friend - I do NOT like nor do I expect complete strangers to hug me. He was done.
Second Date - We can call him - Disguised as normal man - I agreed to meet him after work in the Starbucks that is on Broadway located inside the Safeway store. I figured if it didn't go well, I can just pick up dinner and hop on the train home. Well, we sat outside drinking tea and coffee for about 90 minutes. He was very nice and pleasant to look at. He asked if he could buy me dinner. Since he hadn't tried to hug me, I was game. He said he had the perfect spot. Turns out it was in the middle of China town in a run down shop on a run down street. As we pulled up (in his perfectly restored Jaguar), a drunk puked on the sidewalk and the paddy wagon showed up to haul off 4 guys fighting on the corner. I love street theatre. We picked our way through the mess to the little shop where he was greated by name. He ordered for both of us (circa 1950). We had won ton soup and dried pork bites. The first won ton I ate seemed a little off. The second was downright pink and mushy. I broke out into a sweat. After 30 minutes of conversation where he finally admitted he was a debt collector for Canadian Tire and joyously took pleasure in following people around and didn't believe in taking holidays (he doesn't get paid). I had had about enough and wanted to go home. He laughed and said that he promised he would only stalk me until I said yes to a proposal. I really really wanted to go home. I was also queasy. Suffice to say, 30 minutes after returning home, I was violently ill. I had food poisoning and spent the night in the bathroom. He called me the next day to tell me the stalking had begun (ha ha ha). I told him about the poisoning and said if I saw him again, it would be because I had him in the sites of my crossbow.
Date 3 - We call him - Are your freakin kidding me? man - So we meet on Granville Island at Beaches. I am thinking perhaps we will have lunch. I ended up making an excuse about having to take my child to Costco (my child is 30 and can take herself to Costco) and got the heck outta there. Suffice to say I was on a date with a drunken, alcoholic, gun collector. But "don't worry Holly, I only have 7 long barrells". Aww, so sweet to think of me. He also has both of his daughters living in condo's down the hall from him because he cannot function without females in his life. He promised to teach me how to shoot (he wasn't that bright) in exchange for laundry, cooking and taking his girls shopping.
So, this is how it started. I have had plenty of offers from the 20-25 year old crowd who want a Mrs. Robinson but I am not into teaching. I am also beginning to think I have some sort of genetic freak magnate code that brings them out of the woodwork.
This weekend a bunch of us are going to the gay pride parade. If I didn't think it was too much work and would have to learn a new rule book, I might think they are on to something.
I will keep you posted
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